Some People's Kids: November 2007

Monday, November 26, 2007

Notes From the Foreskin

Sundays during football season are some of the best days of the year. These are days that men can usually take a "mental break" from the other things that may otherwise cloud their mind. Women, Jobs, Kids, Hemorrhoids, Women, etc...

I never really get to enjoy these "breaks" like I would like to because I usually work every Sunday during the day. This Sunday was an exception. I caught much of the noon games at a casino in Southern Iowa and caught most of the other action on a beautiful invention known as Sirius Satellite Radio. I took a couple things from this weekend(and Monday....and Thursday)....

We'll start with something that happened late Sunday night. Word came out late that Sean Taylor, safety for the Washington Redskins, was shot in his home in Florida. As I write this, Taylor is still in critical condition and the doctors are telling people to "pray for a miracle." Never a good thing. In the initial report, Taylor was awoken late Sunday when he heard noises downstairs. He got up and grabbed a machete that he keeps near his bed for protection. He was fired at twice, with one bullet connecting. Now, I don't know about you but I gotta respect a man who wields a machete for protection. Whether you like Sean Taylor or not, this is pretty sad news. Drafted out of "The U" in 2004, Taylor had become one of the NFL's premier talents and one of it's hardest hitters. Along with rookie Laron Landry, Taylor helped form the best safety tandem in the league. I won't lie and say that I've watched a great deal of his games, but from the games that I have seen, I've noticed that viewers are only a minute away from seeing a vicious, and yes, sometimes somewhat illegal hit that can bring people to their feet. He would hit you like you stole something... Literally. He was involved in a incident last year in which he was accused of pistol whipping a guy who was thought to have stolen Taylor's all-terrain vehicles.
Anyways, I hope for his sake, as well as his family's, that he makes it through this.

The Vikings game was odd in many ways. First was Tavaris Jackson tossing a 60 yard touchdown pass on the second play of the game. Yes, I said Tavaris Jackson. Second was Eli Manning throwing 4 interceptions to one of the worst pass defenses in the game. Third was that almost every pass the Vikings picked off they proceeded to bring back for a score of their own. The Vikings are the hardest team to figure out. Their play varies so much from week to week. One week they look like they can't do anything and the next week they are breaking all sorts of records. I really think this team is a quarterback away from being pretty damn good.

The rest of the league was screwed up as well. This was the week of the backup running back. Chester Taylor did his thing again, but he was also joined this week by a couple back ups and third string guys. Names like Andre Hall, Justin Fargas, Kolby Smith, and Adrian Peterson(no, not that one) combined to rush for about 440 yards and 5 touchdowns. If you haven't heard of these guys before, you aren't alone. Look for another no name to have a decent week t
his week. Cecil Sapp is the 5th string running back who might start for the Denver Broncos, who take on the Oakland Raiders and their horrid run defense.

Thanksgiving Day brought us a trio of boring games. The Cowboys and Packers both rolled to victories, setting up a Thursday night showdown this week that will probably determine home field advantage throughout the NFC playoffs. This is especially important considering that Green Bay in January is not fun weather to play in. Lets hope this game lives up to the hype that the Colts-Patriots game failed to.

Did anyone see that the Eagles were 24.5 point underdogs to the Patriots on Sunday night?? That is the biggest spread ever for an NFL game. I happened to not see it beforehand, but if I did, I would have put my left nut on the line that the Eagles would cover that spread. The Eagles are bad, but not even close to that bad. I'm sure they felt disrespected and overlooked and for that reason they gave the Pats the best game they will probably get all season. NO team deserves to be more than a 17 point underdog in any NFL game. Even the 0-11 Dolphins...

Speaking of the Dolphins. The Monday Night Game brought us another lovely matchup with the Steelers and the aforementioned winless Miami Dolphins. This is now the 4th straight horrible game that the folks at MNF have shown us. And you can't count the Pats scoring 56 points against a really over matched Bills team. This weeks game was the lowest scoring game in the NFL this year, as the Steelers won a WILD one 3-0. It was scoreless until the last 20 seconds. This wasn't your hard hitting defensive struggle 3-0 game that could be fun to watch. It was a sloppy mess of bad play and even worse play. One sequence stuck out from the game. The Dolphins were driving late in the 3rd quarter and lined up for a field goal. A delay of game penalty backed them up 5 yards. Now instead of taking another crack at a field goal which would have possibly put his winless team in position to finally win, Dolphins coach Cam Cameron decided to let his rookie quarterback, in his second start ever, try to convert a 4th and 11 when the team hadn't done anything right all night long. The ensuing play resulted in a breakdown by the line and a sack. Good call, bud. Thats why your team is 0-11. Almost as good a decision as drafting Ted Ginn Jr.

This week was another zany one in the NFL. I'm starting to think that the Patriots are the only sure thing and that anything goes for the rest of the league. Stay Tuned..

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Ladies and Gentlemen... Dave Chappelle

"You know what? I say a lot of racist jokes, and my mouth says a lot of racist things but my penis is a humanitarian."

I found this clip of some new Dave Chappelle stand up on and felt the need to share it with the world. I guess his crazy pills have kicked in and he's made his way from Africa to London. Hopefully he'll be touring the U.S. with some new material shortly because he is greatly missed.

P.S. Carlos Mencia sucks

Monday, November 12, 2007

This Right Here is Where The Season Broke Down...

...tore if you will. I keep on hearing that this isn't a bad ligament tear, but anytime I think about a running back's knee and the flexible fibrous tissue that holds it together not being 100% I can't help but think of the pain I've gotten from accidentally snapping a rubber band and imagined what it felt like for the band. What in the hell am supposed to watch with Purple Jesus sidelined? I'll give Chester one game to impress me and I swear to god if the start Purple Judas at Quarterback I'm turning it to "Meet the Press" and lord knows I want no part of that.

Oh Well, at least we didn't get shut out by the Packers for the first time in series history.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

If you don't mind

Iowa will be taking back the Floyd this season.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

No Wonder Steve Phillips Doesn't Have a Job Anymore..

Who is this broad? I haven't the slightest clue, but let me tell ya, it wouldn't be the worst mistake Steve Phillips has made. It is pretty bad, mind you, but even ugly chicks need love too. Cheer up, Steve... You can always turn off the lights.

Now, I watch Sportscenter quite a bit. Probably too much actually. In watching Sportscenter over the past couple years, I have seen numerous baseball segments involving "Expert" Steve Phillips, former GM of the New York Mets and current baseball analyst for ESPN. To date, I don't think that one of his predictions, or one bit of advice for other clubs has come to fruition. In trying to sift through the numerous World Series predictions gone wrong to all the brutal trade scenarios, I could never really recall a certain incident that stuck out in my mind though... until tonight.

Sportscenter was showing a story on the new manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers, Joe Torre. Afterwards, they tried to chronicle how the mediocre Dodgers could become contenders in the National League next year. Of course, they went to the Guru Phillips. In really breaking down the situation, Phillips went on to state that all the Dodgers needed to do was to target three positions. Third base, Centerfield, and improve Starting Pitching. Seems simple enough. Sounds like what 90% of baseball needs to do. Then, he went on to say that the Dodgers need to get either Miguel Cabrera or Alex Rodriguez to fill the 3rd base slot, Andrew Jones or Torii Hunter to fill Center field, and then trade for the best pitcher in baseball in Johan Santana to cure the starting pitching. That would make the Dodgers World Series contenders. Thanks Steve. How about we get a donkey, a goat, a 17 year old prostitute, and a one armed midget to go along with it..

This guy is an "Expert?!?" That was one of the stupidest things I have ever heard aired on live television. Even Kenny Mayne poked fun at his fellow colleague afterwards, saying, "That's Steve employing the unlimited payroll rule."

At first I am floored, but then after a quick search to find some out some other things about Mr. Phillips, the situation makes more sense to me. This is the same guy that has traded away the likes of AJ Burnett and Jason Isringhausen, and probably had something to do with the Victor Zambrano for Scott Kazmir trade to Tampa Bay. I also found out that he was trying to trade a couple "Single A" players for the likes of Jose Cruz Jr. and an over-the-hill Roberto Alomar. Those two "A" players? A couple of guys you might know. Jose Reyes and David Wright. This guy is an idiot and needs to removed from television, STAT. I don't really know what that means, but I think it means "fast." I don't know how he got the Mets GM job way back when, and frankly, I don't care, but what I do know now is why he doesn't have the job anymore.

ESPN does its best to annoy everyone watching by constantly beating stories into submission and concentrating about 80 % of their airtime on about 6 professional teams. I can handle all that. I've learned to deal with it. But please, get this clown off the screen.

I can't afford to get any dumber...

Sunday, November 4, 2007

This Kid Looks Hungry Too

...For Yards! Purple Jesus done done it again setting a record for most yards in a game with 296. Wanna know whose going to break that record? Adrian Peterson... Kid is a freaking rookie, he's got time to improve his game. Purple Jesus is crazy ridiculous. Nobody can touch him, and if they do he just knocks them over and keeps on going. Somebody should figure out how many yards he averages after first contact cause I'm willing to bet it better than a lot of starting running backs regular average per carry. Oh yeah, and his line did a great job. Especially that right side that gets so much flack, Ryan Cook and Anthony Herrera. I kind of think the key to the line was starting Herrera.

As for the rest of the team stuff went well. Tarvaris Jackson got injured again... If Adrian Peterson is Purple Jesus Tarvaris Jackson has to be Purple Judas. I know that early in the season I was pulling for Jackson and calling for Bollinger to be cut, but Jackson has proven nothing but the fact that he holds the ball too long, passes the ball too far away from the receivers and his bones are made of china. Bollinger hasn't done too much but he was 7/10 for 95 yards, 40 of which went to Sidney Rice for a TD.

The D-Line held LT to 40 yards. An amazing feat considering he is the best back in the league not wearing purple. Ray Edwards had a great game on the outside of the line. The secondary did a great job, too. Antonio Gates didn't exist, yet another amazing feat. The third amazing feat was that the secondary held their own with a combined 5 years of experience at corner. Cedric Griffin is a solid second year guy, Marcus McCauley is a rookie who has been targeted for much of the year and Charles Gordon got an interception.

The only thing I was not happy about was Chilli's field goal attempt at the end of the half. We had a tie game and were out of Longwell's range. That could have killed us. Last year that would have killed us. I still have no faith in Childress. Its just too easy to call a run play for number 28 and get an automatic first down. If Childress wants my vote of confidence he needs to show me something like a comeback win that takes an air attack.

I didn't think Peterson would have a better game than the one against the Bears this year, but I was pleasantly surprised. Hopefully we can do the same against the Pack next week.

P.S. we scored more than 24 points.

Friday, November 2, 2007

This Kid Looks Hungry

Lets feed him. Seriously.

I was searching the internets today after work when I came across With Leather's power rankings (I just wanted to see a picture of Scarlett Johanson) when I found their link to This is super cool... All you do is choose the best definition for the word and the UN (and the multinational corperations whose logos appear on the bottom of each screen) will donate 10 grains of rice towards world hunger. I got to vocab level 30 before I decided to share this with you and aside from the fact that the rice I won was probably big enough to give that little guy up there a malnourished baby sized portion of a meal some of the words started getting tough to define. Kids studying for the SATs, ACTs and maybe even the GRE could learn a thing or two while feeding the kids.

Since October 7th people playing the game have donated 589,305,670 grains of rice to those in need. Crazy. And its kind of fun.I need to start one of these where every time someone solves a math equation I get a penny. Maybe not math... people hate that shit.