SlamBall Is The Shit

And its coming back thanks to Pat Croce and the original creators. Spike needs to pick this back up... I'm sure your audience can do with one less hour of "That 70's Show" or "CSI: whatever city you happen to be in."

Slamball gives hope to people my size to happen to not be afraid of trampolines or physical violence on a basketball court. I happen to not be a member of either group, but back in 9th grade before the trampoline/basketball court incident I might have been encouraged to pursue this sport.

Tales From Behind The Bars

It's always unfortunate when sports and prison intertwine. It's also inevitable. Like Big Poppa said, "Mo Money, Mo problems." Today there are two Minnesota sports/jail stories. Both are no surprise, but sad none the less.

Isaiah "J.R." Rider, inventor of the east bay funk dunk and 5th overall pick by the Minnesota Timberwolves in the 1993 draft is once again in jail. This time he is accused of auto theft after being arrested early Saturday morning in the skid row district of Los Angeles. He has since been released on bail to await trial.

Rider has had a history of law trouble that dates back to his college days when he was arrested for throwing a milkshake through the drive-through window of a Jack-in-the-box. During the 95-96 season Rider was convicted of 5th degree assault after kicking the manager of a sports bar. Rider had a few more brushes with the law during his playing years, none worse than possession of Marijuana and possession of an illegal cell phone, but once his career was over the real trouble started. In January of 2006 he was charged with kidnapping and domestic assault. In February of 2007 he plead guilty to felony cocaine possession and evading an officer. In January of this year Rider was charged with unlawful Firearm possession after getting into an argument with a taxi driver.

The other sports related jailing is not about an actual athlete. Souksangouane Phengsene was jailed Sunday night for suspicion of DWI. Most people don't remember that name, let alone have the skill to properly pronounce it, but Phengsene was the man who killed Malik Sealy in 2000 on his way home from Kevin Garnett's birthday party. Souk was drunk that night as well and was charged with criminal vehicular homicide. When he crashed into Sealy Phengsene was driving the wrong way down highway 100.

In 1997 he was charged with drunken driving in Des Moines and again in 2006 in Crystal. Unfortunately, since he plead guilty to vehicular homicide and not DWI in the Sealy crash the 2006 charge was not enhanced. Hopefully the judge will take a good long look at this man's driving record, throw him in jail for a while and rip up his license forever.

I AM LEGEND's Alternate Ending WAY Better

Thou Shalt Not Become the First Female President

I was fiddling around on Gawker when I stumbled across this map which combines the tornado touchdowns with the results from super Tuesday.

I have no major problem with Hillary Clinton, but something like this is too good to pass up. I had to share it with all (5) of you. If Obama didn't have momentum coming out of Tuesday already he may have just scored the prized religious democrat vote.
(Thanks to Richard Blakeley for having the presence of mind to combine the two images)

Puffy Threatened My Life

... So I went to the caucus. I voted for Pedro.

Sarah Silverman is Banging Matt Damon

I don't even really watch the Jimmy Kimmel show but I love the stuff he does with Matt Damon. In this clip his girlfriend, Sarah Silverman breaks some bad news to Jimmy via one of her catchy songs. Serves you right Mr. Kimmel.

Useless Post #257

A man with an extremely vague dream started this blog 257 posts ago. That dream became even more unfocused as he allowed a handful of friends to add their musings. About that time Mr. Bez began keeping track of the visits. In the year since the counter began functioning we've had 45,000 plus visits. I'd say that’s pretty good, but I'd also place the blame on the abundance of traffic squarely on the succulent shoulders of Jessica Alba and Jessica Biel. Unfortunately, these women have fallen out of my favor... not because they are not beautiful, but because Ms. Alba is pregnant and may not be a Ms. for too much longer and because Ms. Biel is dating one Mr. Justin Timberlake. I can't dream if Timberlake is messing with my kool-aid. I can't dream if a lady be growing something inside of her.

The question is, how do we get the unsuspecting public to stumble across SPK? We've seen growth. In fact, I believe that some of you people who stop by during the week and actually looking at our content may not even know me personally. You may not even know Bez personally. I want to know in the comments section if you do exist. Let your typing be read!

Regardless of whether or not this is true I've decided to dump Alba and Biel as the unofficial ladies of Some People's Kids and start all over with two new ones. The first is Megan Fox, goddess of robots movies with tattoos and eyes that will pierce your soul. The second is Rachel Bilson, uber sexy girl next door. I absolutely hate admitting that I watched the O.C. my first two years of college, but I've come to terms with it citing the fact that it was always a coed event. Then I saw Bilson on Chuck before the writers refused to be fleeced by the AMPTP anymore and I fell in love all over again. If we have another month where 16,000 people show up it will be their fault and I will know that I am not the only man who has moved on.

Remember to let us know if you enjoy our site in the comments section. Thank you, that is all.

Guess who's not affraid to kick the crap out of a little kid?

This guy.

24

That number seems a little inflated, but I'll take it. Don't cross me worlds population of 5 year olds. I will use one of you as a club to injure the others. That goes for you too little people. I see you standing there, waiting for your opportunity to attack. Its not gonna happen to this guy. I underestimate nobody.

Joker Dies in Gotham City

Batman wanted for questioning.

When the Zombies Begin to Exist

Look, I don't know if you guys are aware of this yet or not, but I'm a little crazy. The other guys will tell you its true. I have a tendency to blow things out of proportion and go a little bit conspiracy theorist. Now is one of those times, and I'll tell you up front that my feelings on this issue are totally, completely 100% true. I don't exactly think this will result in the emergence of actual zombies, but I don't think anything good will come of this.

The FDA has announced that food from cloned animals is safe to eat. I don't like this. Remember how people are not supposed to play god? Yeah, I think eating the ultimate bastard child is going to piss off some sort of supernatural being. (I won't name names because I have not had the pleasure of meeting any such beings) Have they even perfected cloning? Dolly the sheep only lived 6 years when the normal life expectancy is 12-15 years. And the FDA is the same organization that approved Vytorin- The cholesterol drug that has the tiny, insignificant side-effect of CLOGGING YOUR ARTERIES.

Then, on top of all of this crazy bullshit President Bush made a speech backing up the Mayan calender. Their calender inexplicably ends in 2012. An ancient civilization that not only knew that there were 365 days in a year, but knew that there was an extra fraction of a day to be factored in. What exactly did our fearless leader say?

"When history was written the final page will say victory was achieved by the United States of America for the god of the world"

That dumb bastard has already read the history of the world, and according to him We've been close to victory is near. A victory that lands on the final page of history. Wanna know what the last words on that page are? "And then the Zombies came and many brains were eaten. The End."

This cloned meat is somehow going to result in a "mad human disease" I just know it.

This Man has Balls of Steel

Wachovia, Brinks and The FBI will never live down a robbery for so much money that happened on Pennsylvania Avenue. This is D.B. Cooper type shit!

If this dude ends up in jail he will automatically be made king of the miscreants. They will bow to him and throw cigarettes at his feet. He will have the power to stop and start riots with the snap of his fingers.

He will be carried from place to place by the lesser criminals and they will ask his advice about various acts of villainy. Nasty Nate will give him his cocktail fruit, and squirrel master will gladly run security for the man.

The FBI will probably hire him to think of other innovative ways to rob a bank in order to not be shamed this way in the future.

If only I could get away with something so glorious.

What's it gonna be?

the Post Office Rocks

I just spent the last 20 minutes or so at the local post office waiting to send off one of my graduate school applications and I had a blast. The place was packed with people who were probably getting their x-mas gifts sent off in time for the holidays. I guess they could have been sending off their Hanukkah presents as well but those aren't going to arrive until Tevet and that could be a problem. If today was any indication of what a normal day is like I'll likely be spending my time away from work just hanging around over there. I talked to an old lady about the differences between the post office in Montana and the one here, which contrary to popular belief is actually an interesting conversation, and I ran into Nubile's ex-ladyfriend.

*Me- " Whats crack-a-lackin'?"
Her- "Nutin'."
Me- "aight."
Her- "Aight, peace."

I think my favorite part of the whole escapade took place at the counter around the corner from the single-file line that everybody stood in. The man at the station was calling the next person in line up to his counter and I happened to be one of the lucky customers beckoned into the bowels of the post office. After paying my $4.60 (I had to send it priority because I waited until the last second to decide that I did, indeed, need to get me some more learnin') and not paying the bullshit 60 extra cents to track the package i was witness to one of the greatest arguments ever.

The clerk was a salty, rotund little man who obviously hated his job. I got all of this from his attempt to sell me the previously mentioned bullshit extra 60 cents and his subsequent scowl when I told him why I didn't want to. As I walked back to the desk a man came in the door and followed me. Before I even finished my transaction he forced a $20 bill in front of me and demanded a roll of stamps. The clerk told him that he was not in line and would have to wait his turn. The man told him that he was in line now and demanded his stamps. They went back and forth a bit longer with the clerk yelling at the top of his lungs about how he had cut line and the customer smirking and being a dickhead. I swear to god I thought the clerk was going to go postal (pun fully intended).

When the man asking for the stamps finally went to the back of the line around the corner the clerk looks at me and goes, " That guys crazier than you think. I know him, he sells houses. You don't even know." Those three sentences left me dumbfounded. The origin of the argument left me dumbfounded.

If someone could please explain what makes a realtor crazy (outside of that whole subprime loan business) I would be much obliged. I am vexed... this is terribly vexing.

*dialog may not match actual conversation

Ladies and Gentlemen... Dave Chappelle

"You know what? I say a lot of racist jokes, and my mouth says a lot of racist things but my penis is a humanitarian."

I found this clip of some new Dave Chappelle stand up on Funnyordie.com and felt the need to share it with the world. I guess his crazy pills have kicked in and he's made his way from Africa to London. Hopefully he'll be touring the U.S. with some new material shortly because he is greatly missed.

P.S. Carlos Mencia sucks

This Kid Looks Hungry

Lets feed him. Seriously.

I was searching the internets today after work when I came across With Leather's power rankings (I just wanted to see a picture of Scarlett Johanson) when I found their link to Freerice.com. This is super cool... All you do is choose the best definition for the word and the UN (and the multinational corperations whose logos appear on the bottom of each screen) will donate 10 grains of rice towards world hunger. I got to vocab level 30 before I decided to share this with you and aside from the fact that the rice I won was probably big enough to give that little guy up there a malnourished baby sized portion of a meal some of the words started getting tough to define. Kids studying for the SATs, ACTs and maybe even the GRE could learn a thing or two while feeding the kids.

Since October 7th people playing the game have donated 589,305,670 grains of rice to those in need. Crazy. And its kind of fun.I need to start one of these where every time someone solves a math equation I get a penny. Maybe not math... people hate that shit.

JFK: The Music Video

He smelt like the future. His words felt like flowers.
(from Super Deluxe)

Just watch it

Nothing is really needed to set this video up, besides it's a must watch.

The Sharkman Is Crazy Stupid!

This is Michael Rutzen and the above statement is to be taken literally. Rutzen is crazy and stupid. This video does him absolutely no justice... and he is swimming with reef sharks using only medieval technology as protection. Wanna know why? His goal is to do what you are watching, he calls it tonic immobility, but with Great Whites.

Rutzen lives in Gansbaai, South Africa which is the capitol of the world. Coincidently its also the breeding grounds for the jackass penguin... I kid you not. Jackass Rutzen didn't even have the chain maille prior to meeting up with someone who could actually perform tonic immobility.

I'm so glad my cousin has On Demand. I missed Shark Week on Discovery and never would have seen "Shark Man" had I not been in Chicago this week. I highly suggest stopping by the Discovery channel every half hour or so until you find the special in rerun. I still have to look for it because I only got half way through, the most I saw him do with great whites besides offer his arm as a snack was hitch a ride on one's fin.

The Jimmy Kimmel show hates Matt Damon

After years of bumping Damon from his show Kimmel has taken it one step further. Kimmel has replaced Damon with his parking lot attendant in the recently released BOURNE ULTIMATUM. Funny stuff. Check here to see how this feud started and here for more with Guillermo involved.

Regina Spektor - That Time

This is Regina Spektor. She's super awesome and this song just made the all-time rotation for being wacky and up tempo. She didn't make this video, but she makes equally awesome videos and speaks fluent Russian. I used to live by some Russians... one of them stole my bike and the other owns the first set of boobs I ever saw. They were awesome too.

(Video by Pizzicotta)