Some People's Kids: Mr. Belding sends Nu-Ball to detention

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Mr. Belding sends Nu-Ball to detention

Last night the Warriors were booted out of the playoffs by the Jazz. Tonight the Suns will most likely lose home court advantage that they gained in the previous game because David Stern has no balls. True to form, the second I make a statement and/or observation about a sport I am slapped in the face with reality. Honestly… go look at the wild live blogs, we lost every single game I wrote about and then lost the playoff series when I started calling the guy from The Battle of California a dick.

The Warriors game me hope for an exciting second season. Baron Davis’ beard could cross you over all by itself, Steven Jackson needed only his pointer and thumb to send shivers down the spines of his opponents, and in my book Matt Barnes gave himself a name. Its not something I would wish upon the man, but I wonder what would have happened if the Jazzy Warrior’s child had had more complications and Mr. Fisher had to stay behind. I wonder what would have been had the Warriors been able to take one of the very winnable first two games in the series. The Jazz proved that they belong in the playoffs by doing something that “the best team in the NBA” couldn’t, but do they belong in the NBA finals?

Now for the second series I’m going to throw a bit of a strange analogy at you. I present Zack Morris (the Spurs) and Mr. Belding (David Stern). Mr. Belding is Zack’s bitch. He can get away with anything and anyone who gets in his way will eventually be sent to detention. I state my case chronologically. First Joey Crawford’s officiating duties are revoked for the remainder of the year. Maybe the man was wrong in T-ing Duncan up twice while on the bench, but if had to deal with that preppy Virgin (islander) and his backhanded comments and sideways glances all the time I’d probably get fed up too. Why wasn’t Crawford just relegated to the eastern conference playoffs and kept from the finals?

Next is Tony Parker’s “accidental” head butt of Steve Nash in the first game that kept him off of the court for the final minutes of game one. Remember how Zack Morris managed to get the teachers to strike once and how he got a history test postponed so the Football team could learn some new plays for the big game? Well in game one Parker had Nash seeing red and in game one and Bruce Bowen took his baby making abilities away from him in game three. Two players physically harmed the rightful MVP without any repercussions other than what amounts to a couple of bucks to a pro basketball player.

When Belding finally does punish Zack it is the most laughable punishment ever. Robert Horry basically cross checks Nash in a losing effort and must pay with two games. Amare Stoudamire and Boris Diaw must sit what looks to be their final home game of the season (barring some act of god) for stepping onto the court. They were herded back to the bench far before coming close to a member of the Spurs and dammit, you try watching your team leader (and smallest guy) get battered and beaten all series long. Those steps onto the court were simply a reaction and I don't even have to show you the stats of these players to show how lopsided the suspensions are. I watched Torii Hunter take a few steps towards the mound after taking a ball in the face and not get suspended by Bud Selig. I heard you could kill an opposing soccer player in Europe and only have to sit out the remainder of the game.

Everybody hates the Spurs; they aren’t fun to watch, they play dirty, they bitch when things aren’t going their way and they have Stern in their back pocket. I guarantee that the kids walking around the halls of Bayside High hated Zack Morris, his big ass cell phone, his friends (I’m sure they had crushes on the girls though) and his ability to get away with anything he pleased. We are now destined for an NBA finals featuring Zack and A.C. Slater (The Pistons).

P.S. Looks like somebody else left the bench in that game.

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