Some People's Kids: Notes from the Foreskin... Vol. 2

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Notes from the Foreskin... Vol. 2


It was a bad week and a half for Carmelo Anthony.

First, he gets pulled over on suspicion of DUI two days before the playoffs start with his team clinging to their respective playoff lives. Then his team goes out and lays a complete egg against the Lakers, getting swept 4-0 in the first round of the Western Conference Playoffs, during which time, 'Melo accused his team of quitting during the fourth quarter of a Game 3 bludgeoning. As the "leader" of that team, he simply can't do that. He can curse at his teammates behind closed doors, and call them quitters all he wants in that format, but he cannot go public with those feelings. That is extremely unfair to his teammates because it now paints everyone on that team as "QUITTERS" in everyone's eyes around the league. Already many of his fellow teammates have come out in their own defense. People always want to compare Carmelo to his fellow draft mates in Dwade, Lebron, and even Chris Bosh, but he will never be in the same league as a player like Lebron or Dwayne Wade because he fails to do the things that leaders need to do. Lead by example, come up big, don't break the law, and don't under any circumstances, call out your teammates in the public.

*On a separate side note that I thought was worth noting, somehow we made it through this whole series without an expose` or even some off color jokes about Kobe Bryant having to stay in a hotel in Denver for two nights without getting into any trouble.. I was SO looking forward to that one. ESPN & TNT, you let me down..

While we are on the subject of bad days...or for that matter, bad years...

The hits just keep coming for Roger Clemens. Amid all the hoopla that arose over the last 6 months about him using all sorts of performance enhancing drugs throughout his career, you can now add an affair and possibly statutory rape to the list. You have to hand it to this guy, when he goes down, he really goes down hard. A report surfaced that Clemens had a decade long affair with country music star, Mindy McCready, which allegedly started when McCready was the ripe old age of 15. Clemens would have been 28 at the time. Now, I have always understood older men's attraction to "younger" women, but this is pretty messed up. How can you, at Roger Clemens' level, put yourself out on a limb like that? Facing the possibility of jail time if anyone had found out back then. (And make no mistake, they would have made an example out of him, had they found out) Now, since Roger couldn't follow the popular fad of actually admitting his mistakes and decided to file a defamation of character lawsuit, the skeletons in that closet are a walkin', me boy.. He not only has to worry about his place in baseball history and whether or not, even with astounding numbers, he will make the hall of fame, he will also now have to seriously worry about a perjury charge or two. We have never seen a fall from grace like this before that I am aware of. Maybe Mike Tyson comes to mind, but he's quickly pushed aside because hes just bleepin' crazy. This story has some teeth and there's a lot more to come. So stay tuned. If you were wondering, here's what McCready has to offer at the moment. At a boy, Rog.. (but just imagine what she looked like at 15..) Ick




In yet another bad week story....
The Washington Wizards are officially the dumbest team in professional sports.
They have talent; alot of it. But what they do have in talent, they are equally as idiotic and immature as I've seen in a collection of players in a long, long time. Pick your Wizard, and I'm sure they have suffered from foot in mouth syndrome at some point either before or during this playoff series with the Cleveland Cavaliers. Gilbert Arenas said the Cavaliers couldn't possibly beat them three straight years in the playoffs and that they were hoping to face them in the 1st round. Deshawn Stevenson called Lebron overrated, and continues to talk shit and dish out flagrant fouls. Brendan Haywood can't shut up either, recently mocking King James in a whiny, pouty, child's tone of voice. And what did they get for their troubles? A 3-1 deficit in a series marked by extreme inconsistency that saw them lose by 36 one game and win by 30 + the very next. That reeks of immaturity. I have an idea.. Don't wake a sleeping giant! Lebron is scary good normally. You give him a chip on his shoulder and now you really have problems. Deshawn Stevenson, along with his 38% shooting, and the rest of the Wizards need to shut their mouths, take their whoopin', and go quietly into the night. Just like the last two years.

I have diarrhea of the mind right now. I'm spewing with talkers, so I must go on.

Larry Brown just got another coaching job. I'm lost for words. I'm flabbergasted. How do teams keep hiring this clown? Owners in the NBA must not like money. Here's the MO with Larry Brown: Sign a four year deal worth roughly 10 million dollars. Coach two years. Get sick/tired/bored. Get a buyout and the remaining $5 Million dollars for doing nothing. That's not an exaggeration. That's just how it is. He doesn't play young players and rookies, which Charlotte always has a lot of. It's sad, because I feel this is the last attempt by Charlotte Bobcats minority owner, Michael Jordan, to prove that he is a good NBA executive. I really hate to say it, but Mike got taken on this one.

Just one more, I promise..




This was kind of a late addition to the column tonight. I just watched the Spurs finish off the Suns in 5 games in their first round series. My disdain for the Spurs has reached a new level. They have now officially supplanted the Utah Jazz of the mid to late 90's in terms of my pure hatred for them. They are good. It's really hard to admit, but I will give them that. But what I can't stand to watch is the amount of bad calls that go their way. Down the stretch tonight, in an extremely close game, the referees called not one, but two phantom tripping calls. One involved the Big Gerbil, Tim Duncan blatantly tripping himself to get a foul called, and Mr. Eva Longoria driving the lane and falling down on his own accord, much to the sch grin of Amare Stoudamire, on whom the foul was called. This team never fails me. Every year something different arises that ratchets up my level of hate for this team. Its amazing. Whether its Tim Duncan hitting a random three to send Game One into overtime, which of course Phoenix lost, or whether its consistently making me watch games ending 82-81. I was a big New Orleans Hornets fan before, but with the Spurs now taking on the Hornets in the second round, I will be rooting for them like I've never rooted for anyone else before. Tonight, I am going to try to conjure up dreams of Tyson Chandler catching a trademark alley-opp lob from Chris Paul, and dunking on Tim Duncan's ass. Okay, not really... But please don't let me down New Orleans. Then I will have to turn my rooting interest to the Lakers, and that's just adding insult to injury.



This just in... Tim Duncan likes dudes.

I'm out.

8 comments:

Jesse said...

Shit yes! Now thats some entertainment to liven up a run o' the mill Wednesday morning. Very nice mental spewage Mr. Neubie.

The Inevitable Muck-up said...

Holy shit! a talking muffin.

Jay said...

I agree on the talking muffin part!! How do they get him to do that??? Momma likes neubie!!!

Neubiedamus said...

..What the fuck?....

Jay said...

as in momma like! I should have put a comma in there maybe. Or maybe even Momma Likes! Neubie!!

Jay said...

I was trying to say I liked what you wrote

Neubiedamus said...

oh, thanks buddy! Its about time I wrote again.. and thanks for chiming in Jesse! good to hear from ya again.

Jay said...

Who is Jesse?