Some People's Kids: When the Zombies Begin to Exist

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

When the Zombies Begin to Exist

Look, I don't know if you guys are aware of this yet or not, but I'm a little crazy. The other guys will tell you its true. I have a tendency to blow things out of proportion and go a little bit conspiracy theorist. Now is one of those times, and I'll tell you up front that my feelings on this issue are totally, completely 100% true. I don't exactly think this will result in the emergence of actual zombies, but I don't think anything good will come of this.

The FDA has announced that food from cloned animals is safe to eat. I don't like this. Remember how people are not supposed to play god? Yeah, I think eating the ultimate bastard child is going to piss off some sort of supernatural being. (I won't name names because I have not had the pleasure of meeting any such beings) Have they even perfected cloning? Dolly the sheep only lived 6 years when the normal life expectancy is 12-15 years. And the FDA is the same organization that approved Vytorin- The cholesterol drug that has the tiny, insignificant side-effect of CLOGGING YOUR ARTERIES.

Then, on top of all of this crazy bullshit President Bush made a speech backing up the Mayan calender. Their calender inexplicably ends in 2012. An ancient civilization that not only knew that there were 365 days in a year, but knew that there was an extra fraction of a day to be factored in. What exactly did our fearless leader say?

"When history was written the final page will say victory was achieved by the United States of America for the god of the world"
That dumb bastard has already read the history of the world, and according to him We've been close to victory is near. A victory that lands on the final page of history. Wanna know what the last words on that page are? "And then the Zombies came and many brains were eaten. The End."
This cloned meat is somehow going to result in a "mad human disease" I just know it.

1 comment:

Jay said...

I agree and am afraid. I don't want to eat dolly!!! My brains are precious and I want them intact!