In Theaters Tomorrow… Sept. 14th

There are many films releasing this week… too many to talk about. First stricken from the list is Mr. Woodcock… you made one good decision Stifler, stop making films. Second stricken from the list is Across The Universe… a Beatles themed transatlantic love story starring a chick named Evan just doesn’t fly in my world. Third off the list is Moving McAllister… there is a reason Jon Heder films are only getting limited releases lately, and its not Mila Kunis. Fourth off the list is Dragon Wars… Love the concept and all (dragons are freakin’ sweet) but this film just screams shitty. That leaves me with 4 films to talk about.

Eastern Promises looks super good and has a stellar cast, an insanely f-ed up and brilliant director and a script written by an Oscar nominated screenwriter. Viggo Mortensen plays a Russian mobster living in London who is torn between following orders and saving an innocent nurse (Naomi Watts) who has stumbled upon a crime underworld while looking for a child surviving parent. Watts finds out that the mother who was murdered while giving birth was part of a prostitution ring set up by Mortenson’s crime family and a larger brotherhood of eastern European crime families. I know that doesn’t sound original or great but David Cronenberg and Viggo Mortenson came together for A History of Violence and Cronenberg’s other work includes Spider, The Fly and Videodrone. The man spends a lot of time putting together extremely elaborate metaphors for what is so messed up about man.

The Hunting Party is an extremely interesting and mostly true story of a handful of journalists who find the most wanted man in Bosnia after the war had been over for about 4 years… I wish it was as simple as sending a handful of journalists to Pakistan to rout out Bin Laden. Anyway, Richard Gere plays a senior member of the press showing a new guy around Bosnia with Photographer Terrence Howard. The trio takes it upon themselves to hunt down the most dangerous man in the land and in turn he seeks them out thinking they were a CIA hit squad posing as journalists. The film jumps between genres including dark comedy, drama and action. The chick from National Treasure and James Brolin also appear in the film.

In The Valley Of Elah is only out in limited release but I figured I’d mention it because Oscar season is approaching. Paul Haggis wrote a directed the film. Yeah, the same Paul Haggis that was the first ever to write two back-to-back Best picture winners (Million Dollar Baby, Crash). The film is about a father and career officer (Tommy Lee Jones) who is searching for his soldier son who has gone AWOL upon return from Iraq. He enlists the help of a sexy police detective (Charlize Theron) and his wife (Susan Sarandon). We’re 4 for 4 on Oscar winners so far, everybody knows that Oscar likes to stick with the ones he loves. (Unless you’re Marisa Tomei)

The Brave One looks a lot like last weeks Death Sentence, but with Jodie Foster instead of Kevin Bacon. (Foster was in Sommersby with Maury Chaykin, who of course was in that goddamn Where The Truth Lies… seriously who wasn’t in that damn film?) Foster is a radio host who is attacked while with her husband by three bastard-faced bastards. Her husband dies and she is traumatized by the events. She buys a gun in hopes of finding the men that killed her husband. She witnesses the murder of a clerk in a convenience store and kills the man who committed the crime. She continues the vigilante murders and soon enough a cop (Terrence Howard, again) is after the person behind the biggest story in the New York press. Can Jodie Foster kill three Bastard-faced Bastards before Terrence Howard catchers? I say it’s a five-way shootout at the end. You guess which two survive with shoulder wounds.

Honestly, I have no Idea how to draw up the box office after 3:10 To Yuma only made 14 million dollars and it biggest competition will also be its biggest pre-flop Oscar competition. #1 The Hunting Party (not my first choice though) #2 3:10 to Yuma #3 Mr. Woodcock (because too many kids will see a film because the word cock is in the title) #4 Halloween #5 The Brave One (because Jodi Foster has more pull than Viggo Mortenson)