What Would the IMU Do?

So I'm getting pretty stoked about this draft tonight and I'm been talking to Bez while he slacks off at work. He asked me where I thought everyone would go because I was telling him I though Chad Ford's latest Mock Draft was pretty shitty. It started because of a handful of players being in what I thought was the completely wrong place in the first round, but also because He has the Wolves taking two international players and keeping them over seas in the second round. I've already stated that I think the Wolves should move up, which I'll talk about at the bottom of this, but should they keep those picks what good is it to keep players away from this team when backing up our Power Forward turned Center are Micheal Doleac and Chris Richards who is shorter than Jefferson. Our Power Forwards are all too small as well. Gomes and Smith are 6-7 and Madsen is not only nothing more than a glorified cheerleader, but also a 6-9 player who tends to mop up in the 5 spot more than the 4.

Anyways... Here's how I see the Top Ten going down.

1. Chicago takes Derrick Rose. Easy.
2. Beasley goes here. If Miami doesn't take him they trade the pick to either Seattle or Memphis. From Seattle they get Chris Wilcox and the 4. From Memphis They get Mike Miller and the 5. I'm sure there would be other current NBA players involved in this trade for money purposes, but I'm not going to bother figuring that sort of stuff out.
3. The Wolves take Ovinton J'Anthony Mayo. Please take him. Please take him. Please take him. God strike McHale down before 6 PM. ( you don't have to kill him, just incapacitate him during our picks)
4. Jerryd Bayless goes here either to the Heat or to Seattle.
5.The Grizzlies take Kevin Love or The Heat take Russell Westbrook.
6. I think the Knicks take Westbrook or D.J. Augustine Lets face it... the Knicks could use everything and Ford has them leaning towards Danillo Gallinari. I think they want Westbrook to fix that Starbury problem. I'm not sold on teams digging that European Point-Forward bullshit after they all seemingly flop unless they are named Dirk (who just chokes in the clutch)
7.I think the Clips take D.J Augustine. If he is not available they pick Eric Gordon.
8. The Bucks take Joe Alexander. This seems pretty set in stone.
9. The Bobcats will take Kevin Love if he isn't selected at 3 (no please) or 5. If he is gone they take Brook Lopez so that they can move Emeka Okefor to Power Forward.
10. The Nets take Danillo Gallinari at 10.

I think Ford has Bayless way too low, Lopez and Galinary too high, and Augustine and Westbrook slightly lower than they should be. This is a Guard's top 10 and a Center's mid section.

Now. About that trade I want the Wolves to make to jump into the middle of the first round. It looks like The Warriors at 14 are our best hopes if we try to package this years two second rounders and/or Antoine Walker. The Warriors have Andris Biedrins and Monta Elis as restricted free agents and could use Walker's salary off the books to help sign one or both along with not having guaranteed contracts for second rounders. The Sixers are in the same boat as the Warriors at 16 as they have Andre Iguodalla as a restricted free agent this season. If the combination involves the first rounder we got from Boston there are more options... probably the The Wizards who need to figure out a way to get Gilbert Arenas and Antwan Jamison back on their team. My guess is they'll only get Gilbert back.

I'd rather not bother giving up a first rounder and ending up lower with the Wiz, but it may end up happening and that Celtics pick won't be too many spots above the one Miami gave us any way. I want to figure out a way to get rid of Antoine Walker, Marko Jaric, Rashad McCants and Craig Smith are on my chopping block. Bassy and Gomes are very reluctantly there as well. There are worse players that are obvious choices to go, but I don't think they'd be wanted unless contracts don't match up. If you want to know who I'd like us to pick up for a big man its either Kosta Koufus or DeAndre Jordan leaning towards Koufus.

UPDATE: It looks like the Sonics and Clippers will swap the 4 and 7 picks if Mayo is off the table by then. Sounds like the Clippers wanted Eric Gordon even more than I thought they did(I'll go ahaed and take half a point when this thing goes through). I still think Seattle will be looking for a PG.

Notes from the Foreskin Vol. 3

Man, the resemblance is uncanny..

The Bears make me laugh. Every day, it seems, some other example of questionable decision making within the franchise comes to fruition. Just like 30 is the new 20, the Bears are the new Vikings. Going all the way back to the Lance Briggs situation, this has been a pretty comical series of events. Let's see, in the past three weeks, Brian Urlacher is threatening to sit out mini camps and part of the season if he doesn't get a better contract. Cedric Benson decided to add some resisting arrest to his drunken boating on Lake Travis in Texas. They failed to address the quarterback position in the draft, indicating once more, to everyone's astonishment, that they are committed to Rex Grossman. That's a laundry list of troubles that only the Vikings and Bengals are capable of duplicating. But wait, we're not done.. The best is yet to come. In their refusal to pay studs like Lance Briggs and Brian Urlacher, who have earned their just due, they have chosen to make their kicker, Robbie Gould, the highest paid kicker in NFL history, edging out Adam Vinatari of the Indianapolis Colts. Hmmm let's see, kicking immortality who has made 3 Super Bowl winning kicks and countless other playoff boots that, along with some clever camera placement, helped the New England Patriots win 3 out of 4 Super Bowls.. Or a 3rd year kicker who hasn't proven anything. As a Vikings fan, this makes me smile. Since appearing in the Super Bowl just two short years ago, the Bears have succeeded in becoming one of the worst teams in the NFL. Sure, they will win a few games this year, (5 by Neubiedamus' count) but that's only because their pissed off, underpaid (relatively) defense is good for 2 games and Devon Hester is will win the other 3 for them. This team was the 3rd worst rushing team in the league last year and their top running back is now in serious danger of being cut. The hits just keep on coming. But at least they have their kicker locked up long term... Move over Detriot. Chicago is here to take the "Worst and most idiotic franchise in the NFL title" from ya. You held the reigns long enough.





In another shocker of a news story, the NCAA is investigating whether or not O.J. Mayo took gifts, in the form of cash and vehicles, while in high school and in college at USC. If you could actually here my tone of voice you might sense just a wee bit of sarcasm directed at that last statement. The story goes like this. Some sleazeball talked a poor, super talented black kid into accepting all this money to verbally agree to a contract with a sports marketing agency when he chooses to go to the NBA. Sound familiar?? Does Reggie Bush ring a bell? Same idea. Same school even. I think the moral of the story is. If you want money, no matter the consequence, go to USC. It seems like their athletic department is either too blind to see what the rest of us understand as commonplace, or they are just being enablers to the situation. Either way, I have a strong inkling that the NCAA is gonna come down hard on USC to make an example. Can you smell that? That's the can of worms just being cracked open. Just what America needs, another OJ causing a ruckus in Southern California. (I know its a really bad joke, but it was coming at me like an 83 mph fastball down the heart of the plate)

As for OJ Mayo, I don't think I've wanted a soon to be professional athlete fail more than I do this guy. Since I first heard the story of him walking into USC coach Tim Floyd's office and recruiting himself to the school, I have wished for his demise. It only got worse on hearing about and seeing the tape of him throwing an alley-oop to himself towards the end of a 40 point State Championship Game blowout and then getting ejected from his final game for chucking the ball into the stands. This might even be tolerable, if not excusable, but then he walked around the court, hands held high, basking in the cascading cheers of the crowd like some Roman Gladiator just having defeated a wildebeest. Only this is a high school kid, and it just proves what kind of cocky, attention hogging idiot this guy really is. The sad thing is, he has sick basketball talent and that will land him in a high spot in the upcoming NBA draft and probably some endorsement deals with Sunny D and Hellman's.


A note to PETA: As much as you would like Horses to speak, feel, talk and act like humans, they are not humans. Mr. Ed was just a TV show.

As you have probably heard about by now, two weeks ago at the Kentucky Derby, the second place finisher, 8 Belles, broke both ankles in a post race trot and had to be euthanized on the spot. When word got around about the happenings, PETA got on the horn and started spewing blame at everyone. The jockey was to be fined and fired. The trainer was to be held responsible. The entire horse racing industry is immoral. Please.
This was a fluke accident that could have happened to any horse at any time in any place. In our society, we are so quick to want to assign blame for everything, because that's what makes news and that's what people seem to want. Its like if a kid holding a baseball bat in the batter's box gets struck by lightning, and people want to blame the coach, the parents, and the baseball bat company for not making a more lightning-friendly bat for the kid to hold. This is sickening and PETA needs to go away. These horses get treated better than a majority of human beings do and they need to stop taking one incident and extrapolating it for the entire horse racing and training industry. Just stick to dealing with some lady who has 400 cats in her 1 bedroom apartment or Michael Vick's ignant ass, and leave the rest of us alone.

On a side tangent, horse racing in general sucks and the only people who care about it are the 80 or so people that actually raise horses. And no, the millions of people who bet on the Kentucky Derby and other horse races don't count. Just don't inform my current employer that I just said that.



Lastly, I came across a story earlier that made me do a double take. Clay Buchholz, a young pitcher for the Boston Red Sox, who just got lit up by our favorite club only a few days ago, was put on the Disabled List with a broken fingernail. Yep, I said it. A broken fingernail. Now, I've heard of some really comical injuries over the years in major league baseball, like pitchers having tired arms or Sammy Sosa throwing out his back during a sneeze, but this is absolutely unbelievable. Words couldn't describe the laugh that came out of my mouth after seeing this roll across the ESPN Bottom Line. What's next? A Yankees pitcher goes down for 6 weeks with an allergic reaction to a tampon? Or maybe, the oft-injured Rich Harden's next injury could be cornea strain caused by make up run-off. I don't know what the next one will be for sure, but I just don't want anyone to tell Joe Mauer about this story, because then he might conjure up a reason to sit out night games after night games, instead of just day games after night games, like usual.

Da Bears Are Bery, Bery Angry at Berrian

I know I'm late on this one, but Bernard Berrian is now a member of the Vikings. It feels so good to steal one of the better members of a divisional foe's squad. Berrian is a speedster who can stretch the field while actually catching the ball. He'll be able to take the pressure off of the run game, and if all goes as I have it planned in my head he could be a big help in the development of Tarvaris Jackson as a QB and of Sidney Rice as a receiver. Jackson has never had a go to guy, Rice will benefit from extra coverage being thrown Berrian's way, and Purple Jesus will not see 9 men in the box every time he enters the game.

He's no Chris Carter or Randy Moss, but he's also not Troy Williamson. This team has a great defense that is aging, and if we want to take advantage of that defense we needed to pick up a quality veteran wide out. Berrian was 50 yards from a 1,000 yard season and hauled in 5 touchdowns. That's two more touchdowns than Williamson has in his 3 year career. I don't think well have a kick ass offense next year, but we might have a kick butt offense now that the passing game has a life.

On top of all of this we effectively squashed every ounce of offense out of the Bears. Who is their best receiver now? Devin Hester? Good luck, Rex. Maybe you should hand the ball off to... no, that didn't work last year. Maybe you should practice getting sacked and throwing the ball out of bounds.

All Praise Purple Jesus

This is what I worship every Sunday. There are Six GMs banging their heads against the wall after seeing Adrian Peterson destroy one of the best defenses in the NFL. I can also think of one head coach and one starting quarterback that should bow down and thank Peterson for taking the pressure off and most likely A) prolonging Childress' head coaching career for at least a little while longer and B) allowing Jackson to develop into a starting quarterback while actually playing starting quarterback. Without Peterson, Childress may not have made it past this season with this organization and Jackson would have been given up on when the lack of offense is not entirely his fault. (I haven't even heard anyone say anything about Jackson's 9-23 day or the fact that 60 of his 139 passing yards came on one play)

I know it was only one game and the Vikings could revert to the team that we've had to endure for the last 20+ games but I really don't think that's going to happen. This team might not make the playoffs but I think they'll at least be playing for a chance at the end of the year. Before the season began I figured the team would win 4 games. We may be two and three, but we've outscored the opponent 101-90 and have never lost a game by more than a TD.

I told you... I told you that all the team needs is 24 points to win. They got 34 points. Peterson scored 18 of those by himself (with a couple blocks here and there)and is the only reason Longwell has a new career high. The former Sooner and current Bad Ass had 224 yards on the ground and 128 returning kicks. I still don't like him returning kicks. Don't get me wrong, I loved him returning the last kick and Childress made the right decision but that is the only scenario where Peterson should be returning kicks.

Even the game plan was better this week. The passing game may not have worked so well but we stretched the field early and on more than one occasion, though it only actually worked once (Thanks for finally using that glue I sent you Stonehands). The team also tried play action a couple of times. Its too bad we can't get 200 yards out of Peterson every game to allow the passing game more time get itself together. I'd still like Sidney Rice to get more looks... he only had one catch, but he laid out for it and fortified my feeling that he'll be a great receiver one day. He probably could have gotten more looks if the team made it into the redzone, but when the other team can't make it there either its not so scary to think about.

The defense did a good job for the first three quarters. Outside of Winfield falling down (which sucks, but I'm not about to complain about our best Corner and one of the hardest hitters in the NFL) the Vikings shut the bears down. The fourth quarter was a different story... I think the D hit the locker room as soon as Dwight Smith got his INT and forgot to look at the clock. This includes Smith who got a great view of Devin Hester's second TD of the day. Marcus McCauly missed a sure INT that would have saved me that anxious feeling you get when the Vikings take a game with a lead of 7 or less into its final minutes. I'd also like some more sacks.

I almost forgot... E.J. Henderson is the shit and crushed that fullback to end the half. Now go watch Osi Umenyiora and Michael Strahan rip Joey's limbs off

Blog, I forgot all about you

Blog,
I'm sorry I have been gone for so long. You have been neglected. It's just that things haven't gone well in my sports universe lately. It has been hard, Iowa football sucks (some may say they always have (I won't be one of them)), The Twins sucked the season away, not that I care, but the Vikings blow (actually that's funny), and The Wild are just getting going (they got some help from drunk me, and friends Saturday).

I know I have made promises before to come back more often, and that usually is short lived, so this time I'm not making any promises, but I will try. I may need some motivations so here are a list of things a few things that make me happy:

1. The Yankee's season was only 4 games longer then the Twins. Go Indians.
2. I don't live in Chicago, suck it Bears, bring back Rexy already.
3. Ozzie Guillen will back next year.
4. Lists.
5. The Wild.
6. The NBA is back soon, which seems to give me plenty to write about.

That was short and sweet.

Anyway, If one doesn't work tomorrow afternoon, I suggest in tuning into ESPN2. Timberwolves vs Celtics in preseason play from Italy.