Some People's Kids: In Theaters Tomorrow…

Thursday, August 9, 2007

In Theaters Tomorrow…

There are 4 films coming out this week (8/10) and none of them scream, ”Come see me now!” The first and shittiest of the films coming out is DADDY DAY CAMP… a sequel so horrible that they couldn’t even convince Eddie Murphy to come back. STARDUST looks like a generic rip-off of the latest fantasy films with a head scratchingly good cast. SKINWALKERS deals with one of my favorite subjects… Werewolves! The film that will do the best this weekend is RUSH HOUR 3 if you don’t already know a bit about this film welcome back to the conscious world, I hope the atrophy isn’t too bad in your muscles.

DADDY DAY CAMP is the epitome of what is wrong with Hollywood. When a bad movie is made it should not be given another chance. Then, a sequel should never be green lit when the star doesn’t want to come back. Eddie Murphy has made some bad films in his day and DADDY DAY CARE is among them… if he sees the script and is unwilling to cash in the movie must be horrible. The producers got Cuba Gooding Jr. to take over for Murphy. Remember that time that Gooding won an Oscar? Man… those days are long gone. The other strange thing about this horrible excuse for a film is that the director is one Mr. Fred Savage. Yeah, the kid from “ The Wonder Years.” Weird.

STARDUST also looks like junk. Like a number of fantasy films this has both a magical and non-magical world. Our hero ventures into the magical world to capture a newly fallen star (Claire Danes) in order to impress the object of his affection (Sienna Miller). Our hero is not the only one attempting to capture the star. Peter O’Toole plays a lord on his deathbed. In order to claim his thrown his living 3 sons and the ghosts of his 4 dead ones must possess the very same star. There is also the evil witch, played by Michelle Pfeiffer, seeking the star to make her young again, and a pirate by the name of Captain Shakespeare (Robert De Niro) who seeks it for his own purposes. I have no clue how this cast got attached to this film. Ian McKellen is the freaking narrator! I have not seen one preview that made is seem anything other than vanilla and generic. I’m sure I’ll rent it just to see if anybody had a stellar performance.

SKINWALKERS looks very interesting, but I’m a sucker for anything with Werewolves or Vampires. This particular film pits two groups of Werewolves against each other in a quest to seek out a prophetic 13 year-old boy. I guess its cool when Werewolves want to protect you, but it’s defiantly not cool when another group of werewolves wants to bite your face off. The kid is like a werewolf version of Jesus and he can stop the bloodlust that reins their kind, but some don’t want that to happen. They fight a civil war as the boy approaches his transformation. Will he die for the sins of his brethren? Bum, bum, bum!!!

I should probably tell you this right now; I won’t be seeing any of these films in theaters. I’m probably going to rent RUSH HOUR 3 when it comes out, but I don’t feel the need to see it on the big screen. Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan head to Paris in this installment of the series. This time they get mixed up with some Chinese Triads who are trying to blah, blah black joke, blah blah asian joke, blah blah fight scene. Look, I don’t know what happens in the film. I do know that Roman Polanski has a tiny role, Vinnie Jones does too, Noemie Lenior is a hottie and that Sun Ming Ming finally found a job that he is better suited for than basketball. P.S. I don’t think Brett Ratner is a big enough director to put his name in the trailer.

Box Office should look like this: 1. BOURNE ULTAMATUM 2. RUSH HOUR 3 3. SIMPSONS MOVIE 4. STARDUST (on star power) 5. UNDERDOG

* Update* I think I may have changed my mind about STARDUST. It seems that the novel was written my a Minnesota native by the name of Neil Gaiman. He sold his rights to a studio, but got them back after it sat on the shelf. Somehow I overlooked the fact that the producer of LOCK STOCK and SNATCH and director of LAYER CAKE signed on to direct the pic. What all of this amounts to is a very big budget independent film that got financial backing from a studio, but only after the cast was set and creative control was established. I think I'd spend some cash on this if I didn't have a packed weekend already.

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