Some People's Kids: February 2007

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Déjà vu

What does the future hold for former Gophers running back Gary Russell? A high-speed chase that ends with him being maced, charged with carrying a concealed weapon and jail time, of course. Russell and former Ohio State Phenom Maurice Clarett have far too much in common for this outcome not to happen. Russell became the two in the Gophers one, two punch that they call a running game after Marrion Barber III left school for the NFL. One season later Russell found himself academically ineligible and made no real attempt to return to school and rejoin the team. Clarett found himself in a legal loophole and attempted to leap to the NFL after his freshman season to no avail. Each spent two seasons watching the game from their couch and apparently snacking. When the time for Clarett came he ran a devastating 4.72 and 4.82 in the 40 and overall had a bad showing at the combine. Both men are native to Ohio and Russell’s friends used Clarett as motivation. "Just don't run what Maurice Clarett ran." Russell didn't, he topped it with a 4.8 and a 4.84. Way to go buddy, you didn't even win a national championship before messing everything up.

I can just see it now... three years down the line when he has been kicked out of NFL Europe for cleating the referee he'll come back the the states for a party hosted by one of the Bengals. Clarett will have just been released from jail and the pair will want to hit a stripclub. Naturally they'll invite "Pacman" and his handy dandy garbage bag full of money. Later than night, after a hasty retreat from the strip club resulting in only 2 dead and a badly maimed bouncer, the trio will be flying down the road listening to Chamillionare's "Riding Dirty" when the cherries light up and it's on. With Russell behind the wheel the more gun savvy of the bunch will try to shoot their way out of yet another predicament only to land themselves with some serious jail time and brand new boyfriends for each.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Marty Gets his Due!

Pigeons around New Your no longer need hold their head in shame as they perch on Martin Scorsese’s statue. Finally one of the greatest directors of the last few decades has a naked, balding golden man to place somewhere in his bathroom. The director who brought us Mean Streets, Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, GoodFellas, Casino, Gangs of New York, The Aviator and a buttload of other fantastic films has just now been recognized by the Academy as the best director of the year. As they say, “the seventh time is the charm.”

Other reasons why the Oscars were better last night than just about any other year… #1 Alan Arkin was the shit in Little Miss Sunshine. #2 Forrest Whitaker is a great actor who is also a nice guy, and they always deserve statues. #3 Pan’s Labyrinth looks wicked cool and Guiermo Del Toro is crazy good at making films full of CG. #4 a politician won an Oscar instead of an actor taking a position of power… If I have to choose one or the other I’d rather have a filmmaking politician than a powerful actor.

I only have two problems with the show and neither pertains directly to this year. The first is that Peter O’toole has like 10 days left on this earth and they have yet to honor him. The second is that an American Idol won an Oscar, they probably shouldn’t even be considered for Grammys let alone acting awards.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Duluth is a cool city!!

The Wizards played here in Minneapolis yesterday and it doesn't sound like it went very well, all around. They had about a 15 hr delay, got to see Duluth, and had no hot water after the game. On top of that they lost. Here is the story from Agent Zero's blog:

Minnesota Nightmare
You all want to hear a story? This is a story people need to be reading on.

Man, we leave Chicago at nine o’clock in the mornin’ to go the plane -- in the mornin’ son, in the mornin’, we in the mornin’, this was nine in the mornin’.

We get on our flight, (this is straight out of Die Hard, I’ve seen it in Die Hard plenty of times), headed to Minnesota and we’re 300 feet away from the ground landing and we have to pull back up because it was all ice.

So, now we’re hovering over the airport for three hours! We’re hovering over it for three hours and running out of fuel, so the pilot says, “We got 30 minutes of fuel left, and the closest place is 20 minutes away.”

So we made an emergency landing in, I don’t even know … Sambook? Sambooki? Oh right, Duluth.

We landed over there and then we sat on the plane on the ground for another two hours. They finally got us a bus and it took us four hours to bus there because the roads were still all snowy and icy. We didn’t get to our destination in Minnesota until 12 at night.

15 hours of traveling, yes sir. What did we do to stay occupied? Complain. I complained for at least 12 hours of it, and the other three I was asleep.

After we lost to them, we went to go take a shower and there was no hot water. It’s 20 below outside, and the water was 10 below. How are we supposed to take a shower?

I had to get about 12 evian waters and use the warm evian waters to take a shower. Actually I had to re-take a shower when I got back to New York because I felt all itchy from all the soap that stayed on me.

It was like my AAU basketball days. Just straight AAU basketball when you go from one city to another city just stinkin’.

We gonna cut off they hot water when they come to our city. See if KG likes the feel of that cold water. It was so cold that I almost went in their locker room and took a bath in their Jacuzzi. The water was cold man, it was cold."

Duluth is a cool city though. Hopefully they start winning here soon, they get caron and antwan back soon so it should start happening.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Shifting Affiliations

There went the trade deadline for the Timberwolves and went with out anything happening. As wolves fans we expect that to happen, we can only hope that something could happen. But alas it rarely happens the way we would like it to.

In a post almost a month ago I stated my ultimatum to the wolves. None of the things that I wanted to happen have started to happen, actually, nothing has started to happen. They have gained some consistency, they are really good at losing leads. they did this Wednesday against the bobcats, it was pretty funny. Since there has been no action on their part, I feel it's time for me to take my action, and I don't see a better time to do it. I stated that I would become a Wizards fan if nothing happened that was in my ultimatum, and the wizards play the wolves here on Sunday. I feel that it is only fitting that I attend this game and usher out my old team, by watching my new team the wizards beat the wolves. I am excited for something new, and I know that the wizards have their own problems, but there is some hope their. By me switching affiliations does not mean that I will completely abandon the Wolves, but I need a break from them.

Go Wizards!!!

In Theaters Tomorrow...

Apparently with warmer weather come somewhat better films. This week we’ve got 2 thrillers, a comedy leaping from the small screen to the big, Billy Bob in space, a British flick and a film about how Tom Brady got his girlfriend pregnant. Also in limited release is a film detailing the abolition of slavery in England starring non other than Mr. Fantastic. I’m not so sure about AMAZING GRACE, but there is buzz that Youssou D’our has a chance to pick up supporting actor at next year’s Oscars. Tom Brady’s baby momma stars in a film entitled GREY MATTERS. No need to describe the plot, the only reason to go would be to watch her make out with Heather Graham… or you could see it here. STARTER FOR TEN IS a film about a college guy trying to impress another co-ed set in 1985 England, the reviews are vague and all I know about the film is that it did well overseas, stars the guy from KING OF SCOTLAND and claims to art house. Hold off on this one until further review. The last of the films that will fly under the radar on opening weekend is THE ABANDONED. This film came to fruition because the director, Nacho Cereda, was one of the standouts during October and November’s Horrorfest. An adopted woman visits her native Russia to find out more about her family only to discover dangerous family secrets. Keep an eye out for this one; we’ve got a fresh horror franchise in the making.

Now onto the films you’ve probably actually seen trailers for. THE ASTRONAUT FARMER looks like more of a family thing detailing how a pet project rocket gained the interest of the entire nation. It has good writers and I enjoy Angelina’s former flame, I hope that the film is good, but it could go either way. Jim Carey gets serious in THE NUMBER 23, a film about a man slowly going crazy with the idea that a book he is reading is based on his life… I think I liked the film better when it was funny, starred Will Ferrell and was called STRANGER THAN FICTION. Please cut your hair and find another non-comedy to try and jump-start your career Mr. Carey. Finally is the film that gets my personal $8.00 this weekend, RENO 911: MIAMI. I think these guys are hilarious, totally cashed in on the reality television thing at the right time and are not afraid to let other comedians come into their territory and steal the spotlight when necessary. I can’t wait to see what these guys do without the Comedy Central censors and whom they can get to cameo in this film.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

"Buy the ticket, take the Ride"

Today is the 2nd anniversary of Hunter S. Thompson's sudden and self-imposed death and I would like to take a moment to remember the man who knew no limits, but himself. Hunter S. Thompson, the creator of Gonzo journalism took his life on Feb. 20, 2005 in his home of Aspen, Colorado. Hunter was found in his office by his family, with, "Counselor" typed in the middle of a sheet of paper on his typewriter. Hunter went out on his own terms the way he always said he would. Artist and friend Ralph Stedman is quoted saying,

"...He told me 25 years ago that he would feel real trapped if he didn't know that he could commit suicide at any moment. I don't know if that is brave or stupid or what, but it was inevitable. I think that the truth of what rings through all his writing is that he meant what he said. If that is entertainment to you, well, that's OK. If you think that it enlightened you, well, that's even better.

Four days before his death Hunter sent a suicide note to his wife saying,

"No More Games. No More Bombs. No More Walking. No More Fun. No More Swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No Fun — for anybody. 67. You are getting Greedy. Act your old age. Relax — This won't hurt"

Hunter was a man who was as eccentric as he was intelligent, always spontaneous and impulsive, never wanting to be static for a moment. His intriguing literary style amazed anyone who ever read a word of his. Hunter was a rare and unique talent that pushed the bounds of the status quo at every turn. He is someone who will be missed by all who have enjoyed spending countless hours wrapped up in his crazed, erratic, yet somehow familiar world that is found in all of us.

"If you wonder if he's gone to Heaven or Hell — rest assured he will check out them both, find out which one Richard Milhous Nixon went to — and go there. He could never stand being bored. But there must be Football too — and Peacocks..."

Baseball Stuff!!!!!!

Well as you may know pitchers and catchers reported Sunday, which means there is a lot on the internets about baseball. Here is what I have found so far.

> Deadspin started their preview of every team today, which means they asked people to talk about why their team is better then other teams.

> The Star Tribune has started started a few baseball blogs to go along with Randball and the Wild blogs they have
Around the majors. (Joe Christensen)
Twins Insider. (LaVelle)

>Aaron Gleeman is always doing his thing too, so check him out.

>Twinkie Town.

>Twins Geek.

>Nick & Nick's twins blog.

>Greet Machine, is a blog dedicated to the Twins stadium issue.

The White Sox suck, enjoy!!

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Nothing compares to you

This post comes from our friend ketel one.

Is Britney Spears the new Sinead O’Connor? Either that or she has joined the Neo-Nazis Nationalist Movement. Nothing says disaster quite like a shaved head, a pack of heaters, two kids and two new tattoos. I am just waiting for her to start burning pictures of the Pope and peeing during public appearances. All I have to say is this; finally, people are starting to see Britney Spears for what she really is, WHITE TRASH. I have waited for this day for the longest time. As they say, “you can take the person out of the trailer park, but you can’t take the trailer park out of the person”.

After checking into rehab, Spears left one day into the program and showed up in Los Angles sporting a new hair cut and two new tattoos. One tattoo was a black, white and pink cross on her lower hip and the other was a red and pink pair of lips on her wrist. The tattoo artist said, “She just wanted something small on her wrist, something dainty”. One word can be used to describe Britney Spears, CLASSY! I love it. This is the modern day Robert Downy Jr. Except, I hope she doesn’t get out of her little rut. I would prefer her to continue to do what she does best; flash her vagina around like a used handful of Big League Chew.

Watching her go through this beautiful transformation is like being at a nude beach. You don’t want to be that one guy and look, but almost impossible to do. I find that the more I watch the better it gets.

Wait a tick; I just remembered this crazy wench has two kids. How the hell does this woman still have her children? Why the hell do we have governmental programs like Child Services when they obviously are not doing their jobs? I mean, she has almost dropped her children once or twice. If that sentence actually comes out of anyone’s mouth when referring to their children they probably should not have children. Lets be honest. Not to mention, she doesn’t wear panties, she smokes and drinks like a $5 hooker from Rwanda. Lets just put it this way, Britney Spears is giving Hillary Clinton a run for her money as the craziest bitch if the 21St century. It is going to be a close race. Stay tuned.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Timberwolves 2.0

Weird, the Timberwolves are hovering around the 8th playoff spot at the all-star break; that never happens! There are changes that must be made in order to ensure a playoff berth, but first we must review the first half of the season. First order of business: Mike “who” James. First thing that comes to mind is overpaid, the T-wolves managed to get a shoot-first point guard who can’t shoot. Remember that time we had a guy by the name of Chauncey Billups on our team? Alas, hindsight is 20/20. Second order of business: Eddie Griffin. Could someone explain why this guy is still being paid by the organization? I’m not even sure he’s good for trade bait just terminate the damn contract. Third order: Dwayne Casey. I don’t think Case deserved to get fired, but then again I felt the same way about Flip when he got fired. How balance control over a team with primadonna players who have the ability to get you fired? Finally: Marco Jaric. The guy wants a trade and I hope he gets it, but Kevin McHale is our GM so that probably won’t happen so shut up and play forward… stupid point guard.

The bright spots on the team this year are our rookies, Mark Blount and having Rashad McCants come back from a surgery that has a stigma attached to it. I like that Randy Foye is starting and I don’t care that he didn’t have the greatest game last night. Foye is the future and I’ll let him learn on the job when James isn’t performing at a high level. I say let James ride the bench, let that chip on his shoulder build up and maybe he’ll remember how to play the game again. I’d make one more change to the starting line-up, but not until after the Phoenix. I want to take Trenton Hassell out of the starting lineup and put McCants in his place. Nothing at all against Trenton, he’s a great role player, but he’s not a scorer and Rashad can play some D too. Now, if we could roll Jaric, Troy Hudson and Mr. Hardwood into someone taller than 6-8 that would be fantastic. Once again, the Wolves probably won’t make any changes to their line-up and when we start calling for McHale’s head he’ll shout, “pay no attention to the man behind the curtain” and Glen Taylor will say “yes great and powerful Oz.” I like watching Kevin Garnet, Mark Blount, and the rookies play. I even like watching Mark Madsen run around like a bull in a china shop. I’m just sick of being stuck in the middle of the pack.

Free Bracey Wright!

Thursday, February 15, 2007

In Theaters Tomorrow...

I absotivley posilutely hate this part of the year; its cold as balls, there won’t be a cool holiday to celebrate until July and worst of all studios throw all the shit they accidentally made into a movie in the theatres. This week we’ve got a comic book film, 2 romantic comedies, a kids flick and film that can best be described as Ryan Phillippi’s swan song. (Two Ryan Phillippi references in two days? This blog is crazy). I’ll tackle the romantic comedies first. I neither know nor really care about the plots of these films. We’ve got Drew Berrymore and Hugh Grant in one corner and a Tyler Perry film starring Gabriel Union… don’t waste your money, but if your girlfriend makes you your best bet is probably DADDY’S LITTLE GIRL. Next is THE BRIDGE TO TERABITHIA, it is my belief that a special effect is a dangerous thing in the hands of the wrong people. I never read the book and I don’t plan on seeing the film.

Now we get the only two films that really matter, but for very different reasons. First is GHOST RIDER and I have many problems with this film, let me list them #1. Nicolas Cage #2. see TERABITHIA #3. Aren’t comic book films supposed to come out in the summer? #4. If you really need to see Eve Mendes’ jugs you could just rent TRAINING DAY and #5 Critics were not allowed to review the film prior to release… do you smell something burning? And our final film debuting this Friday is BREACH, an FBI thriller involving a double agent that’s based on a true story. This is the winner in my book but 5 bucks says GHOST RIDER takes the box office and takes a nosedive after word of mouth is out.

Paying My Respects

I’ve been meaning to write this since Tuesday, but hadn’t gotten around to it till today. It’s just that this is a hard subject for me to talk about. How would it feel if something that you have been with for almost three years is no longer there? It’s a very hard transition to make in my life; I think that I am going to have to do some serious soul searching. I know that I will make it out of this alive and a better person for it but I may take a few months to recover.

Well I will cut to the point. On Tuesday while I was at work my Iowa Hawkeye’s wristband broke. And with it my streak of carrying something Hawkeye with me for almost 3 years is over. I know I can start a new streak, and I plan on doing so, it’s just the fact that it was my first Hawkeye wristband, and it will be a hard one to let go. I may take a couple months off before I try and replace it. I think by taking this time off I will be able to step back and realize all the memories, good and bad, we have had. When this hiatus is over I will be ready for a new wristband.


Pay Zambrano Now!!!

Cubs pitcher Kerry Wood is injured… again. This time he wasn’t even throwing a baseball! Looks like the paper-mache man was having a relaxing evening in the hot tub when he slipped and fell on his face/chest. The injury is not serious. I got 5 bucks that says Mark prior’s hand falls off golfing the day before he has to report to spring training. If I were in charge of the Cubs I’d be writing a check to Carlos Zambrano because that rotation is shit without him. Woods and Prior might add up to one pitcher by the time the season is over. It’s a shame that the Cubbies would spend all that money turning their season around just to fall flat on their face the next year because they have no actual Ace.

Timmy Crack Corn and I do Care!!!

Of course now, a little more than a week after John Amaechi's unfathomably announcement that he likes guys, every professional sports athlete is being asked the million dollar question. So... are you homophobic? Most have answered in the routine and ostensible manner that we hear most often, but then there are the priceless few who believe that their candidness with absolve them from the ridiculous shit that they are about to say. Case in point: Tim Hardaway!

"You know, I hate gay people, so I let it be known," Hardaway said. "I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people. I am homophobic. I don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world or in the United States.

When asked if he would accept an active player's coming out, such as that of retired NBA center John Amaechi, Hardaway replied: "First of all, I wouldn't want him on my team.

"And second of all, if he was on my team, I would, you know, really distance myself from him because, uh, I don't think that's right. And you know I don't think he should be in the locker room while we're in the locker room. I wouldn't even be a part of that."

Now of course this frank and honest sentiment that Hardaway shared with the world is in my opinion a naive and ignorant point of view, but you have to ask yourself in this situation, WWTHS(What would Troy Hudson Say):

Would Amaechi have been accepted in the NBA had players, coaches and fans known he was gay during his career?

"Probably not," Hudson said. "The majority of people in pro sports -- I mean, in the world -- don't feel comfortable with that type of person around. Especially in a masculine sport where you're always touching each other, you have to take showers together.

Troy I don't know where you get off saying anything like this because, your Predator look a like ass hasn't even been in the shower in the last three years, because your ass don't even play. The last thing that you need to be worried about are gay basketball players trying to get up on your shit when you ain't in the shower.

Last but not least, an unidentified Wolves player also had something to say about this as well:

"I hope [Amaechi] tells on everybody. I want to know," said an unidentified Timberwolf.

I got my money on that its Eddie Griffin, since he'll be needing some new playmates to drive around and crash his Escalade with in the upcoming days.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Barbara Bush…Where you been all my life?

This post comes to us from our friend who asked to be called Ryan Phillippe's cousin (he really didn't ask for that), but we'll just call him Ketel One. Enjoy.

A recent study indicated that napping throughout the day is good for your heart. In fact, it makes it stronger. Just three easy napping installments a week for a MINIMUM of 30 minute can reduce your chance of dying from heart problems. The participants that did nap had a 37% lower risk of dying from a heart related disease than non-nappers. Why the hell did this study not come out when I was in high school? There were many times when I could have used a nap or two.

According to the study, regular napping can significantly reduce the chance of developing fatal heart disease. I don’t know about you, but I’m sold on this napping idea. I think we should be able to nap at work, when you have nothing better to do or when your girlfriend decides it would be a great time to go shopping. I finally have a great excuse for not going to the mall. “Oh baby, I really need to take a nap. You wouldn’t want me to die of congestive heart failure at the mall because I didn’t take a nap. How would that make you feel that I died because you did not let me nap?” Works half the time every time!

The study was conducted for six years and nearly 24,000 Greek adult participants were examined. I don’t know of anything that takes six years to conduct. I could have told these fools that napping helps. I’m living proof, I feel great after a nice power nap. I also feel great after taking a poop. Maybe this should be looked into. Leading author of the study concluded that, “We interpret our results as indicating that among healthy adults, a siesta may reduce coronary mortality”. Stop stealing things from the Bratislavians. Created by the Bratislavians in 1904, they named it siesta, which of course stand for “too much butt sex”. Complete visionaries if you ask me. Brilliant! Simply en fuego!

Seriously though, why did six years of 24,000 person’s lives have to be devoted to this pointless, yet great study? I’ll tell you why, it’s because Greece is filled with communists. Why else would they want their people to nap?

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Damn You College, you Forgot to Prepare me for the Real World!

Flashback… It's 2001; I'm a high school senior and slangin' mochas for your favorite coffee house for a whopping $7.25 an hour plus tips. Flash forward… I'm a recent college graduate slangin' mochas for your favorite coffee house for a whopping $7.50 an hour plus tips. See a pattern developing? So do I, and it's not just me. I've got one friend doing the same thing as me, 2 friends selling cell phones and 3 bartending after getting a degree from an accredited university… hell, one of them graduated from NYU. Is it partially our fault that we are stuck back singing the same old song? Probably. However, I'm great at diverting the blame and I truly feel that in my case the University should be sharing some of the blame. For my first 3 years in college, every time I needed to register I simply walked into an office, gave my name and student ID and was given a code to gain access.

Finally one day my mother called me up and said "…Baby (She doesn't actually say baby, but in my head she sounds like a kindly old black woman who start off all of her conversations with that word) you might want to think about applying for a major." I thought, "Why had nobody mentioned that earlier?" then I realized that anytime I had even made a faint attempt to talk with a counselor they weren't there or rescheduled during a class. Finally I had a major and a minor, pretty much did my own counseling and bang I'm out of there in 4 ½ years. Stop laughing asshole; you're still on the 5-year plan.

My problem now is that during that time my non-existent councilor never bothered to tell me that I should probably think about getting an internship. On top of that, I find myself looking at jobs in my field that require computer programs that I couldn't even explain, let alone navigate. I'm left with a piece of paper that says I have accomplished something and a stack of papers that say I'm not qualified. Guess which my bank account cares about more. To top it off, I keep on finding these internships that require that I still be in school to apply. All I want is a real goddamn job people. Somebody, anybody take a chance on a kid who was smart enough to navigate through college with no help outside of a conversation that started with the word "Baby." (In my head)

Carr to Fitzgerald....Touchdown Vikings!!!

As speculation starts the rumor mill churning, purple and gold hopefuls are desperate for a change in Minnesota. That change could come in the form of Larry Fitzgerald and David Carr. Fitzgerald would immediately improve the Vikings wide receiver core that is widely considered inept, even by layman's standards. Trading a second round pick along with Troy "Hands" Williamson and possibly Jerman Wiggins, I believe would be sufficient enough to persuade the Cardinals to depart with their number one attraction. The Vikings would love to have a hometown boy come in and put fans in the seats right off the bat. This could potentially improve the public sentiment towards the Vikings and they may even consider a seven county sales tax increase to fund a new stadium. Ummm...But then again, who would be tossing the ball to our our new hometown "Baby(Joe Mauer) Jesus??? David Carr of course. Why not bring in another middle of the road quarterback to fill in for awhile, while Tarvaris Jackson sits in the back room continually smoking enough pot until he morphs into Michael Vick, albeit with a higher completion percentage. We could convince the Texans front office to do this with our third round pick in 2087, so they could pick a huge run stopper, such as Ryan Cook back in the day, and become a perennial dynasty for the next ten or so years.... They did pick Mario Williams over Reggie Bush, so my proposal is still within the realm of possibility, but I digress. Worst case, Carr sucks, cant get the ball to Fitzgerald, and then we get subjected to watching Bollinger run around like he is directing a circus or watching Jackson get through a thirty interception "growing" season. Best case, Carr will be the next white Randell Cunningham for a season or two and possibly bringing us to the NFC championship game where Ryan Longwell will miss a 15 yard field goal against Atlanta to go to the Super Bowl. In any case, the sound of Carr to Fiztgerald would be relished compared to the agony of a 3rd and 20 slant pass for two yards of yester-years. As the March 2nd free agency period rolls around, there will be no doubt, that we'll be in for an unforgettable Vikings treat one way or another.

Monday, February 12, 2007


It is close to the end of the 12th day of February, and I have come to the realization that this is a horrible excuse of a month. I don't know if this is how I have always felt about this month, but damn there are so many reasons why it I think this. I will start a list:

  • There are only 28 days, are you kidding me??
  • And because of the few number of days I get paid less this month. I know what you're saying, and yes it's all about me. I get paid less, but still have to pay the same rent, go the same amount of days to lifetime to get the discount (12 days is way too many days). My student loans are still due on the 15th and 21st, but I have one less pay check to work with.
  • The weather sucks, at least here in Minneapolis.
  • The NFL is done, NBA and NHL are in their mid-season ruts, and baseball doesn't start for another month. All we get is College Basketball, but not the interesting part of college basketball.
  • Next is Valentines Day. Lamest holiday ever. I don't have any horror stories that make me feel this way but, it's made up what else needs to be said.
  • And it's hard to spell damit. I know all of you have tried to spell it Febuary.
Anyways, I think the above picture will start to make up for February sucking.

Gilbert, Gilbert, Gilbert

Gilbert Arenas AKA Agent Zero promised his loving fans that he would drop 50 on the Portland Trailblazers yesterday. What happened? He scored 9 points and took far too many “quality shots.” I am writing this post for two reasons. The first is that my good friend Stuff has developed a man-crush on Gilbert, if Gilbert got frisky before a game and asked Stuff to bend over he would gladly drop trow and ask in his prettiest fan boy voice “could you please sign my ass while you’re back there”? The second is because I like the Wiz and I think that by the end of the year they’ll be the team to beat out east. I don’t think Detroit can make it to the finals without Ben Wallace, I don’t think the Bulls can make it with him, I think that outside of D-Wade and Udonis Haslem the Heat are far too old of a team and the Atlantic division won’t have a representative in the finals for about a million years.
I like Caron Butler and Antwan Jamison, but I think that that nutty bastard Arenas’ personal vendetta against all on team USA that wronged him is detrimental to the team. Look at that, I sound like a college basketball suspension. Arenas needs to recognize when his shot is off and think about winning the game some other way. In the end it should be about winning a game and getting one step closer to the easiest path to the finals not trying to constantly prove yourself. Look at Kobe last year, his scoring at will got his team nowhere and he didn’t have the talent surrounding him that Gilbert does. The man is a point guard, when his shot is off he should probably know how to pass the ball. He has to realize that people are going to catch on to the fact that he feels the need to prove himself to others; teams will start provoking him so that he tries to drop 50 on them. Kobe couldn’t win when he tried to shoulder the load and Gilbert won’t be able to either. Teams win championships, not egomaniacs.

Sunday, February 11, 2007


I’m totally stoked that pitchers and catchers report to spring training next week. Finally there is something worth watching and I don’t have to bite my fingernails in agony as the Wolves wait until the last second to beat a team with a 17 game losing streak. Even better, we locked down The Chairman (Mauer) for the next 4 years. I don’t want to put any pressure on my favorite team in the whole wide world but we should probably think about wining the World Series this year. Everybody and their mom knows that Torii Hunter and Johan Santana will be playing in New York or Boston as soon as the Twins decide not to shell out the cash.

The Twins have signed Nick Punto to a 2-year deal and Lew Ford, Juan Rincon and Justin Morneau to one-year deals. The only player still on his way to an arbitration hearing in Michael Cuddayer and I hope to god they sign him up for at least 2 years. If I were Terry Ryan I’d be trying to extend Morneau’s contract and con Johan into extending his contract. Do whatever it takes to get a couple more years out of the greatest pitcher to put on a Twins uniform send a hundred fire trucks to Venezuela if that’s what it takes. Still, this season we’ll have the lineup that should have been together from the beginning of last year. Punto and Bartlett will take the left side of the field, Cuddayer should take right field if all goes well and if Gardy and I have anything in common he’ll throw Jason Tyner in left field. I don’t care if he can’t hit a home run, that dude can catch anything and throw the ball a mile. I think I just creamed my pants a little bit thinking about baseball starting.

Friday, February 9, 2007

The Ghost of Tony Dungy

Remember that time the Vikings had of Brian Billick and Tony Dungy as coordinators and let them slip away? Well Dungy is back, sort of. For the second time in two years the Minnesota Vikings have hired one of Dungy’s assistants. Leslie Frazier spent this past season as an assistant coach with the Super Bowl champion Indianapolis Colts giving him 2 championship rings (the first was as a member of the ’85 Bears). Prior to working for the Colts he spent 2 seasons as the defensive coordinator of the Cincinnati Bengals. He also worked with Brad Childress as a member of the Philadelphia Eagles, so lets hope that he is used to Childress’ less than friendly attitude towards everything in the world except his “awesome” mustache.

Frazier is familiar with the Tampa 2, and what is even better is that he’s better against the pass, the only major downfall of a stellar Viking defense. Now all we’ve got to do is hope that our Pro Bowl run stuffers can remember what Mike Tomlin taught them. This defense could be fun to watch but my guess is it will last for 3 years max. We’ve got a 2-time Super Bowl winner, former college head coach who took his team to their first conference titles and has already been a defensive coordinator. If our defense plays the way it did last year, and keep in mind that the Bengals had a solid D before everybody got arrested, he’ll be given a lot of head coaching interviews. The Vikings may never be able to get Tony Dungy back but it looks like they’ll continue to try and get his philosophy back year after year.

Side note- Looks like that Herpes outbreak that shut down Minnesota wresting came from Valentine High School in Nebraska. Seems like a Valentine is always giving you Herpes.

Today Norbit and Hannibal Rising are being released in theatres. You could spend $9.00 on a ticket to one of those films, or you could spend the same amount of money and actually enjoy your evening by renting the first Nutty Professor and Silence of the Lambs. They are the same thing… you disappoint me Eddie.

Thursday, February 8, 2007

Streaks Beware!!!

I was lucky enough to go to the Suns/Timberwolves game almost two weeks back. I was even luckier when we got great tickets for free (thanks amber). I was expecting quite the showing from the Suns, since the wolves had been anything but spectacular this season, which the suns had been. What we got was anything but expected, the wolves ran the fast pace suns out of the building winning by 9 points. That game ended the Suns 17 game winning streak.
The wolves are about to approach another team on a 17 game streak. This time it's the Celtics, who could be come Sunday, be on a 17 game losing streak. I sense some parallels here. Team on long streak meets team on roller coaster. Something has to give, and I think that it's going to the the Celtics streak.
I know, Pierce is out, Wally is hurt, and they're trying to lose games (see durant/oden lottery), but I still feel that they can beat the wolves on Sunday. I mean look at their roster, they have Al Jefferson and...... wait who are those guys and why are they on an NBA roster?? There are too many similarities for this not to happen, and I was just told that the wolves have a better recored against teams with over .500 then teams below the .500 mark, well I guess we'll see....

The Uni-FREAKIN’-versity of Illi-FREAKIN’-nois???

In Big Ten football there are three tiers; in the first is Michigan and Ohio State in the second is Iowa, Wisconsin and Penn State the lowliest tier of all consists of the rest of the schools in the conference. Something is awry after national signing day, the Illini seem to have the third best recruiting class in the Big Ten and in my opinion it looks better than Ohio State’s. Seems that Chief Illiniwek went to the Reggie Bush School of recruitment offering 2 cars, a house and free helicopter rides to and from practice for signing on the dotted line. That is the only way to explain why a team that has won 8 games in 4 seasons, half won by the infamous Ron Zook, could have pulled of such a feat.

I know that the team is remodeling memorial stadium but that is not enough for the last place team in the Big Ten to get so many quality recruits… and they lost the #8 rated QB to our very own Golden Gophers so he could go play football for his daddy. It’s Ron F@#king Zook, the man was run out of Florida. I’m pulling my hair out thinking about how a team this bad could manage this, but his recruits did just win a national title at Florida. We could be looking at Illinois playing for a piece of the Big Ten championship in 2010 or 2011. Zook’s record of 4-19 looks like it could edge closer to double digits in the win column in the near future.

On a side note, I’m going to go ahead and take all of the credit for the wolves’ victory last night. I just know that sat huddled around the computer before the game saying, “That little bastard is going to eat his words. I can’t believe he has the nerve to say that shit!”

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Whittman, keep the streak alive!

The Timberwolves have got a great streak of 4 straight losses and are in the process of taking a nosedive in not only the division but also the conference. Losing ten of the last twelve has put our team on the right path to get Greg Oden or Kevin Durant but we’ve still got a long way to Go Mr. Whittman. Don’t you realize that both Boston and Memphis have only twelve wins? If we want to keep our eyes on the prize at the end of the season I think we need a lineup change.

Now starting for you Minnesota Timberwolves… At point guard Troy “T-Hud” Hudson (maybe he’ll blow out his knee and we can finally void his contract) At shooting guard Randy “4th quarter” Foye (somebody has to keep fans in their seats) At small forward Marko “could someone explain how I equal Cassell” Jaric (maybe his trade value will go up) At power forward Eddie “Hardwood Griffin (as long as we pay him we might as well let the guys around the league rag on him and hope for a crazy entertaining fight) And finally at center Kevin “I might as well do something for this team” McHale ( I’m hoping for a heart attack and a reason for KiKi Vandeweghe to leave ESPN.

Now is as good a time as any to start this new lineup ‘cause I don’t see the season getting any better… I feel sorry for KG.

I have enlisted the assistance of a friend of mine to add his views of the world on here. This poster has chosen to go under the moniker of "things," and I have decided to change to "stuff." Our new poster will be posting their first entry here a few minuets after I'm done, feel free to make fun.

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Google is Amazing

I just discovered how to do this today, and I think that it is a really great thing. The box on the right titled "shared links" is directly from my Google reader. I read quite a bit on this intraweb, so if when I find something interesting it will be shared. It seems to be a very cool feature. Google amazes me about once a week.

Usually you can't look away

But this is one train wreck that I will not stare at. I turned the wolves on in the 3rd quarter last night watched for 5 seconds, just enough to see the score, and immediately turned the channel. I got the final score texted (lost by 28) to me on my phone and so I flipped it back to see if witman was on, sure enough there he was. The camera was right in his face, you could tell he was really pissed. I feel bad for this guy, he was thrown into a terrible situation, he may be a good coach but it's not going to happen with this roster and this situation.

Since Mcfail fired case due to "inconsistency," are we going to fire witmen anytime soon. I guess they have been more consistent since he became coach. They have lost 4 of 6 which is under the .500 mark they were at. It is just the wrong type of consistency they were looking for. I know even without Yao the Rockets have played pretty well, they are the #1 defensive team in the association, but a competitive game would be pretty nice to see.

I know I gave the organization until the end of February to make some changes, but I doubt I will make it that long. I have already found myself checking the wizards box scores more. Go wizz

Monday, February 5, 2007


Chicago still exists. Still not sure how that makes me feel. But in other news the Commercials last night were a big MEH ( to me at least). I did enjoy the rock-paper-scissors one. You can see all of them right here on youtube.

Sunday, February 4, 2007


I have never really liked the bears, and this year has made me dislike them more. However, I feel that they are going to win tonight and I am scared for the city of Chicago if this happens.

When the White Sox won the World Series they shut down the streets and people went pretty nuts. I'd assume that things will be similar if the bears win, but the number of fans who care about the bears compared to who care about the White Sox is much greater. I am not really sure that Chicago will exist tomorrow if they win. It may get burned down, in the great fire of 2007. People are going to get seriously hurt. I'm sure that the Colts fans would go crazy if they won too but Chicago sports fans are known for being completely irrational at times (well i guess they're always irrational).

Well I just thought that writing this down now would allow me to say 'I told ya so' when all this happens tonight and into tomorrow morning. So lets all hope that for the sake of Chicago as a city, that they don't win the Super Bowl. It would me much better for them as a community to lose the game. Wow, I think I just gave myself more reason to cheer against the bears, I really didn't think this was possible.

Thursday, February 1, 2007

Welcome to the 17,280th (APROX.) hour of.....

the Super Bowl pre-game show. Who is excited for this game to start? Look at all the hands go up. Why the hell does there need to be two weeks in between the title games and the Stupid Bowl? Woops maybe I should have asked permission of the NFL to use the words Super Bowl. Anyways, here are some good links from around the intraweb that I found this week... I will do as little as I can on the NFL.

They call him the rich man's KG, and man is he good.

The kittie halftime show rocks too, sorry prince.

Gary Bettman sucks!!

Why isn't David Lee starting, Isiah=not smart.

This is an example of the title of my blog.