So Into the Wild

I found this on Hockey Wilderness last night and thought I'd pass it along what with the draft tonight and the lack of other sports news right now. I'm not so sure how I feel about this, I loved Into The Wild and can see where this satire is coming from but it just off in the hockey department.
Apparently they decided to mispronounce Gaborik's name on purpose but there aren't enough people who know the correct pronunciation for that to be funny... I think they f'ed up after the film was already cut. I also don't know why the dude would be going to Ontario to win a contest with Minnesota's franchise player.

I also despise the Minnesotan accent... yes, Minnesotans have an accent but its never that pronounced unless you've spent your whole life in the sticks.

A must watch

That could be the goal of the year, from Calder Memorial Trophy winner Johnathan Toews.

This Guy is King??

Today at work I was reading what the critically acclaimed Neubiedamus wrote, and I had to respond to one statement. I figured it didn't belong in the comments section. Here is what he wrote.

All I know is that, right now, in the Land of the Major Sports
Commissioners, Gary Bettman is king.

Ok, so I agree with the fact that Bettman's league hasn't had anyone raise dogs to fight, had any referees investigated by the FBI for fixing games, or has his league's sacred records under a "cloud" of steroid use, but in the so called land of the major sports
commissioners he's far from king. Bettman has shown an absolute ineptitude in running the NHL. He began as NHL commissioner in 1993, and in his time the game of hockey has failed to generate the following that it deserves.

Gary Bettman has overseen his sport through three work stoppages, one of which
caused the entire 2004-2005 season to be canceled. Four franchises have had to declare bankruptcy. He has pulled teams from markets like Winnipeg and expanded teams in to markets like Nashville where the sun shines but nobody cares about hockey. After watching these teams in non-traditional markets see little success, he has blocked teams moving to markets like Hamilton, Ontario, where they have the funding for stadiums and fans that would enthusiastically back them. There is even speculation that when the NHL came looking to the NBA for their new commissioner, before Bettman was hired, David
Stern looked around his office and found the dumbest man working for him and said here ya go.

I know that his position in the presently, relative to the other 3 commissioners, may seem better, but I must insist that the job he has done as the NHL commissioner is horrible. He faces the reality that the other can't even imagine; no one is watching. He has them on a fringe cable channel, which people (who must be the laziest people alive) complain that they can't find. He has the NHL in a deal with NBC, who hasn't had to pay a cent, and where they pick the games and then drop them for horse races that won't even occur for a matter of hours.

There are a few bright spots in the league. There is some great young talent coming into this league, in response the NHL needs to do what they can to sell these kids to the fans. The fans they do have are very loyal, and will go out of their way to view the games. Although I hate them as much as the next guy there have been rumors of the World Wide Leader expressing interest in buying Versus out of their contract with the NHL. This would be great; it would mean more games, highlights, and exposure.

In this world of the Major Sports Commissioner, Selig has it pretty bad, all of which is his fault. Also, he hasn't handled this Bonds situation very well. Stern, who will never lose his job, has a pretty big task ahead of him. He has the opportunity to make his league much more transparent to the public, which will slowly bring fans back. This Goodell character has it fairly good. Dog fighting is really bad in the public opinion, which makes Michael Vick bad, so there is not much flexibility with what his decisions should be. Also, the NFL is a Teflon league, nothing seems to hurt it.

If any of these Commissioners needs to go its still Bettman first, Selig 2nd in my book, the other two have great job security. As a true fan of the NHL, I say Fire Bettman.

Some stuff hapened while I was gone

While I was gone a couple notable things happened regarding the sports teams in Minnesota That I thought were worth mentioning.

The AL All-star team was announced somewhere between Iowa and Wisconsin and I swear to god it took me 2 days to figure out which Twins made the team. The batting Champ was replaced by the MVP Torii got invited this year and Johan made it 3 in a row. Pat Neshek was included on the Internet vote for the final spot. Alas, the wacky, blogging reliever from Brooklyn Park was unable to overcome the terrible twosome that is the Red Sox nation and Japan. Hideki Okajima stole the final spot.

In other Twins news... Holy shit, they scored 32 against the White Suks today. Torii had one in each game, Dr. Morneau had 3 (in one game!), Gimpy Cirillo had one, Kubel displayed that power people keep on trying to tell me he has and Cuddy hit double digits in the HR catagory. In the second game of the double header Mike Redmond took a bat to the face invoking a strange rule that TNABACG explains. I'm calling it the Chris Hientz rule from now on

In Wolves news Kammron Taylor was added to the Summer league roster. I believe that this is a good pickup and though it will not fill the void left by Bracey, its a start. Stupid McHale.

The Wild signed Pierre Mark Bouchard Wes Walz to one-year deals and requested arbitration for Boogaard. They also Signed a dude on 'roids so that we have a chance of beating the Ducks. I will have my day, Earl.

The Vikings plan on raping you if you want to go to the Bears or Packers games. If you want tickets to those games you're gonna need to buy preseason games. Note to self- Hit up the August 10th or 30th preseason game to check out Adrian Peterson... people will be giving away tickets. Also, Kelly Holcomb would like to become the quarterback for the team, but Brad Childress still feels like the team isn't ready for quarterback at this point in time.

Camp Fight Club

Summer is always the time for kids to go to camp. Parents send their kids to many different instructional camps. The Minnesota Wild’s Derek Boogaard has started a first in sports camps; fighting camp for hockey players. Sounds kind of like Fight Club, I wonder if anyone has multiple personalities. Derek is doing this camp with his brother Aaron, who just recently signed with the Pittsburg Penguins.

With people who are unfamiliar with hockey wanting the fighting aspect out of the game, this is sure to anger some. Be sure though Derek and his brother Aaron will not be teaching kids how to hurt other players. There will be no stick to the throat or tackle from behind drills. The majority of the camp is focused on balance, and technique of holding the other player.

“One of the radio stations said it’s a stupid idea, but that’s all right. No big deal. All the parents were happy with it, and we’re not teaching them how to hurt anybody.”

Fighting in sports is such a weird subject. Just last weekend you have the Cubs/Padres bench clearing brawl and only 2 players get suspended, Carlos Zambrano even took his belt off to do who knows what and he didn’t get suspended, he kept pitching. About a month ago two players from the suns walked 10 feet from their bench, didn’t touch anyone and got suspended. Earlier in the season the Knicks and Nuggets get into a little fisticuffs and people are talking about how our culture has failed and we should shut the NBA down.

Well I guess the people who get all bent about this are the main stream media anyways, who for the most part blow these thing out of proportion. Shit any time there is a fight that doesn’t involve a cheap shot (see stick to the throat) people want to see it. I think the fights in the NBA are more comedy then they are destructive (there are some exceptions: see Ron-ron). MLB won’t change their policies, they’re too worried about steroids from years ago, well maybe in 5 years they’ll go back and try to suspend more people involved in that fight last weekend, like they are trying with steroids.

The NHL will always have fighting. There are no two ways about it, it is needed in the game. If it’s not there too many people will get hurt. It is good to see a professional athlete teaching the right way to do his skill. Keep it going Boogey.

Russo's Rants: Derek Boogaard Update

LUNCH BREAK: Tigers need not wait said half hour

Yesterday I brought you a naked swimmer and today I bring you a swimming tiger. Bez pointed these pictures out to me the other day and since I had no theme for the lunch break I thought this would do. Today’s links are very Minnesota heavy so screw you, other 49 states in the union. There, I said it.

Musings from a Twins fan trapped in Chicago. Apparently they are still bitter about the sweep.

Roger Goodell’s inner monologue

Surprisingly the Wolves don’t show up on this list of the worst and best NBA drafts in the last ten years. Except for the time they passed up their pick.

Some notes about Tarvaris Jackson and Adrian Peterson from NFC-North.com.

Tim Brewster is lying, but his son is probably a better quarterback.

The T-wolves blog want Chauncey back. I just want to know how many guards Detriot would be willing to take in return.

The Cobra Brigade breaks down the NBA finals match-up by position.

Manny and Backstrom forced to appear on stage together to accept an award… Awkward.

Do not play a game of pick-up ball with THE GAME.

Randball takes time out of his busy day to scratch his head.

LUNCH BREAK: 8 over 1 Edition

Baron's beard, Barns' faux hawk and Jackson's gap teeth will be moving on to the next round of the playoffs. The Mavs got manhandled all series, and looked nothing like the 67 game winning team that they claimed to be. On top of that Golden State is the best And1 team ever; they're exciting, fast and if Baron would just put the ball under his shirt and spin it around during a game basketball purists would come running out of the woodwork crying about what I will dub "Nu-Basketball."

Warriors fans have photoshop fun at the expense of Sir Charles for backing the Mavericks.

Ever wonder what Joe Mauer says to the pitchers when he visits the mound?

What in the hell are you guys doing??? You could either be Mr. Irrelevant in the NBA draft or you could spend a year learning from Tubby Smith and not be in the Durrant/Oden/Gators draft class.

Hockey may be over for the Wild, but Randy Carlyle is keeping their spirit alive.

Reason #1 why we at SPK are not tiger fans. Hanible Lecter is scared of this guy.

To sum up this soccer player in one word… CrazyGoNutz!

Howard Sinker has found something very interesting about Joe Nathan. He should now start working on my Jessie Crain problem.

Looks like Ron Artest’s summer rap tour is going to have to cut a few days out of the schedule

LUNCH BREAK: Kansas City Shuffle Edition

Its been a slow sports day and I’ve been working on some other things for the past few hours, But I decided that we needed to throw something new at you (even if we didn’t write it) So here is the lunch break… though its more of a Lupper or a Linner Break.

In Kansas City four bottles of Dom is enough for the whole team to share.

Having to rely on Cleveland for your draft really sucks. I hope they pick Quinn, the more I see him the more he looks like a D-bag.

When the Yankees season unravels it won’t be A-rod’s fault.

Batgirl and I agree that something strange happened in Kansas City… She thinks it was a little stranger than I do.

An in-depth look at "Manny being Manny." And exactly how Mannyrific it is.

Playoff Hockey fights galore.

J.J. Reddick Blogs about his first Playoff experience and Pacman tells Goddell all about his 4/20 over at The Ghost of Wayne Fontes.

Sebastian Telfair thinks he’s gangsta.

LUNCH BREAK: Turducken Edition

Bracey Wright had 15 minutes 1 Reb 1 Ast 1 TO and 5 Pts in what will most likely be his last as a Timberwolf. Godspeed, Bracey, Godspeed… and get the hell out McFail.

The batting helmet of Dr. Mourneau. Courtesy of Aaron Gleeman

Brian Urlacher owns the most expensive hat ever.

I take back that dick thing I said yesterday. If a Ducks fan can call out Brad May for a sucker punch I have nothing but respect .

TNABCG tells Scott Neidermeyer to watch his back.

Matt Millen has gotten himself into another predicament. Contemplates life, draft pick and secretary's naughty bits.

Even ESPN employees don’t like watching their shows.

"Who are these people and why are they shouting at me?"

This just in: Football players smoke weed.

Gophers say goodbye to Erik Johnson

Congratulations Mark Buehrle. Sox still suck

Lunch Break: Confit de Canard

This guy has a point, but he's still a dick.

Bracey Wright's line for the last 4 games: 21 pts 55 min 9 reb 6ast 2 stl 3 TO - We found out we're not the only ones who appreciate Mr. Wright

Kissing Suzy Kolber discusses the Difference between Sanjaya malkawhaterver and Brady Quinn

Batgirl pokes fun at Carl Crawford using legos. Brilliant!!!

Sneaky, Koren, sneaky.

With moves like this the Rangers are guaranteed to win the Stanley cup.

Anthony Lapanta whispers, "but we're live" later discovers that the Cleveland play-by-play guy has potty mouth too.

Game 4 notes on the Wild and the ducks, and Boogaard will break your face.

Lunch break: Duck soup edition

I was searching the internets while waiting for the hockey game to start and I found too many things to keep to myself. Enjoy.

• Lil' Bow Wow ain't got shit on Lil' Romeo.
• Tim Duncan locates funny bone and is promptly punished.
• Greg Oden does what we knew he would do.
• The Dolphins finally figure out that Culpepper does indeed suck.
• Football Hurts.
• TNABACG has decided who we, as Wild fans, should hate... We agree.
• Shut up Elton, you just want to see our draft pick end up with the Clippers. Screw you playoff situation, we've got problems of our own.
• Why didn't this happen last week? Stupid Pavano

LUNCH BREAK: ham sandwich edition

While you eat your Ham Sandwich, contemplate stealing your children's candy and think about what Jesus has to do with a bunny we've compiled a few stories written by other people that we thought you should see.

• We've got a new writer... read his final post at his old blog.
  

• J.D. Durbin's dog is named HOSS... and he's the newest former Twin in Boston.

• Pacman Jones has time to work on a rap album. Expect a colaboration from Chris Henry.

• Best Gardenhire quote ever!

"We're getting back to the warm weather of the Metrodome, and we'll see how he progresses here," Gardenhire said. "I'm sure in the distant future we'll find out really quickly."

• Kevin Durant can pay you that five dollars he owes you soon.

• Sidney Ponson has been eating at the Guillen household.

• WILD PUCK BANTER tells you why the Wild will beat the Ducks this time around.

• Hennepin Co. and the Twins finally own the land they're building a stadium on