Some People's Kids: January 2008

Thursday, January 31, 2008

This Kid Looks Hungry

Seriously, someone get Corey Brewer a sandwich. I haven't been watching many Timberwolves' games this season, with good reason, but I tuned in recently. It blew my damn mind when I took a closer look at Mr. Brewer. This guy looks like a recovering crackhead. I mean no disrespect, as I'm sure he's a very nice fella, but he's 6'9" and 185 pounds. Someone that size should be about about 220-230. He makes a certain "Bez" look like a steroid-poppin' meathead.

Anyways, that random thought was not why I chose to come out of hiding and post.

It was Rick Pitino that said it best.. "All the negativity in this town sucks."
I think in some weird way, he was talking about the Twin-Cities. This has been a record year for suckage in Minnesota. We just had a nice little capper the other day with the worst trade I've ever seen... Ever. I'm referring to the Johan Santana trade of course. Anyone who tries to spin this in the Twins favor is completely nuts. The best pitcher in Major League Baseball for a bunch of "B" players and 3rd or 4th starters is the kind of stuff that should make a Twins' fan so god-damn angry. The hits just keep on coming for Minnesota sports fans. But I ask, when will it end? This negative trend needs to stop. It's making it really hard to be a fan. I think it was more just talk the last time I said this, but with every passing day it gets more and more real. I'm seriously going to start looking for other teams to root for if this keeps up. Some prospects could be the New Orleans Hornets, Golden State Warriors, Colorado Rockies, or maybe the Philadelphia Phillies. I will defect to the highest bidder.

In the ounce of positivity that I have left for the Minnesota clubs, I look to whats happening down at 600 First Avenue. It looks like we have actually have a player in Al Jefferson. I used to think that his nickname, "Big Al" was a bit premature, with him having proved nothing yet. Now, he's starting to live up to it by playing Big and holding his own against the League's best big men. Amare Stoudamire got "his" against the Wolves, (and trust me, he got plenty) but Jefferson got even more and had, arguably, the most dominant game in Wolves history with a 41 point, 19 Rebound explosion which went a long way in helping the Wolves beat Phoenix for the second time in three games. Then he proceeded to make Ben Wallace and some fool named Noah look like his charlie biatchs in back to backs against the Chicago Bulls the last couple days, while totaling 46 points and 32 rebounds in the two games. I was among the many who were very skeptical about Al (We got a good vibe) when he came via the Garnett trade this summer, but he's starting to make me a believer over the past couple weeks. Along with being the reigning Western Conference Player of the Week, he should also be representing the Timberwolves in the All-Star Game. He wont even sniff the game though because he currently ranks behind the likes of Luis Scola of the Rockets, Shane Battier, again of the Rockets, and Mehmet Okur from the Utah Jazz at the Forward and Center positions. Man, I sure am glad they let Asia vote for the NBA All-Stars... That's working out swimmingly. That said though, I think hes on the right path, and maybe it wont happen for a couple years but I think he will get his due if he keeps this tear up. If he wants to fast track that recognition, he could maybe think about working on a face up game and 17-18 foot jumpers. He would be pretty scary if he mastered one, or both of those. Keep this up, big fella, and I promise we will trade you to someone who actually wants you to play for their team. Your time will come. That's a certainty.

The Wolves still suck something awful, but I'm doing my best to cling to the shred of light that still exists with them. I do have one request though... Please start losing again! You were doing such a good job of it earlier in the year, but now are being lapped in ineptitude by the Miamis and Seattles of the world. Keep this up and you watch, you'll end up getting screwed by the NBA again in the draft.(circa 1992)

In closing, you know that things have gotten bad in Minnesota sports when the people at "Some People's Kids" turn our collective back's on your ass. We are about as homer as it gets.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Guess Who Still Sucks at Stuff

Its Troy Hudson. Golden State agreed. When the Warriors decided to clear a spot on the bench for Chris Webber they chose the dreaded one's spot. Its cool though, cause now he has time to work on his rap career.

Straight outta Carbondale, UHHH!

When will a Minnesota team Play for the present?

(I know how Matt feels after hearing that Johan is gone)

The owners in this town have been breaking my heart for as long as I can remember and its a bunch of bullshit. Stop telling me that we're a small market and its impossible to make money off of the respective teams. You don't continue running a business for 10 plus years that is always in the red unless you're already loaded and can use it as a tax write off. Once, just once, I want one of these teams to really go for the glory. I'm sick of losing stars because of ownership and management.

You're probably saying that the Timberwolves did it back in KG's MVP year. You're right, but when everything want down the drain the next year the team fired it's coach instead of the stars causing all of the trouble. Then they got rid of the stars causing all of the trouble almost immediately. This last year they got rid of the one man I associate with the team. I know this was the right thing to do under the circumstances and we got some value out of the deal, but if Kevin McHale had never been the VP of whatever the hell his title is this would not have needed to happen. Flip was the scapegoat.

McHale bet on Starbury, gave KG the biggest contract the NBA had ever seen, cost the Wolves 5 picks over Joe Smith and gave undeserved contracts to a handful of players including Troy Hudson. Is the future bright after the last 5 or so games we've seen from the Wolves and the knowledge that Al Jefferson didn't take a max contract? Yes, but the future is always bright in this frozen godforsaken hell hole. (I don't really mean that, its just so cold out right now)

Maybe you argue that the Vikings are doing things the proper way now through the draft and have the future best running back of all time. (knock on wood) Agreed, unfortunately the defense that is best against the run and has it's passing numbers inflated because of that is getting older by the day. Pat Williams, Darren Sharper and Antoine Winfield- all pro-bowl caliber players, are not getting any younger and the defense can only score so many points a game. We need sacks and we need an air game and those positions don't usually produce at a high level in their first year. We have nothing to show for letting Randy Moss go and all we got for Culpepper was Ryan Cook, the weakest link in a strong offensive line. They probably give me the most hope for a championship in the near future, but they won't be playing the Patriots this time next year.

Maybe you're saying that the Wild blah, blah, blah... you gotta understand I don't follow hockey, I watch it when its on. You want some solid analysis of the teams chances to bring me a trophy to celebrate you should go and ask Bez. He likes that shit... I just think its pretty and bloody and sometimes its pretty bloody.

Same goes for that Lacrosse team, and that women's basketball team, and college doesn't count because everything is too unpredictable.

Maybe you're saying the Twins have consistently made the playoffs or come close since the turn of the century. Carl Pohlad has 2.6 million dollars. If he signed Santana for $200 million for an 8 year contract (more than he wants) that would be less than one percent of our owner's total worth... he would have kept this contender together into his brand new stadium which we paid for. I realize that the salaries in Baseball are out of control, but we're talking about the best pitcher in baseball. I know Santana wanted to be on a bigger stage, but money like this could suade him to stay.

He's gone and its too late. Now my problem is the choice of packages. I wanted to take the Yankees deal with major league ready talent to go along with a team that is pretty good minus the greatest pitcher playing today. The World of B makes a good point about those who say that deals for star players have worked out for this team in the past. This is not A good player... this is THE greatest player in his prime. We should have been able to get more than what we got. Wait one week and maybe we get one or more of these teams to throw in that last piece we've been asking for.

I can't bring myself to wear a Yankees cap just to ensure that I get to celebrate a championship once every decade. I can't watch the Celtics without watching Allen and KG together and thinking about what would have happened if they'd started playing together back in the 90s on my team and changed the course of history. I won't be able to watch this Sunday's game without thinking that Joe Buck has something to do with Randy Moss being a Patriot and not on the Viking's sideline as part of a very explosive offense to go along with that dangerous defense. ( I know that is crazy far fetched and Red McCombs is really to blame, but I hate Buck and I hate how he handled that FAKE moon in Lambeau and how McCombs used it as reasoning to get rid of a hall of fame caliber receiver)

I just can't handle losing another phenomenal player. I've decided to brace myself for Adrian Peterson's departure today. I'm not doing this again. On behalf of Minnesota sports fans I say Fuck you world. Stop stealing my joy.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Twins Lose: Santana now a Metropolitan

The Twins traded Johan to the Mets today, and pending the two parties coming to terms on a contract extension, Santana will be a Metropolitan by the end of the week.

Fuck, in my own opinion Bill Smith has blinked twice.

1) When making the deal for Delmon Young, he originally could have included Rincon in the deal, but then he blinked and added Morlan. Don't get me wrong, I like the pieces we got in this deal, it's just a shame we had to get rid of one of our best pitching prospects in the process.

2) From the beginning of the Santana talks, the Twins stated that they wouldn't deal with the Mets without them including Reyes. It was pretty obvious that the Mets weren't going to included him in the deal under any circumstances. So the next best thing was to get a top prospect (see: Fernando Martinez), they definitely didn't do that.

I know, I know, this trading for Prospects business is never clear until said prospects have a chance to prove or disprove themselves. It is just that I'm not feeling much confidence in our new GM.

On the other hand 2 draft picks and a season of distractions wouldn't be any better.

So in the last 6 months or so we've lost the following:

Kevin Garnett

Torii Hunter

Johan Santana

Hey at least Santana didn't go to Boston or the Yankees, and will be playing in the NL. I'm going to go throw up now.

Also, the Twins Geek ask some interesting questions on this transaction.

Guess who's not affraid to kick the crap out of a little kid?

This guy.

That number seems a little inflated, but I'll take it. Don't cross me worlds population of 5 year olds. I will use one of you as a club to injure the others. That goes for you too little people. I see you standing there, waiting for your opportunity to attack. Its not gonna happen to this guy. I underestimate nobody.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Spike Jones Made Something Pretty

This is the intro to the "Fully Flared" video from Lakai. Mr. Jones didn't really do too much except slow everything down and add some explosions but he does it without becoming Michael Bay. I dig Spike Jones and his love of skateboarding and music videos. I like that the only time he makes feature films they are interesting and artistic. He made Being "John Malkovich" and noe hes working on "Where the Wild Things are." Granted he always shows up in the Jackass movies and TV show, but who wouldn't want to hang out with those guys no matter how lowbrow the comedy is?

I wouldn't mind having his career or life. The same way I want Nate Dogg's career (sans stroke)or Don Cheadle's career. I'd love to work on the projects I wanted to when I wanted to, have a low enough profile where I can go out to dinner and live a normal life, but every once in a while someone comes up to me and says, "Hey man, I really enjoy what you do."

Friday, January 25, 2008

Something good finally happens to the Twins

Justin Morneau and Micheal Cuddayer have signed long term deals with the Twins ensuring that we will not have another Hunter/Santana debacle on our hands. Morneau's contract is said to be 6 years long and worth about $80 million while Cuddayer's is 3 years and about $23 million. I think I would have liked them to put another year on Cuddy's contract, but if they move him to center like Gardy (bat-shit crazily) said might happen three years would probably be a better deal for the team to have the 4th year option.

I am really starting to like Bill Smith as the general manager of this team. I don't know about his ability to get the prospects in trades that Terry Ryan always seemed to find but he was willing to trade pitching for batting and now he's signed two very good baseball players to contracts before they got a whiff of free agency. Terry Ryan would be sitting with his thumb up his ass going over the Johan trade offers with a fine toothed comb and too busy to ensure that two of the best players on the club stay here in Minnesota.

Now all Smith has to do to pull off the trifecta of GM brilliance is get the Mets, Red Sox and Yankees back into a bidding war. Get me Lester and Elsbury. Get me Hughs, Kennedy and Cabrerra. Get me a couple players from the Mets that Terry Ryan approves of. Honestly I have no clue about any of the players being offered by the Mets and that scares me, but I didn't know who Joe Nathan, Boof Bonser and Fransisco Liriano were when I was unsure about making Mauer the every day starter (still not sure about how that will play out).

The Star Tribune told me about the contracts.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Ain't no stoppin' us now

Watch out NBA, here comes the Timberwolves.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Joker Dies in Gotham City

Batman wanted for questioning.

Monday, January 21, 2008

I used to think wrestling was not awesome

It still isn't, but I've gained a lot of respect for this particular wrestler.

I saw a similar clip at The Big Lead, but found one with some more info for you guys.

Thank God Almighty!

The Wolves won. Their victory made me realize that I have my own dream.

Two years less a score Marv Wolfenson and Harvey Ratner, in whose symbolic shadows we stand today, signed the expansionation proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light to thousands of Minnesotans who had been frostbitten by the winds of withering injustice. It came as a joyous ray of sunshine to end the long winter of discontent.

But eighteen years later, the Minnesotan is still not free. The life of a Minnesotan is still sadly crippled by the manacles of ineptitude and the chains of it's ownership. The Minnesotan lives on an island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity (Portland?). And so we've come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.

We have come to this hallowed spot to remind the NBA of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promise of victory. Now is the time to lift our team from the quicksands of injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to making winning a reality for all of the shivering children.

It would be fatal for the ownership to overlook the urgency of the moment. This freezing winter of the team's legitimate discontent until there is an invigorating spring of defense and teamwork. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in Minnesota until the Timberwolves are granted the right to victory.

But there is something I must say to my team, who stand on the warm threshold which leads to the palace of parquet and iron: in the process of gaining our rightful place, we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for victory by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative defense to degenerate into violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of physical force with contact on the ball and the ball alone.

We cannot walk alone. (Travel)
And as we walk, we must pledge that we shall always push the ball forward.
We cannot turn our back. (on the ball handler)

There are those that will ask the fans, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as the team is victim of the unspeakable horrors of road losses. We can never be satisfied when our bodies, heavy with fatigue and travel, cannot gain the upper hand in the Arenas along the highways and the Gardens of the cities.

Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends.

And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. it is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that this team will rise up and live out the true meaning of it's creed, " We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all teams are created equal."
I have a dream that Al Jefferson will make us all forget about Kevin Garnett.
I have a dream that Randy Foye can make up for his not being Brandon Roy.
I have a dream that Sebastion Telfair is the truth and not just a throw in to make the money work.
I have a dream that the Wolves will actually get the number one pick when they deserve it.
I have a dream that one day I will open the front page and it will contain these four words- McHale, Whitman, Murder, Suicide

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that Theo Ratliff's contract along with the other expiring contracts will be enough to coax a worthy free agent into the snow an blistering cold.
I have a dream that we will make the right decision when deciding which SG/SFs to keep and get good value out of those who no longer remain on the roster.
I have a dream that this team will free itself from the dungeon that is the bottom of the NBA standings. And we will let freedom ring.

And when this happens, when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every lake and every hill, we will be able to speed up that day when
all of God's children, black men and white men, Protestants and Catholics, we will be able to join hands and sing in the words of that old Spiritual

free at last, free at last
Thank god almighty, we are free at last!
This is meant in no way to be disrespectful to Dr. King or any of his beliefs. He has done more for this nation than a good number of presidents and did it all in a way that would seem impossible if I hadn't seen the footage with my own eyes. If you have taken offense to this I sincerely apologise. Unless you are Kevin Mchale- seriously, its time to leave dude.

Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

When the Zombies Begin to Exist

Look, I don't know if you guys are aware of this yet or not, but I'm a little crazy. The other guys will tell you its true. I have a tendency to blow things out of proportion and go a little bit conspiracy theorist. Now is one of those times, and I'll tell you up front that my feelings on this issue are totally, completely 100% true. I don't exactly think this will result in the emergence of actual zombies, but I don't think anything good will come of this.

The FDA has announced that food from cloned animals is safe to eat. I don't like this. Remember how people are not supposed to play god? Yeah, I think eating the ultimate bastard child is going to piss off some sort of supernatural being. (I won't name names because I have not had the pleasure of meeting any such beings) Have they even perfected cloning? Dolly the sheep only lived 6 years when the normal life expectancy is 12-15 years. And the FDA is the same organization that approved Vytorin- The cholesterol drug that has the tiny, insignificant side-effect of CLOGGING YOUR ARTERIES.

Then, on top of all of this crazy bullshit President Bush made a speech backing up the Mayan calender. Their calender inexplicably ends in 2012. An ancient civilization that not only knew that there were 365 days in a year, but knew that there was an extra fraction of a day to be factored in. What exactly did our fearless leader say?

"When history was written the final page will say victory was achieved by the United States of America for the god of the world"
That dumb bastard has already read the history of the world, and according to him We've been close to victory is near. A victory that lands on the final page of history. Wanna know what the last words on that page are? "And then the Zombies came and many brains were eaten. The End."
This cloned meat is somehow going to result in a "mad human disease" I just know it.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Watch out Tubby

Don't look now but Iowa just got their first win in Big Ten Conference play last night. They beat a # 6 ranked Michigan State team 43-36. I bet you're asking what was the score after the 2nd half, but that was the final score. I guess you could say that Iowa didn't win, they really just didn't lose the game.

Even though I am a big Hawkeye fan, I feel bad for the people who paid money to watch this game. Iowa shot 27% from the field while MSU shot 30%. Michigan State was missing lay-ups and couldn't hit anything, the were stuck at 18 points for the last 8 minutes of the 1st half and the first 2 minutes of the 2nd half. This loss stopped an 11 game winning streak and tied a school record for least points scored in a game.

To top it off the Iowa students in attendance, stormed the floor. Embarrassing. At least Tom Izzo is still a douche bag. Watch out Tubby

This Man has Balls of Steel

Wachovia, Brinks and The FBI will never live down a robbery for so much money that happened on Pennsylvania Avenue. This is D.B. Cooper type shit!

If this dude ends up in jail he will automatically be made king of the miscreants. They will bow to him and throw cigarettes at his feet. He will have the power to stop and start riots with the snap of his fingers.

He will be carried from place to place by the lesser criminals and they will ask his advice about various acts of villainy. Nasty Nate will give him his cocktail fruit, and squirrel master will gladly run security for the man.

The FBI will probably hire him to think of other innovative ways to rob a bank in order to not be shamed this way in the future.

If only I could get away with something so glorious.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Wolves Might Lose Fewer Games in the Future

Randy Foye has been cleared to work out.

I know that doesn't matter because the team is a steaming pile of shit being lead by three blind men with a cumulative IQ of 42, but I've wanted to see what this team was supposed to look like all season. Foye stated earlier this year that he felt he would be ready to about 5 games after given the go ahead. That would place his return on the 18th or 19th of December against Phoenix of Denver. My guess is that he will take longer than that to get back into game form and would only have a minimal role for the first few games back seeing as the team has a snowballs chance in hell of doing anything but accumulating the most ping pong balls for that crazy lottery that should only take 5 minutes but ESPN stretches out into an hour.

Foye has been out all season with a stress reaction- that's jibba jabba for a few millimeters from needing micro fracture surgery. That's a bunch of bullshit Randy, I remember this great runningback who tore a ligament in in his knee and hit the ground running two games later. His knee Randy! Runningbacks need their knees just as badly as point guards. You're not even a real point guard, the three headed beast just shoved you into that role.

I'm just playin'. It'll be good to possibly win 2 games a month instead of the 1 that we have become so accustomed to. We might even be able to challenge the Heat, Knicks and Supersonics on a semi-regular basis. Watch out world, here come the T-Wolves!

On a quasi-related note Bracey Wright is averaging 15.5 points, 2.8 rebounds, 1.7 assists, 1 steal and just under a steal in 30 minutes for Aris TT Bank in Greece. The team has a 6-4 record and have 4 more games to go in the regular season. I have no clue how basketball works in Europe but there are three different groups so I think its like soccer and goes on forever as long as they keep on winning.

It might be time for the Triple B- BRING BRACEY BACK. I wouldn't be surprised if we don't see Theo Ratliff again this year and thought there is no place for him on the team it wouldn't really matter as long as someone can stand on the court for a couple of minutes while we get beat.

Friday, January 4, 2008

Get Off My Team

The season is over for the Minnesota Vikings and now its time for the coaching staff evaluate each of the players and make some decisions about who should stay and who should go. As a professional know nothing I've decided to do my own evaluating. The Star Tribune has a list of all the Vikings free agents which could come in handy for those of you following along.

The first person I want off my team is TROY WILLIAMSON. I've seen blind guys with better hands than this waste of space... I'm so glad we traded the best wide receiver still playing for Williamson and Napoleon Harris cause that totally worked in our favor. Red McCombs is getting a shank in the side if I ever run into him. Robert Ferguson is a free agent and though I'm not a huge fan of Ferguson I'd rather resign him and drop Williamson and look for an actual number one receiver. Free agents to look into are Andre Davis, Bernard Berrian, that's about it since Patrick Crayton signed his contract.

Up next is Brooks Bollinger and Kelly Holcomb. I want them both gone, I want someone who can actually compete with Tarvaris Jackson for the number one spot (Quinn Gray? Cleo "Fucking" Lemon?) and I want to use a fourth - Sixth round pick on a QB. Lets draft our own Tom Brady or Tony Romo.
Dwight Smith must also leave. he can't tackle Clinton Portis, he can't keep his thing in his pants and he can't wait until the offseason to smoke copious amounts of ganja. Take note current Vikings players the off season and the comfort of your own home is the ideal place to get high. I don't care if it helps with pain, its against the law for some reason and we can't be busting players out of jail on Saturday nights so they can play the next morning. Re-sign Tank Williams and get another safety through the draft or try to pick up someone like Gibril Wilson

Ryan Cook. God Damn Retard.
Erasmus James. Play a game. 5 sacks and 30 tackles in 23 games is no good and he's played 8 games in the last two seasons. I hate the fact that Childress favors James above Ray Edwards and Brian Robinson.

People I will miss.
Meweldi Moore is almost certainly gone, but I think hes one hell of a football player who found himself in an unfavorable position.
Spencer Johnson will most likely find a new home this off season but he is the man that gives the Willaims boys breaks without anybody noticing it.