Too many MCs not enough Mics

I know that Baseball is in full swing and we are now just getting to the entertaining part of NFL training camp but I just can't get over the Timberwolves. I'm probably the last person that should be trying to figure out the roster for next year, but this team has way too many players that play the same position (2 &3) and too many players in general. I'm going to try to go through the roster, make some hypothetical trades, balance veterans and newbies and get this team down to the 12 active players allowed by the NBA. This is going to be hard and I know the post is going to be long, but bear with me.

The easiest problem to solve is Chris Richards. The teams second round draft pick out of Florida is going to have to spend at least one year in the NBDL. Hopefully while there he will be turned into more of a center and will only have to wait until Theo Ratliff's big contract is up or he goes down for the season. Whichever comes first.

Theo Ratliff is going to spend the season as the backup center. Mark Blount will probably be the starter. I really don't care who starts, but I like the idea of this tandem. They are Yin and Yang. Blount is finesse and can come in when the team is down and in need of some points. Ratliff can come in when the D needs to keep the lead. He's gritty, a rebounder and a shot blocker. Granted I don't believe that he'll be 100% but if he is good enough to play he can bring the D that this team has been lacking. Between Ratliff and Jefferson they can equal or do better than one defensive KG not to mention the other power forwards I'll be keeping on this roster.

Al Jefferson is a no-brainer. McFail and Taylor better get a contract extension in front of him and soon, if not they had better find a spot in the witness protection program because every basketball-loving bastard in the state is going to be out for blood. You don't give up KG and let the best piece of the puzzle get away. He stays.

The backup to Jefferson is going to be Juwan Howard. I know he is old balls like Robert Horry, but I want him on the team to help Jefferson and Craig Smith and/or Ryan Gomes. He'll be a great teacher for the young guys and hopefully he'll have a calming demeanor and interject some veteran presence when it’s needed.

My major problem with this roster is that 5th big man. I want to see Smith and Gomes battle it out in training camp for the final spot, but I feel like I'm going to pair one of their cheaper salaries and upside with Marko Jaric or Mark Madsen in order to get a team to bite on a trade. Wikipedia claims that 6 of the 16 players currently on the roster are Power Forwards. We've already sent Richards to the NBDL and given 2 spots on the roster other 4s, plus Howard can play center when necessary. The two vying for my last spot are the same height and while Gomes had a better average over the season Smith averaged 21 pts and 10 rebs when he started the last 5 games. It comes down to intangibles when they are only going to be allotted so many minutes. I think I'll go with Smith seeing as he and Foye have meshed while Jefferson and Gomes share the same position and there won't be that same kind of connection on the court.

The ESPN Trade machine says that there are trade restrictions on all of the Boston players and Juwan, so I've decided to have Smith and Gomes duke it out in camp. If Smith loses he gets bunched with one of the players I'll try to trade. If Gomes loses I'll deal him for a draft pick and some cash if I can get it.

We're going to skip the Shooting guard and small forward for the moment because those positions are the others that give me problems.

As for Point Guard I'm going to stick with Randy Foye as the starter even though it's not his natural position. This hurts me, but there are so many interchangeable parts in the 2/3 positions and I see football players change positions when they are drafted all the time. Sebastian Telfair is going to stick around as my backup PG as long as he can keep his guns locked up in a cabinet somewhere far away from the team.

Now I've got 5 spots left and two positions to fill. Starting shooting guard is going to be Ricky Davis for the time being. I'd like to trade him later down the road because of the prima donna ways and what I've read about possible bad blood between him and Jefferson. His backup is going to be Rashad McCants. I want Shaddy's minutes to expand, but I want his micro fracture surgery fully healed. Plus I still feel like he's got some learning to do after all of that missed time.

I think I'd like to keep my 3 shooting forwards on the team. I feel like they've all got something to bring to the table. I have a good feeling about Gerald Green… not just because he is so young or because he won the Slam Dunk competition. Green had to sit behind Paul Pierce and Wally Szczerbiak. He'll be my scoring SF. Trenton Hassell will be my veteran presence. I love Trenton so I'm going to keep him around but he is going to be trade bait in a year. His job is to teach Corey Brewer everything he has learned about defense. Brewer is going to get the fewest minutes of the bunch, with Green and Hassell switching in and out in a similar fashion to our Center position; Green to get the lead, Trenton to keep it.

That leaves 3 men out not including our NBDL bound friend Mr. Richards: Marko Jaric, Mark Madson and most likely Gomes. Gomes is easy to get rid of, but like I said before I may have to part with Smith in order to rid myself of Mark and O. I heard a rumor that Detroit wanted Marko Jaric for Nazr Mouhammed, which I'm totally down with, and Madson and Smith for Lindsay Hunter worked, so I'd like to work out a deal with Detroit. If we got Hunter in here he could spend his final contract year teaching Foye how to play point and Bassy how to stop pointing guns.

I know I just spent far too much time rambling but I've come up with a team. Gomes gets traded for a pick. Mad dog and Smith end up in Detroit. (I know. I hate that I got rid of two young players, but being a GM is hard and you can't please everybody.) Three deep at PG Foye starts, Bassy plays second fiddle and Hunter teaches. Starting shooting guard is Ricky Buckets with McCants backing up. Marko Jaric clings to the end of the bench waiting for someone to injure himself while Jaric tells himself that he can play 1-3. The crowd sits and laughs knowing that he can't even properly shave the stubble off of his face. Small Forward is taught and started by Hassell with Mr. Green as our 6th or 7th man and Brewer slowly adapting to the higher level of play. Al Jefferson Starts at Power Forward backed up by Juwan Howard. Mark Blount Starts at Center and Theo Ratliff backs him up. If a smaller lineup is needed or one of the center/ Forwards gets hurt Brewer or Hassell can slide to the PF for a minute or two.

I know that's 13, but someone is going to get injured during camp and as soon as they get better someone else will get injured. This is basketball people! There are always injuries. That leaves us with Lindsay Hunter, Theo Ratliff and Ricky Buckets in their final years. Same goes for Foye, Green, Jefferson, McCants and Telfair but some if not all will be resigned using. The veteran contracts add up to almost 21 million to add to the 15.8 million worth of yummy cap space that we have already got stock piled and the almost 4 million in trade exceptions (Which I tried to fully understand). That 37 million is enough to handsomely reward Foye and Jefferson and still go after another big name. Right?

Written by the Muck-up (photo from I heart KG)

NBA News and Notes

• The Spurs won the title again, which means the Pats will win the Super Bowl just to spite San Antonio.
• Michael Finley is one of the few Spurs players left who deserves a ring.
  
• Tim Duncan is still a bitch.
• Tony parker is marrying a succubus. (and won MVP)
  
• LeBron still needs help in Cleveland.
• Robert Horry has enough championship rings to auction one off on E-bay when he gets poor.
  
• I watched the first half of game 4 in spanish. ( had to make it interesting some how)
• Juwan Howard is now a member of the Wovles. (goodbye Mike James and Justin Reed)
• Bracey Wright is still locked up somewhere in the basement of the Target Center
  
• I love you grandma. Remember that time I threw up a bunch of orange soda on the merry-go-round? or watching "Get Smart." I'll try to get there soon.
• Its harder to type when you've been drinking
• Falco ist tot
  

San Antonio Will Win The Finals

Don’t worry Cavs fans, the only reason I said that was because I’ve noticed that any definitive statement I am forced to eat my words (here and here). The Cavs are the team I want to win, along with everyone not living in Texas, and I honestly think they have a good shot. The Cavs are absolutely nothing special without LeBron and people have been ragging on him since he entered the league about everything from free throw percentage to his ability to put up the last second shot.

That last second shot argument has always bothered me. People argue that he has been in the league for 4 years and still has troubles taking that shot. I say its because he dominated in high school and there was never any real need for that type of shot… the kid spent his high school years dominating everyone who attempted to play ball against him. When March madness rolls around who usually takes the last shot for a team? It’s the upperclassmen who have felt this pressure before. LaBron’s entry into the NBA was a baptism by fire, and he did way better than any high-schooled before him. KG may always pass up on the final shot but LeBron won’t have a problem after his best playoff performance yet.

It seems to me that LeBron figured out that he has to take control of the game and that he doesn’t have Scottie Pippen, B.J. Armstrong, Horace Grant, Kerr and Paxson. LeBron has the human equivalent of peanut brittle in Larry Hughes, a rookie who calls himself Boobie (come on ladies- lets make some interesting shirts) and Sideshow Bob Anderson Varejao. Lebron’s supporting cast is more like the supporting cast of a screwball comedy and I think he is beginning to realize this. This is why he knocked down the final two free throws in game 4 while laughing in the face of his critics. This is why he returned in game 5 with two dunks in the last 30 seconds to tie it up and followed those up with the rest of the team’s points in the two subsequent overtimes.

I truly believe that whatever sparked LeBron to a series win over Detroit saved the NBA finals. I know that I personally didn’t want to watch a Spurs/Pistons series. That sounds like the time I walked into the voting booth and got to choose between Bush and Kerry… both seemed like bad options. I only hope that LeBron can summon the force once more and defeat the darkside of the NBA. Look, I found some evidence… Its Pop and Palp.

Mr. Belding sends Nu-Ball to detention

Last night the Warriors were booted out of the playoffs by the Jazz. Tonight the Suns will most likely lose home court advantage that they gained in the previous game because David Stern has no balls. True to form, the second I make a statement and/or observation about a sport I am slapped in the face with reality. Honestly… go look at the wild live blogs, we lost every single game I wrote about and then lost the playoff series when I started calling the guy from The Battle of California a dick.

The Warriors game me hope for an exciting second season. Baron Davis’ beard could cross you over all by itself, Steven Jackson needed only his pointer and thumb to send shivers down the spines of his opponents, and in my book Matt Barnes gave himself a name. Its not something I would wish upon the man, but I wonder what would have happened if the Jazzy Warrior’s child had had more complications and Mr. Fisher had to stay behind. I wonder what would have been had the Warriors been able to take one of the very winnable first two games in the series. The Jazz proved that they belong in the playoffs by doing something that “the best team in the NBA” couldn’t, but do they belong in the NBA finals?

Now for the second series I’m going to throw a bit of a strange analogy at you. I present Zack Morris (the Spurs) and Mr. Belding (David Stern). Mr. Belding is Zack’s bitch. He can get away with anything and anyone who gets in his way will eventually be sent to detention. I state my case chronologically. First Joey Crawford’s officiating duties are revoked for the remainder of the year. Maybe the man was wrong in T-ing Duncan up twice while on the bench, but if had to deal with that preppy Virgin (islander) and his backhanded comments and sideways glances all the time I’d probably get fed up too. Why wasn’t Crawford just relegated to the eastern conference playoffs and kept from the finals?

Next is Tony Parker’s “accidental” head butt of Steve Nash in the first game that kept him off of the court for the final minutes of game one. Remember how Zack Morris managed to get the teachers to strike once and how he got a history test postponed so the Football team could learn some new plays for the big game? Well in game one Parker had Nash seeing red and in game one and Bruce Bowen took his baby making abilities away from him in game three. Two players physically harmed the rightful MVP without any repercussions other than what amounts to a couple of bucks to a pro basketball player.

When Belding finally does punish Zack it is the most laughable punishment ever. Robert Horry basically cross checks Nash in a losing effort and must pay with two games. Amare Stoudamire and Boris Diaw must sit what looks to be their final home game of the season (barring some act of god) for stepping onto the court. They were herded back to the bench far before coming close to a member of the Spurs and dammit, you try watching your team leader (and smallest guy) get battered and beaten all series long. Those steps onto the court were simply a reaction and I don't even have to show you the stats of these players to show how lopsided the suspensions are. I watched Torii Hunter take a few steps towards the mound after taking a ball in the face and not get suspended by Bud Selig. I heard you could kill an opposing soccer player in Europe and only have to sit out the remainder of the game.

Everybody hates the Spurs; they aren’t fun to watch, they play dirty, they bitch when things aren’t going their way and they have Stern in their back pocket. I guarantee that the kids walking around the halls of Bayside High hated Zack Morris, his big ass cell phone, his friends (I’m sure they had crushes on the girls though) and his ability to get away with anything he pleased. We are now destined for an NBA finals featuring Zack and A.C. Slater (The Pistons).

P.S. Looks like somebody else left the bench in that game.

Robert Horry’s playoff adventure #212

(Editors Note: Once in a very blue moon Mr. Robert Horry stops by to give us his old and decrepit thoughts on the playoffs. Considering the man has been to every one since dinosaurs ruled the earth we figured he’d have some insight on just about everything.)

Well ain’t that aboutabitch, the Spurs went and lost their fist game… and at home no less. I’ll tell you why it happened- they didn’t put me out on the court in the final seconds. Coach Pop musta forgot my nickname was “big shot Bob.” I had a feeling we was gonna lose before the game even started. When I came into the locker room I asked Tim Duncan what he was listening to (because I didn’t have my hearing aids in yet) and he said Kenny G. I figured this was Warren G’s younger brother but he told me it was adult-contemporary-I-don’t-even-know-the-fuck-what. Then Pop went and forgot the Geritol, I can’t be goin’ on the court with low Iron in my blood.

When I’m on the sidelines I usually sit by Brent Barry, Bruce Bowen and Micheal Finley cause them bitches is old too. Plus outside of Tim everybody else be talking Spanish and shit… I went to Alabama Goddamnit, I don’t speak no Spanish. I thought you got a championship ring just for being in the league. I was like, “how many you got, Micheal? Probably 5.” And he got all pissy and called me a prick. I got news for you Finley, I may be a prick but I’m a prick with 6 rings.

Later on Coach Pop put me out on the floor to try and talk some sense into Melo. I told him if I had done what he did to New York Walt Frazier would have slapped the shit out of me. That boy is lucky he only had to deal with Nate “25 cents” Robinson. Melo started talking some shit about my oxygen tank and sent that big Brazilian bastard Nene after me. I’m liable to break a goddamn hip out here so I made Pop take me back off.

I wanted to go back in at the end of the game but Pop was like “you wanted out.” I told him it was my time and I felt the fire, but he said that was just arthritis. I was like all I do is win, I got this 3. All we needed was a 3 and he goes with some young bucks who don’t answer to the name “big shot Bob.” At least Duncan’s grandma taped “Matlock” for me, I was afraid I was gonna miss it.