Some People's Kids: August 2007

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Todd Lowber: We Hardly Knew Ye (And Other Vikings Movement)

Probably because Division III Basketball players have no place in the NFL. Cross your fingers for the scout team, buddy.

This move, coupled with a few other cuts and Tyler "Pigpen" Thigpen's move to the scout team opens up room for Kelly Holcomb to move in and "compete" for the back-up quarterback position. I have a feeling that it will be a lot safer having a 12 year veteran on the active roster than having a rookie who happens to be the first ever player drafted out of the Big South. Holcomb only cost the Vikings a 6th round pick in the 2009 draft and that pretty good for a back-up QB.

I have a feeling that Lowber has a better chance being paid by the Vikings than Bollinger come next season. An injury prone QB with a 2-7 lifetime record and a preseason passer rating of 30.4 is just not what an NFL team looks for in their most important position. He'll stay on the team for the year simply because the team gave up a draft pick for him and Thigpen isn't quite ready to sit on the big boy's bench. Next year Bolinger is either wearing a Chicago Rush jersey or a polo that reads University of North Dakota.

Man, this offense is gonna rock!

Thursday, August 23, 2007

JFK: The Music Video

He smelt like the future. His words felt like flowers.
(from Super Deluxe)

In Theaters Tomorrow…

There are many choices to be made this Friday (8/24) at your local popcorn vendor. There is the action flick dropping an FBI agent in between members of the Triad and Yakuza clans in order to root out an assassin. One film follows Mr. Bean along his trip to France and eventually to the Cannes film festival. Another is a crime film starring Spanish from OLD SCHOOL. There is a film that finally allows me to link a picture of ScarJo. Another about a newspaperman looking for his big break in the industry and stumbling upon a downtrodden former boxing champ. A historical piece about a bloody massacre performed by the Mormons that is generating a lot of controversy.

We’ll start with MR. BEAN’S HOLIDAY because it should be quick. If somehow you have managed to miss out on the whole Bean thing (and it has been a while) Rowan Atkinson plays the closest thing you’ll get to a silent film character with an extremely odd disposition. The original Bean film crushed the box office in England, but I’ve never really gotten the whole thing. The film takes place almost entirely on a train in France where Bean separates a famous director from his son and gains an actress for a love interest. Willem Dafoe is the only actor whose name I recognized when looking up info on the movie.

Franc Reyes brings ILLEGAL TENDER to the big screen. The director of EMPIRE teams up with John Singleton for a film about a family that has been on the run from a crime boss for years. Rick Gonzalez (Spanish) plays Wilson De Leon jr. who has finally learned why his father was killed and why the family is constantly moving. De Leon is a college student with a promising future but his fathers past catches up with him and forces him to go after the men that killed his father. This film probably should have been released on HBO or put directly on DVD, there is nothing special about it.

The most beautiful woman on earth finally graces the screen with her presence this year in THE NANNY DIARIES. Scarlett Johannson plays Annie Braddock, a student just out of college who goes to work as a nanny for a rich NYC family after her mother pressures her to find a job in the business world. She would rather become an anthropologist and so chooses to treat the family as a case study. Laura Linney and Paul Giamatti play Mr. And Mrs. X, Alicia Keys plays Annie’s friend and Chris Evans of FANTASTIC FOUR fame plays the love interest. This film sounds like something I thought Johannson was above but she may have just wanted to work with the writers and director of AMERICAN SPLENDOR.

Jason Statham and Jet Li face off in WAR. Statham plays an FBI agent by the name of Jack Crawford who is out to track down the assassin who has killed his partner and that man’s family. Li plays the assassin, Rogue, who resurfaces to start a bloody gang war between the two most infamous Chinese gangs. I don’t expect this film to have a great script in terms of plot or dialogue but if you have ever seen a Statham film (CRANK, anything he did with Guy Richie) or even pretend to comprehend how fantastic a Jet Li fight scene is that its probably worth at least a rent… not to mention that Luis Guzman plays comic relief in the film.

Originally I thought that RESSURECTING THE CHAMP was going to be just another film that missed its target but after reading a few reviews I think that it may be worth seeing. I’m not a big fan of Josh Hartnett and I didn’t like the voice that Samuel L. Jackson chose for his character but Duane Byrge quelled my worries. Hartnett plays a sports writer looking for his big break and Jackson plays a down on his luck former contender who was believed to be dead. The story explores the relationship between sports star and reporter, father and son and what happens when all of the fame is gone. Allen Alda, Peter Coyote and Rachel Nichols costar in the film.

SEPTEMBER DAWN is a fictional retelling of the Mountain Meadows Massacre, which has been generating buzz in the form of controversy for some time now. Mormons are angry at the film for the way Brigham Young is depicted, but there are others who are angered by the film as well. The tragedy took place in Utah in 1857 and left 140 settlers dead at the hands of the Mormon people. Placed into the middle of this is a love story about a Mormon and a woman from Arkansas on her way to California. John Voight and Dean Cain are cast in the film, but I don’t believe that they are the leads; also YOUNG GUNS director Christopher Cain directed this western project.

There is also a Mockumentary about closing on a house titled CLOSING ESCROW, which stars some of the Reno 911 cast and I wont be writing about but looks better than most of the crap for the week. Another film that only gets two sentences sentence is RIGHT AT YOUR DOOR, which is about the detonation of dirty bombs in Los Angeles. It may not be a good film but it stars Rory Cochrane who played Slater in DAZED AND CONFUSED, Lucus in EMPIRE RECORDS and Freck in A SCANNER DARKLY… awesome.


Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Just watch it

Nothing is really needed to set this video up, besides it's a must watch.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Eddie Griffin Dies In Crash

The former Timberwolves forward lost his life when his SUV collided with a freight train in Houston, Texas. Investigators say Griffin ignored railway warnings and went around barriers at around 1:30 am on Friday. His body and vehicle were so badly burnt that dental records were needed to identify the body. ESPN got a hold of his attorney, Derek S. Hollingsworth, who had this to say:

"I was able this afternoon to get some dental records from the one dentist he had gone to see in Houston, and they were able to use that apparently to positively identify him."
The New Jersey Nets' seventh pick out of Seton Hall in the 2001 draft spent 2 full season with the Wolves before being released after 13 games last season. Griffin also spent time with the Houston Rockets who acquired him on draft night from the Nets for 3 first round draft picks. Griffin was released after his second season by the Rockets after issues with substance abuse and being accused of firing a weapon at his then girlfriend. The Forward averaged 7.2 points, 5.8 rebounds,1.7 blocks and 22.2 minutes.

Watching Eddie play you got the sense that there was greatness locked away deep down inside. There were nights when he was on fire whether it be hitting multiple threes, cleaning up the glass or blocking any and everything that KG couldn't manage to put his hand on. It was nights like that that justified the extension given to him by McHale. His inner demons got the most of him and lead to the downfall of his basketball career. Alcoholism is a terrible disease that ruins so many lives. Judging by the night and the time of the incident I don't believe it would be without merit to assume that it may have played a part in his tragic demise although investigators have yet to determine if alcohol was involved. The Houston Chronicle interviewed John Lucas about the incident.

"Eddie is free now," said former Rockets guard and NBA coach John Lucas, who worked with Griffin in Lucas' Houston-based rehabilitation program. "Eddie was just a special basketball talent. He was doing well for periods. He would go up and down mentally and spiritually. But Eddie was a good person.

"I'm just sad, just so sad."

He may have been the butt of a joke or two over here at SPK, but our best goes out to the Griffin family. It is always a tragedy when a life is lost at such an early age.

Monday, August 20, 2007

All you have to do is catch a ball

Some days like today it is really obvious that catching footballs doesn't take the brightest human being. Dominique Douglas and Anthony Bowman, WR for Iowa, were suspended today by Coach Ferentz, after being arrested on Sunday for racking up over $2000 on a stolen credit card. To make it worse they stole hats and shoes. They play for a D-1 football program, don’t they get enough free stuff, and it’s not like they decided to buy a big TV or something actually cool with the stolen card.

For DD, a kid who was known as one of the best freshmen WR in the country last season, to buy hats and shoes with a stolen credit card is beyond dumb. He may not be in the same circumstances that one Pierre Pierce was in, but it has its similarities. He was set to make millions in the NFL in the near future, like Pierce in the NBA; all he had to do was make it through college with out being injured, or do something stupid. Then they both do something completely dumb and short sighted. Now he may struggle to get noticed, like Pierce who's trying to lobby is way in to the NBA probably as you read this.

If this all comes out to be true, which it seems like it easily could be I hope these two are far from the team. I know this will hurt the team but they don’t deserve the opportunity they just gave up. At least they’ll look cool all of there hats and shoes.

Well that's about all I have, now I'm going to go cross DD off the 2007 Iowa Football calender/poster my brother sent me today. It's a damn shame.

These guys might have a better take then me.

Press Citizen : Two Hawkeyes suspended indefinitely

The Hawkeye Compulsion : Things just got Real

EDSBS : Fulmer Cupdate :Iowa Shopping Trip Edition

Johan Santana Fans 17 Rangers

Viva El Presidente! 17 strikeouts? Like Dick said, Mr. Santana is now the proud owner of the most strikeouts in club history... and he's probably going to hold on to that for, oh I don't know... forever.

If it weren't for Cuddy's home run in the second this gem of a game could have gone down the crapper like so many good starts from this pitching staff. They may not all be as thrilling as Santana's win yesterday but Boof, Silva and especially Garza have all felt the wrath of Ryan's inability to open up his wallet.

Terry Ryan should have thrown a huge contract right in front of his locker after the game ended. Obviously he is the best pitcher in baseball and he will be for quite some time. They may be all but mathematically eliminated from the playoffs this year but seeing Santana do this sort of thing still makes me smile.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

The Sharkman Is Crazy Stupid!

This is Michael Rutzen and the above statement is to be taken literally. Rutzen is crazy and stupid. This video does him absolutely no justice... and he is swimming with reef sharks using only medieval technology as protection. Wanna know why? His goal is to do what you are watching, he calls it tonic immobility, but with Great Whites.

Rutzen lives in Gansbaai, South Africa which is the capitol of the world. Coincidently its also the breeding grounds for the jackass penguin... I kid you not. Jackass Rutzen didn't even have the chain maille prior to meeting up with someone who could actually perform tonic immobility.

I'm so glad my cousin has On Demand. I missed Shark Week on Discovery and never would have seen "Shark Man" had I not been in Chicago this week. I highly suggest stopping by the Discovery channel every half hour or so until you find the special in rerun. I still have to look for it because I only got half way through, the most I saw him do with great whites besides offer his arm as a snack was hitch a ride on one's fin.

In Theaters Tomorrow…

I didn’t realize there were 5 films coming out this week (8/17) because I’ve had my SUPERBAD blinders on. Besides the film co-penned by Seth Rogan and produced by Judd Apatow there is actually a solid crop of films. Even the documentary sounds cool – KING OF KONG: A FISTFULL OF QUARTERS. Nicole Kidman and James Bond, I mean Daniel Craig, star in a Sci-Fi drama about aliens called THE INVASION. DEATH AT A FUNERAL is the English submission this week. Colin Firth and Ben Kingsley hit the screen as the Roman Empire crumbles in THE LAST LEGION. I guess I’ll start with the ones that are going to be harder to find in theaters.

As you may have deduced from the title KING OF KONG is all about the quest to become the worldwide points leader in Donkey Kong. Apparently the director, Seth Gordon, put together one hell of a film because Columbia Pictures scooped him up and set him up with the producers from LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE for his feature debut. ONLY LIVING BOY IN NEW YORK. Rolling stone had this to say about the film-

Who would have guessed that a documentary about gamers obsessed with scoring a world record at Donkey Kong would not only be roaringly funny but serve as a metaphor for the decline of Western civilization?
When a documentary makes it to the big screen it deserves to be seen… people in Hollywood are way more willing to throw money at a shitty feature than a decent documentary. Plus Donkey Kong was the baddest gorilla I ever did meet.

DEATH AT A FUNERAL is a dark screwball comedy about a dysfunctional family gathering for a funeral. The story mainly revolves around Daniel who must deal with his famous novelist brother, doubts about his marriage, a cousin who’s normally straight laced fiancĂ© has accidentally ingested a “designer drug” and a blackmailer who threatens to divulge a dark family secret. Guess who the director is. Seriously, guess. Ok, give up cause you’re never going to get it. Its Frank Oz… better know for his mad muppeting skillz and as the voice of Yoda. Peter Dinklage is the only member of the cast that I recognize; he is the greatest midget actor since that dude from WILLOW.

THE INVASION is a remake of INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS and will either be really good or really bad. Nicole Kidman plays a psychiatrist who is the only person cognizant of the fact that there are freaking aliens about (!). To top it all off, her son may be the key to mankind’s salvation. The reason that I have no clue about whether this film will be bad or good is because the director’s chair had to be re-silk screened more than once. Oliver Hirschbiegel put together the rough cut, but Joel Siegel needed more action and enlisted the help of the Wachowski Bros. And when they took off to start SPEED RACER James McTeigue (AKA mini Wach) took over. Dollar says Daniel Craig and Kidman kiss in the film.

THE LAST LEGION is the one film I have no desire to see. In fact, the only thing related to the film that I have a desire to see is Aishwarya Rai. The film is set in 476 AD. As Romulus Augustus is about to become emperor. A Barbarian general and a senator make a deal to kill the 12 year-old Romulus’ father and kidnap the boy. Some dude by the name of Aurelius (where have I heard that name before?) comes to the child’s rescue. The Byzantine empire will give sanctuary to the boy if Aurelius can get him back, so after rounding up some troops and a tagalong Byzantine warrior Mira (hottie Rai) they go after the boy. The group is double-crossed and must find the last legion- Britannia. Did you understand all of that? Me either.

SUPERBAD is going to be the super baddest film of the summer… I think it’s generated as much buzz as TRANSFORMERS. Seth Rogan wrote this thing with an old friend of his when they were 13! The film is about 2 best friends and outcasts as they attempt to purchase booze on the last day of school in an attempt to get into the cool kid’s party. Michael Cera of “Arrested Development” fame plays Evan. Second fiddle is played by Jonah Hill (ACCEPTED, GRANDMA’S BOY, as well as anything Apatow). Christopher Mintz-Plasse makes his big screen debut as McLovin- from what I gather this is the breakout performance of the year. I’d love to show you pictures of Emma Stone, Martha MacIsaac and Aviva (mostly Stone) but they are damn near impossible to come across. Instead I give you interviews from JoBlo and the redband trailer (R rated)

SUPERBAD takes spots 1 through 5 in the Box office.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

I bet you didn't know

Are you sitting down? I have some huge news for the few readers we do have. I am sure that the following may come as a huge surprise. At least two of the writers on this site are huge Iowa Hawkeye fans. Yeah, I fucking said it. Go Hawks bitches. Don't be surprised by the previous statements, I did write about the Hawks a few times in the early history of SPK.

There are many reasons for a kid who has primarily grown up in Minnesota to be a Hawkeye fan. The following few attempt to explain that. I lived in Iowa City from when I was 9 months to about 8 years old. Both of my parents went school and worked at the University Of Iowa and I have a few friends from back then and tons of family who have attended Iowa (all passionate fans). When I was 8 we moved to Minnesota and you would think my allegiance would shift there. Absolutely not. I have lived in MN since about 3rd grade and have had no reason to become any sort of Gopher fan. Any school whose Football team takes a backseat to their Hockey won't bring about great things. I could have easily switched my "teams" while living in MN but there wasn't anyone I knew who showed any passion for gopher football.

The entire state of Iowa views the Hawks as a type of religion. Every Saturday in the fall the state converges on Iowa City. There is no such thing as a traffic jam in Iowa unless you're trying to get to the game. The place is like a carnival on game day; you've got tail gaiting everywhere, concerts being thrown on top of a bus that serves as a GIANT KEG and la piece de resistance, Big-Ass turkey legs. There is a dude who stands in front of his huge grill screaming, "Big-Ass turkey legs, I got your Big-Ass turkey legs hmear!" This is a site to behold. Hell, Muck and I got served as minors for the first time after a Hawks game. Compare those festivities to what goes on before a Gopher's football game.

To be honest, I can't remember any of my friends ever saying they went to games. My family has always been extremely passionate about Iowa Football. From when I can remember, the argument about who was better (Iowa state/ Iowa), with my grandpa has always been alive, and the Hawks always won.

The reason there has been such a layoff of the Iowa football subject is due to the poor end of the last season (minus the bowl game loss). The Ohio State game on was tough on any Iowa fan, and I have decided to completely move on from last year and only remember the Bowl game against Texas, which was a positive step in the right direction.

Over the past 8-10 months I have been looking for a blog on Iowa Football. One would think that this task would be simple; before those 8-10 months I would have tended to agree. Shit, Iowa has a very large fan base, and travel's well. All I was asking for was a blog, how hard was that. I guess it was hard, until yesterday (well maybe a few weeks ago, but I found it yesterday), when I found The Hawkeye Compulsion. This site is exactly what I was looking for; actually I don't think I could have described a better one, but I would like to thank dmbmeg, for showing it to me.

Well, anyway there are approximately 423 hours till kick off at solider field, which I will be unable to attend, I am going to the home opener though. I hope that the Iowa fans out there are willing to listen to what I have to say about this season, because this is only the beginning. More to come later, that was just me explaining myself, there will be much more coherent thought coming in the future.

I have two video's to leave you with and both great, one comes from The Hawkeye Compulsion and the other from my cousin.

Andy Brodell, I can't wait


Marques Colston know how to catch a football

I saw this on the Fanhouse and had to share it with the rest of you. Did you notice that there was only one take? Thats real skill, and he didn't even need red contacts to see the thing coming! Someone refresh my memory, who did we pick while he was still on the board? Greg Blue and Ray Edwards... I could live without Blue. I think Edwards was a solid pick, though.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

The Vikings: Guilty of Hypocrisy... again

The other day the Vikes signed signed DT Fred Evans to a 2-year contract. Evans was selected by the Dolphins from Texas State- San Marcos in the second round of the 2006 draft. As has been the case lately the Vikings picked up a player who has recorded exactly two tackles in his career and played in only one game in the NFL.

Lets look at the list of players signed by the Vikings since their last regular season game: 1. Todd Lowber the Division 2 standout in Basketball and Track 2. Vinny Ciurciu special teams specialist! 3. Visanthe Shaincoe, career backup 4. Drew freaking Henson- enough said 5. Cortez Hankton, 5 years and 34 catches 6. Mike Doss is going to make an impact but the man came to camp with some outstanding legal issues. I'm going to leave Bobby Wade off of this list even though he is fairly inexperienced because he is actually going to have a positive impact on this team.

Oh yeah... I may have forgotten to mention that Evans has to go to court on Thursday. No big deal. He just assaulted an officer, resisted arrest and was trespassing. From what I gather Freddy Felony passed out in the back of a taxi and couldn't be awoken so the police were called. When the cops finally got our new Tackle out of the car he was none too happy about the situation and felt the need assault the officer and attempt to flee the scene. If you've ever tried to flee a scene after waking from a drunken stupor you know it fairly difficult and Evans was tasered for his troubles.

If the Vikings think that that Culture of accountability is going to work with signings like Evans they are badly mistaken. Think Cedric Griffin will take Freddy Felony and Mike Doss to SPIN one night? That would be fun.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Too many MCs not enough Mics

I know that Baseball is in full swing and we are now just getting to the entertaining part of NFL training camp but I just can't get over the Timberwolves. I'm probably the last person that should be trying to figure out the roster for next year, but this team has way too many players that play the same position (2 &3) and too many players in general. I'm going to try to go through the roster, make some hypothetical trades, balance veterans and newbies and get this team down to the 12 active players allowed by the NBA. This is going to be hard and I know the post is going to be long, but bear with me.

The easiest problem to solve is Chris Richards. The teams second round draft pick out of Florida is going to have to spend at least one year in the NBDL. Hopefully while there he will be turned into more of a center and will only have to wait until Theo Ratliff's big contract is up or he goes down for the season. Whichever comes first.

Theo Ratliff is going to spend the season as the backup center. Mark Blount will probably be the starter. I really don't care who starts, but I like the idea of this tandem. They are Yin and Yang. Blount is finesse and can come in when the team is down and in need of some points. Ratliff can come in when the D needs to keep the lead. He's gritty, a rebounder and a shot blocker. Granted I don't believe that he'll be 100% but if he is good enough to play he can bring the D that this team has been lacking. Between Ratliff and Jefferson they can equal or do better than one defensive KG not to mention the other power forwards I'll be keeping on this roster.

Al Jefferson is a no-brainer. McFail and Taylor better get a contract extension in front of him and soon, if not they had better find a spot in the witness protection program because every basketball-loving bastard in the state is going to be out for blood. You don't give up KG and let the best piece of the puzzle get away. He stays.

The backup to Jefferson is going to be Juwan Howard. I know he is old balls like Robert Horry, but I want him on the team to help Jefferson and Craig Smith and/or Ryan Gomes. He'll be a great teacher for the young guys and hopefully he'll have a calming demeanor and interject some veteran presence when it’s needed.

My major problem with this roster is that 5th big man. I want to see Smith and Gomes battle it out in training camp for the final spot, but I feel like I'm going to pair one of their cheaper salaries and upside with Marko Jaric or Mark Madsen in order to get a team to bite on a trade. Wikipedia claims that 6 of the 16 players currently on the roster are Power Forwards. We've already sent Richards to the NBDL and given 2 spots on the roster other 4s, plus Howard can play center when necessary. The two vying for my last spot are the same height and while Gomes had a better average over the season Smith averaged 21 pts and 10 rebs when he started the last 5 games. It comes down to intangibles when they are only going to be allotted so many minutes. I think I'll go with Smith seeing as he and Foye have meshed while Jefferson and Gomes share the same position and there won't be that same kind of connection on the court.

The ESPN Trade machine says that there are trade restrictions on all of the Boston players and Juwan, so I've decided to have Smith and Gomes duke it out in camp. If Smith loses he gets bunched with one of the players I'll try to trade. If Gomes loses I'll deal him for a draft pick and some cash if I can get it.

We're going to skip the Shooting guard and small forward for the moment because those positions are the others that give me problems.

As for Point Guard I'm going to stick with Randy Foye as the starter even though it's not his natural position. This hurts me, but there are so many interchangeable parts in the 2/3 positions and I see football players change positions when they are drafted all the time. Sebastian Telfair is going to stick around as my backup PG as long as he can keep his guns locked up in a cabinet somewhere far away from the team.

Now I've got 5 spots left and two positions to fill. Starting shooting guard is going to be Ricky Davis for the time being. I'd like to trade him later down the road because of the prima donna ways and what I've read about possible bad blood between him and Jefferson. His backup is going to be Rashad McCants. I want Shaddy's minutes to expand, but I want his micro fracture surgery fully healed. Plus I still feel like he's got some learning to do after all of that missed time.

I think I'd like to keep my 3 shooting forwards on the team. I feel like they've all got something to bring to the table. I have a good feeling about Gerald Green… not just because he is so young or because he won the Slam Dunk competition. Green had to sit behind Paul Pierce and Wally Szczerbiak. He'll be my scoring SF. Trenton Hassell will be my veteran presence. I love Trenton so I'm going to keep him around but he is going to be trade bait in a year. His job is to teach Corey Brewer everything he has learned about defense. Brewer is going to get the fewest minutes of the bunch, with Green and Hassell switching in and out in a similar fashion to our Center position; Green to get the lead, Trenton to keep it.

That leaves 3 men out not including our NBDL bound friend Mr. Richards: Marko Jaric, Mark Madson and most likely Gomes. Gomes is easy to get rid of, but like I said before I may have to part with Smith in order to rid myself of Mark and O. I heard a rumor that Detroit wanted Marko Jaric for Nazr Mouhammed, which I'm totally down with, and Madson and Smith for Lindsay Hunter worked, so I'd like to work out a deal with Detroit. If we got Hunter in here he could spend his final contract year teaching Foye how to play point and Bassy how to stop pointing guns.

I know I just spent far too much time rambling but I've come up with a team. Gomes gets traded for a pick. Mad dog and Smith end up in Detroit. (I know. I hate that I got rid of two young players, but being a GM is hard and you can't please everybody.) Three deep at PG Foye starts, Bassy plays second fiddle and Hunter teaches. Starting shooting guard is Ricky Buckets with McCants backing up. Marko Jaric clings to the end of the bench waiting for someone to injure himself while Jaric tells himself that he can play 1-3. The crowd sits and laughs knowing that he can't even properly shave the stubble off of his face. Small Forward is taught and started by Hassell with Mr. Green as our 6th or 7th man and Brewer slowly adapting to the higher level of play. Al Jefferson Starts at Power Forward backed up by Juwan Howard. Mark Blount Starts at Center and Theo Ratliff backs him up. If a smaller lineup is needed or one of the center/ Forwards gets hurt Brewer or Hassell can slide to the PF for a minute or two.

I know that's 13, but someone is going to get injured during camp and as soon as they get better someone else will get injured. This is basketball people! There are always injuries. That leaves us with Lindsay Hunter, Theo Ratliff and Ricky Buckets in their final years. Same goes for Foye, Green, Jefferson, McCants and Telfair but some if not all will be resigned using. The veteran contracts add up to almost 21 million to add to the 15.8 million worth of yummy cap space that we have already got stock piled and the almost 4 million in trade exceptions (Which I tried to fully understand). That 37 million is enough to handsomely reward Foye and Jefferson and still go after another big name. Right?

Written by the Muck-up (photo from I heart KG)

Thursday, August 9, 2007

In Theaters Tomorrow…

There are 4 films coming out this week (8/10) and none of them scream, ”Come see me now!” The first and shittiest of the films coming out is DADDY DAY CAMP… a sequel so horrible that they couldn’t even convince Eddie Murphy to come back. STARDUST looks like a generic rip-off of the latest fantasy films with a head scratchingly good cast. SKINWALKERS deals with one of my favorite subjects… Werewolves! The film that will do the best this weekend is RUSH HOUR 3 if you don’t already know a bit about this film welcome back to the conscious world, I hope the atrophy isn’t too bad in your muscles.

DADDY DAY CAMP is the epitome of what is wrong with Hollywood. When a bad movie is made it should not be given another chance. Then, a sequel should never be green lit when the star doesn’t want to come back. Eddie Murphy has made some bad films in his day and DADDY DAY CARE is among them… if he sees the script and is unwilling to cash in the movie must be horrible. The producers got Cuba Gooding Jr. to take over for Murphy. Remember that time that Gooding won an Oscar? Man… those days are long gone. The other strange thing about this horrible excuse for a film is that the director is one Mr. Fred Savage. Yeah, the kid from “ The Wonder Years.” Weird.

STARDUST also looks like junk. Like a number of fantasy films this has both a magical and non-magical world. Our hero ventures into the magical world to capture a newly fallen star (Claire Danes) in order to impress the object of his affection (Sienna Miller). Our hero is not the only one attempting to capture the star. Peter O’Toole plays a lord on his deathbed. In order to claim his thrown his living 3 sons and the ghosts of his 4 dead ones must possess the very same star. There is also the evil witch, played by Michelle Pfeiffer, seeking the star to make her young again, and a pirate by the name of Captain Shakespeare (Robert De Niro) who seeks it for his own purposes. I have no clue how this cast got attached to this film. Ian McKellen is the freaking narrator! I have not seen one preview that made is seem anything other than vanilla and generic. I’m sure I’ll rent it just to see if anybody had a stellar performance.

SKINWALKERS looks very interesting, but I’m a sucker for anything with Werewolves or Vampires. This particular film pits two groups of Werewolves against each other in a quest to seek out a prophetic 13 year-old boy. I guess its cool when Werewolves want to protect you, but it’s defiantly not cool when another group of werewolves wants to bite your face off. The kid is like a werewolf version of Jesus and he can stop the bloodlust that reins their kind, but some don’t want that to happen. They fight a civil war as the boy approaches his transformation. Will he die for the sins of his brethren? Bum, bum, bum!!!

I should probably tell you this right now; I won’t be seeing any of these films in theaters. I’m probably going to rent RUSH HOUR 3 when it comes out, but I don’t feel the need to see it on the big screen. Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan head to Paris in this installment of the series. This time they get mixed up with some Chinese Triads who are trying to blah, blah black joke, blah blah asian joke, blah blah fight scene. Look, I don’t know what happens in the film. I do know that Roman Polanski has a tiny role, Vinnie Jones does too, Noemie Lenior is a hottie and that Sun Ming Ming finally found a job that he is better suited for than basketball. P.S. I don’t think Brett Ratner is a big enough director to put his name in the trailer.

Box Office should look like this: 1. BOURNE ULTAMATUM 2. RUSH HOUR 3 3. SIMPSONS MOVIE 4. STARDUST (on star power) 5. UNDERDOG

* Update* I think I may have changed my mind about STARDUST. It seems that the novel was written my a Minnesota native by the name of Neil Gaiman. He sold his rights to a studio, but got them back after it sat on the shelf. Somehow I overlooked the fact that the producer of LOCK STOCK and SNATCH and director of LAYER CAKE signed on to direct the pic. What all of this amounts to is a very big budget independent film that got financial backing from a studio, but only after the cast was set and creative control was established. I think I'd spend some cash on this if I didn't have a packed weekend already.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Congratulations Mike Bacsik!

You've just become immortalized as the answer to a Trivial Pursuit question that I'll never get correct.

Barry Bonds has hit his record breaking 756th home run and now stands atop the record books. I think he was cheating... I bet that bat was corked. I couldn't find a video of it on YouTube so here is a link to the Evil Empire if you want to see the monstrous swing.

As we all expected Bud Selig was not around to celebrate the achievement. Whether or not the man was on steroids I think the Commish should have been there to acknowledge the moment in time. This innocent until proven guilty thing should stand in sports as well as courts. I've seen his stats, hat size and rookie card and yes it all looks bad but people need to be given the benefit of the doubt.

Plus A-Rod is going to kill that record in a few years unless he gets caught with another boo-a-licious stripper and his wife kills him. Even if A-Rod doesn't it will be Ryan Howard, Prince Fielder or someone else who came out of the minors at an early age and began swinging for the fences immediately.
At least ESPN won't have to cut into another exciting installment of "Who's Now" every time Bonds comes to the plate.

Sunday, August 5, 2007

The Jimmy Kimmel show hates Matt Damon

After years of bumping Damon from his show Kimmel has taken it one step further. Kimmel has replaced Damon with his parking lot attendant in the recently released BOURNE ULTIMATUM. Funny stuff. Check here to see how this feud started and here for more with Guillermo involved.

Saturday, August 4, 2007

Regina Spektor - That Time

This is Regina Spektor. She's super awesome and this song just made the all-time rotation for being wacky and up tempo. She didn't make this video, but she makes equally awesome videos and speaks fluent Russian. I used to live by some Russians... one of them stole my bike and the other owns the first set of boobs I ever saw. They were awesome too.

(Video by Pizzicotta)

Thursday, August 2, 2007

In Theaters Tomorrow…

There are a seven movies coming out this week (Aug. 3rd) and one is only in New York and L.A.)But I only really want to talk about 3 of them. They are making a BRATZ movie… that will be the only mention of the film and the doll franchise that is turning America’s youth into 12 year-old whores. J-Lo and her husband made a film about some dude who made salsa popular in the U.S. called EL CANTANTE. That will be the last time I mention a biopic made about a dude I don’t know by a chick who is full of herself. UNDERDOG is voiced by Jason Lee and I remember watching the show at my grandma’s when I was little but citing the atrocities that were FAT ALBERT and INSPECTOR GADGET I will not be going into detail. Anne Hathaway stars in BECOMING JANE, about Jane Austin, and I’ve read good reviews but I won’t be seeing this unless forced to by a lovely lady. Odds are I won’t be seeing this.

THE TEN is only being released in New York and Los Angeles but it’s a shame that this film gets two cities while those other briefly mentioned films get to fill up theaters across the country. It is this type of decision that makes me cringe and wonder how studio executives ever got to where they are. The film was written and directed by David Wain from “Stella” and “The State”, Wain also wrote WET HOT AMERICAN SUMMER. The film has ten loosely connected stories about each of the 10 commandments. Paul Rudd plays the morally lenient narrator who is the connection between the vignettes. Starring in the film is SPK favorite Jessica Alba, Famke Janssen (X-MEN), Rob Corddry (Daily Show), Adam Brody (O.C.), Kerri Kenney (Reno 911), Winona Rider and Oliver Platt. This is a film that takes chances (vignettes), pokes fun at religion and its got that certain kind of humor that’s hard to find.

SNL flavor of the week Andy Samberg is hitting the big screen for the first time with HOT ROD. For those you who have not watched the show in a while Samberg is the dude spending most of his time spoofing music (Dick in a Box and Lazy Sunday) and making SNL digital shorts. The film is about a loser who decides to impress his stepfather and save his life by becoming a stunt man and jumping 15 busses. This film looks stupid, but in a BILLY MADISON kind of way. From what I’ve read Jorma Taccone is a scene-stealer. Others in the film include Ian McShane (Swearengger in “Deadwood”) as the stepfather, Will Arnett, Chris Parnell and Isla Fisher from WEDDING CRASHERS as Samberg’s love interest. Here is a pretty funny interview from the cast.

Matt Damon is back as Jason Bourne in what is supposed to be the third and final film THE BOURN ULTAMATUM. Now that Bourne is aware of who he is and how he is connected to the American government he is tying up loose ends left behind by the “Treadstone Project.” Bourne is finally taking the fight to the U.S. and the film is gonna be CrazyGoNutz. I love the use of handheld cameras to give it that shaky, in the action feel and the super fast editing that we’ve become accustomed to. On top of all of this I feel like the action has been ramped up for the latest film. Joan Allen, Julia Stiles and Tom Gallop are back and Albert Finney and Edgar Ramirez who plays Bourne’s nemesis will join the cast. I got a nickel says Nicky and Bourne hook up. This is the film to see this week.


Terry Ryan was Right!... The Solution WAS from Within

Little did we know...

We all thought Terry Ryan was nuttier than squirrel turds. We thought that the Twins needed to make a deal before the deadline to try and win the division. All we had to do was look in our own backyard. All we had to do was go to 600 First Avenue. The Secret Weapon? The Ticket...

It only took a moment for the Boston Red Sox to capitalize on Minnesota's mistake. Funny, this sounds like an all too familiar story. Oh yeah, that Papi guy. Yeah, he turned out to be ok. The Boston Globe is reporting today that Kevin Garnett will take over Julian Taveras' rotation spot and become the Red Sox' fifth starter. If the Red Sox didn't have the best rotation in major league baseball before this, its a no-doubter now. Coupled with Josh Beckett, Daisuke Matsuzaka, Curt Shilling, and feel good story Jon Lester, the Red Sox rotation now sports the fire power to win in October. Nomah Yastrzemski, a Red Sox fan since birth, had this to say after word of the news had spread, "Ya kno, now with the Gaarnett in the rotation, I don't think the Sox will give up another run all yeeh, not even to Steinbrennah and the damn Evil Empirah." While Garnett has never actually pitched before, he has watched many games on TV and a recent radar gun clocked him at 96. He hopes to get one minor league start at Pawtucket before joining the parent club for next week's series. He got his official welcoming at last night's game versus the Baltimore Orioles. Kevin threw out the first pitch in front of the sellout crowd. With the whole crowd waiting with baited breath, wondering if everything they have heard will be true, Kevin stepped up and threw the much-ballyhooed GyroBall for a resounding strike. Boston fans responded like they had seen the second coming of Christ walk through the turnstiles at Fenway Park.

Maybe if those in the Twins organization had reached out to Kevin the way the Red Sox have already done, he might have been "cool" staying here for some more rebuilding. We could have effectively killed two birds with one stone. We could have improved a very mediocre Twins rotation as well as giving Timberwolves' fans a reason to keep coming to Target Center. It also would have kept Johan Santana happy because apparently he's not down with rebuilding either. But alas, they couldn't see the talent that was right in front of their eyes.

Now, Kevin will have the opportunity to lead his two teams to the pinnacle of their respective sports, and I would obviously have to check with Tim Kurkjian, but I think it would be the first time that anyone has pitched in game 7 of the World Series and hoisted the Larry O'Brien Trophy on a Sunday in a non leap year with the Summer Olympics a year away. For the Red Sox, the Rich get richer. Getting Eric Gagne and KG in the same two day span, has to be a boon for Red Sox nation. For the Twins, its another missed opportunity to add to many others. I guess it's wait till next year after all. Thanks Terry. You're killing me smalls.

Fearless Fantasy Forecast: 7 Wins, 100 strikeouts, 15 walks, 2.64 ERA, 0.89 Whip

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Read A Book

So I was flipping through the channels this morning and came across this on BET. I just about shat myself laughing and thought I should help spread the message. Read a Mutha F@^%ing Book!

I Want 10 Million to Not Play Basketball

Obviously T-Hud took my advice and accepted the buyout from the Timberwolves. He'll probably end up as a Celtic since they'll be needing a backup point guard and he a Garnett are good friends. I bet Danny Ainge won't offer Hudson 30 million dollars. I bet the Celtics get him for 1-2 million per season and I'm sure that will be fine considering he already has about 10 million bones in his back pocket and will be joining a newly made elite eastern division team.

He should not, however, take the second part of my advice. It seems that hip hop aficionados are not exactly feeling Undrafted. Even if Hudson can make a dollar off of each CD sold, which would be a deal only the Kevin McHale of the recording industry would make, he would still only pull in about 78 bucks a week. I guess that Carbondale won't become the new rap capitol of the world anytime soon. Below is an Excerpt from his Myspace page-

An avid music writer, Troy also has written over two thousand original songs in his music career. In 2004, Troy formed NuttyBoyz Entertainment Group, which has evolved into Troy E. Hudson Enterprises, with Troy at the helm as Chief Executive Officer. Featuring a full range of music labels and production capabilities, Hudson Records and NuttyBoyz Records began actively recording and publishing music in 2005 at his newly built Hudson Studios, a private set of state-of-the-art music studios located in North Minneapolis.
It also says that he is "an outstanding guard known for his quickness, Solid defense and accurate shooting" - that is not the back-up's back-up that I know. On the plus side you could win a $50,000 chain through the myspace page. Seeing as the album was suck a big seller in its first week I'm guessing you odds are way better trying to win the chain than they are with a scratch off worth the same.

Man is he lucky that he got this whole not playing basketball career to fall back on.