SlamBall Is The Shit

And its coming back thanks to Pat Croce and the original creators. Spike needs to pick this back up... I'm sure your audience can do with one less hour of "That 70's Show" or "CSI: whatever city you happen to be in."

Slamball gives hope to people my size to happen to not be afraid of trampolines or physical violence on a basketball court. I happen to not be a member of either group, but back in 9th grade before the trampoline/basketball court incident I might have been encouraged to pursue this sport.

When will a Minnesota team Play for the present?

(I know how Matt feels after hearing that Johan is gone)

The owners in this town have been breaking my heart for as long as I can remember and its a bunch of bullshit. Stop telling me that we're a small market and its impossible to make money off of the respective teams. You don't continue running a business for 10 plus years that is always in the red unless you're already loaded and can use it as a tax write off. Once, just once, I want one of these teams to really go for the glory. I'm sick of losing stars because of ownership and management.

You're probably saying that the Timberwolves did it back in KG's MVP year. You're right, but when everything want down the drain the next year the team fired it's coach instead of the stars causing all of the trouble. Then they got rid of the stars causing all of the trouble almost immediately. This last year they got rid of the one man I associate with the team. I know this was the right thing to do under the circumstances and we got some value out of the deal, but if Kevin McHale had never been the VP of whatever the hell his title is this would not have needed to happen. Flip was the scapegoat.

McHale bet on Starbury, gave KG the biggest contract the NBA had ever seen, cost the Wolves 5 picks over Joe Smith and gave undeserved contracts to a handful of players including Troy Hudson. Is the future bright after the last 5 or so games we've seen from the Wolves and the knowledge that Al Jefferson didn't take a max contract? Yes, but the future is always bright in this frozen godforsaken hell hole. (I don't really mean that, its just so cold out right now)

Maybe you argue that the Vikings are doing things the proper way now through the draft and have the future best running back of all time. (knock on wood) Agreed, unfortunately the defense that is best against the run and has it's passing numbers inflated because of that is getting older by the day. Pat Williams, Darren Sharper and Antoine Winfield- all pro-bowl caliber players, are not getting any younger and the defense can only score so many points a game. We need sacks and we need an air game and those positions don't usually produce at a high level in their first year. We have nothing to show for letting Randy Moss go and all we got for Culpepper was Ryan Cook, the weakest link in a strong offensive line. They probably give me the most hope for a championship in the near future, but they won't be playing the Patriots this time next year.

Maybe you're saying that the Wild blah, blah, blah... you gotta understand I don't follow hockey, I watch it when its on. You want some solid analysis of the teams chances to bring me a trophy to celebrate you should go and ask Bez. He likes that shit... I just think its pretty and bloody and sometimes its pretty bloody.

Same goes for that Lacrosse team, and that women's basketball team, and college doesn't count because everything is too unpredictable.

Maybe you're saying the Twins have consistently made the playoffs or come close since the turn of the century. Carl Pohlad has 2.6 million dollars. If he signed Santana for $200 million for an 8 year contract (more than he wants) that would be less than one percent of our owner's total worth... he would have kept this contender together into his brand new stadium which we paid for. I realize that the salaries in Baseball are out of control, but we're talking about the best pitcher in baseball. I know Santana wanted to be on a bigger stage, but money like this could suade him to stay.

He's gone and its too late. Now my problem is the choice of packages. I wanted to take the Yankees deal with major league ready talent to go along with a team that is pretty good minus the greatest pitcher playing today. The World of B makes a good point about those who say that deals for star players have worked out for this team in the past. This is not A good player... this is THE greatest player in his prime. We should have been able to get more than what we got. Wait one week and maybe we get one or more of these teams to throw in that last piece we've been asking for.

I can't bring myself to wear a Yankees cap just to ensure that I get to celebrate a championship once every decade. I can't watch the Celtics without watching Allen and KG together and thinking about what would have happened if they'd started playing together back in the 90s on my team and changed the course of history. I won't be able to watch this Sunday's game without thinking that Joe Buck has something to do with Randy Moss being a Patriot and not on the Viking's sideline as part of a very explosive offense to go along with that dangerous defense. ( I know that is crazy far fetched and Red McCombs is really to blame, but I hate Buck and I hate how he handled that FAKE moon in Lambeau and how McCombs used it as reasoning to get rid of a hall of fame caliber receiver)

I just can't handle losing another phenomenal player. I've decided to brace myself for Adrian Peterson's departure today. I'm not doing this again. On behalf of Minnesota sports fans I say Fuck you world. Stop stealing my joy.

Spike Jones Made Something Pretty

This is the intro to the "Fully Flared" video from Lakai. Mr. Jones didn't really do too much except slow everything down and add some explosions but he does it without becoming Michael Bay. I dig Spike Jones and his love of skateboarding and music videos. I like that the only time he makes feature films they are interesting and artistic. He made Being "John Malkovich" and noe hes working on "Where the Wild Things are." Granted he always shows up in the Jackass movies and TV show, but who wouldn't want to hang out with those guys no matter how lowbrow the comedy is?

I wouldn't mind having his career or life. The same way I want Nate Dogg's career (sans stroke)or Don Cheadle's career. I'd love to work on the projects I wanted to when I wanted to, have a low enough profile where I can go out to dinner and live a normal life, but every once in a while someone comes up to me and says, "Hey man, I really enjoy what you do."

When the Zombies Begin to Exist

Look, I don't know if you guys are aware of this yet or not, but I'm a little crazy. The other guys will tell you its true. I have a tendency to blow things out of proportion and go a little bit conspiracy theorist. Now is one of those times, and I'll tell you up front that my feelings on this issue are totally, completely 100% true. I don't exactly think this will result in the emergence of actual zombies, but I don't think anything good will come of this.

The FDA has announced that food from cloned animals is safe to eat. I don't like this. Remember how people are not supposed to play god? Yeah, I think eating the ultimate bastard child is going to piss off some sort of supernatural being. (I won't name names because I have not had the pleasure of meeting any such beings) Have they even perfected cloning? Dolly the sheep only lived 6 years when the normal life expectancy is 12-15 years. And the FDA is the same organization that approved Vytorin- The cholesterol drug that has the tiny, insignificant side-effect of CLOGGING YOUR ARTERIES.

Then, on top of all of this crazy bullshit President Bush made a speech backing up the Mayan calender. Their calender inexplicably ends in 2012. An ancient civilization that not only knew that there were 365 days in a year, but knew that there was an extra fraction of a day to be factored in. What exactly did our fearless leader say?

"When history was written the final page will say victory was achieved by the United States of America for the god of the world"

That dumb bastard has already read the history of the world, and according to him We've been close to victory is near. A victory that lands on the final page of history. Wanna know what the last words on that page are? "And then the Zombies came and many brains were eaten. The End."

This cloned meat is somehow going to result in a "mad human disease" I just know it.

the Post Office Rocks

I just spent the last 20 minutes or so at the local post office waiting to send off one of my graduate school applications and I had a blast. The place was packed with people who were probably getting their x-mas gifts sent off in time for the holidays. I guess they could have been sending off their Hanukkah presents as well but those aren't going to arrive until Tevet and that could be a problem. If today was any indication of what a normal day is like I'll likely be spending my time away from work just hanging around over there. I talked to an old lady about the differences between the post office in Montana and the one here, which contrary to popular belief is actually an interesting conversation, and I ran into Nubile's ex-ladyfriend.

*Me- " Whats crack-a-lackin'?"
Her- "Nutin'."
Me- "aight."
Her- "Aight, peace."

I think my favorite part of the whole escapade took place at the counter around the corner from the single-file line that everybody stood in. The man at the station was calling the next person in line up to his counter and I happened to be one of the lucky customers beckoned into the bowels of the post office. After paying my $4.60 (I had to send it priority because I waited until the last second to decide that I did, indeed, need to get me some more learnin') and not paying the bullshit 60 extra cents to track the package i was witness to one of the greatest arguments ever.

The clerk was a salty, rotund little man who obviously hated his job. I got all of this from his attempt to sell me the previously mentioned bullshit extra 60 cents and his subsequent scowl when I told him why I didn't want to. As I walked back to the desk a man came in the door and followed me. Before I even finished my transaction he forced a $20 bill in front of me and demanded a roll of stamps. The clerk told him that he was not in line and would have to wait his turn. The man told him that he was in line now and demanded his stamps. They went back and forth a bit longer with the clerk yelling at the top of his lungs about how he had cut line and the customer smirking and being a dickhead. I swear to god I thought the clerk was going to go postal (pun fully intended).

When the man asking for the stamps finally went to the back of the line around the corner the clerk looks at me and goes, " That guys crazier than you think. I know him, he sells houses. You don't even know." Those three sentences left me dumbfounded. The origin of the argument left me dumbfounded.

If someone could please explain what makes a realtor crazy (outside of that whole subprime loan business) I would be much obliged. I am vexed... this is terribly vexing.

*dialog may not match actual conversation

THANK YOU CHICAGO

With my past experience with the White Sox, I don't think I could be as happy for another team as I am right now. If you haven't heard the White Sox just extended Ozzie Guillen through 2012. This means we can expect them to fall apart year after year, until at least 2013, which is wonderful. Even though the Twins are DONE this season, life as a Twins fan is good.

The Sharkman Is Crazy Stupid!

This is Michael Rutzen and the above statement is to be taken literally. Rutzen is crazy and stupid. This video does him absolutely no justice... and he is swimming with reef sharks using only medieval technology as protection. Wanna know why? His goal is to do what you are watching, he calls it tonic immobility, but with Great Whites.

Rutzen lives in Gansbaai, South Africa which is the capitol of the world. Coincidently its also the breeding grounds for the jackass penguin... I kid you not. Jackass Rutzen didn't even have the chain maille prior to meeting up with someone who could actually perform tonic immobility.

I'm so glad my cousin has On Demand. I missed Shark Week on Discovery and never would have seen "Shark Man" had I not been in Chicago this week. I highly suggest stopping by the Discovery channel every half hour or so until you find the special in rerun. I still have to look for it because I only got half way through, the most I saw him do with great whites besides offer his arm as a snack was hitch a ride on one's fin.

Regina Spektor - That Time

This is Regina Spektor. She's super awesome and this song just made the all-time rotation for being wacky and up tempo. She didn't make this video, but she makes equally awesome videos and speaks fluent Russian. I used to live by some Russians... one of them stole my bike and the other owns the first set of boobs I ever saw. They were awesome too.

(Video by Pizzicotta)

Read A Book

So I was flipping through the channels this morning and came across this on BET. I just about shat myself laughing and thought I should help spread the message. Read a Mutha F@^%ing Book!

Arthur Blank is Kicking Himself

As you all know by now The Michael Vick Experience includes killing dogs, “allegedly.” The shit that he has been accused of sounds brutal. Losing dogs either died in the pit, got drowned, hung, electrocuted or slammed repeatedly on the concrete until they died. These allegations make Marcus look like the good Vick brother and making Marcus look good is damn hard to do. Ron Mexico or Ookie or whatever you want to call him is screwed.

Vick has been charged with Conspiracy to travel in interstate commerce in aid of unlawful activities and to sponsor a dog in an animal fighting venture in U.S. District Court for the Eastern District in Richmond, Va. Even if he manages to not serve any of the possible 6 years in prison that he is looking at he is screwed. Nobody is going to want him as a spokes person and Goodel will most likely suspend him for at least a few games if not an entire season. With 54 other people on the team there will be a big loss of respect. A handful of teammates have got to animal lovers and I can only imagine that they will want nothing to do with their quarterback. Image stolen from KSK.

Blank and Bobby Petrino have to be shitting their pants. They just put all of their eggs in one basket when they traded Matt Schaub to the Texans for the #8 overall pick (DE Jamaal Anderson) and #39 overall pick (OG Justin Blalock). I bet they wish they had used one of those on a backup quarterback. Atlanta’s season is over now that Joey Harrington is the starting quarterback. when was the last time you said thank god Harrington is playing and it wasn’t because your fantasy defense was playing him? My guess is that D.J. Shockley takes the reigns around game 7 or Culpeper ends up in Atlanta. Somewhere I can hear Joe Horn slamming his head against a wall and saying, “stupid, stupid, stupid… I could have won in New Orleans.”

Hey Mike, I hope the guys in jail didn't hear about that rape stand thing. I bet they'd think that was a good idea.

Vacation!!

We here at Some People's Kids feel the need to let our hair down every once in a while. What exactly does that mean? We're all going to find a nice piece of land in southern Minnesota that we like to call a cabin, drink too many beers, play bean bags for 8 hours straight and contemplate life, the universe and everything in it. It also means I'm gonna be free balling for the next four days. I think underwear is the devil. I love this weekend so much I'm going early just to pick a prime location for my tent and set off some fireworks. After I'm done with that I'll probably poor some beer out for my homies who couldn't make it; a Tibetan monk, a dewy duck, the birthday boy and Top Gun.
I know you're going to miss random pictures of Jessica Biel's ass or Jessica Alba in a compromising situation but deal with it. If you find yourself at the theater and have totally forgotten that I already wrote the film preview Just think WWMD -What Would Muck Do? You will survive my friends, I have faith. If you're dying for Twins news go to Aaron Gleeman, if you're dying for T-wolves news hit up I heart KG, If you're dying for Lynx news you should probably shoot yourself. If I were you I'd stop by RandBall too.

The pic at the top is from last year. all of the writers are in there somewhere. If you can pick me out of the crowd I'll give you a nickel. Unless I have given you a nickel for some other reason.

Butts to do 3 years for TP

I was on my way to work yesterday and listening to MPR like usual when an off the wall story came screaming out of the radio, bounced around my skull for a tick or two and came to a screeching halt. In Marshalltown Iowa a woman by the name of Suzanne Marie Butts has been charged with stealing toilet paper out of the local courthouse (this is going to NOTY for sure). The 38 year old woman was caught brown handed with 3 rolls by an employee last week and now faces three years in prison.

On Friday (the 8^th, I’m guessing) Butts was charged with stealing $30 from a family member. The $30 was Butts’ 3^rd theft charge and the plundered toilet paper was her fourth making her eligible for conviction under the state’s habitual offender law. That is one year per single ply bottom shelf sandpaper make your ass bleed government TP roll. When the authorities caught up with her in the parking lot she attempted to hide them under her shirt. Wow, ain’t that some shit?

Pic from GastroGirl.

American Gladiators were (and still are) Awesome: Part 2

Cause I know people love the American Gladiators and I wanted to keep writing about it, here is part two.

There are a few things about what I have watched on American Gladiators in the last few weeks that I don't remember, but one of these has just about hit me in the face it was so funny. I honestly don't remember the Executioner. He was a judge dressed up like a hooded executioner, and it was really funny.



This member of the cast was cut after the first year, and I can't see why they would scratch such a lovable character. I bet the guy who came up with this guy also got let go.

With a little and I stress the word "little," research I found a page with "where are they now bios." From this list, and take it as the most credible source on the internet, these people are all over the place, some in good places some bad.

Wesley "Two Scoops" Berry- *Rumored* to be doing 10-20 years in jail for armed robbery of a California bank

Scary, what would you do, wait a second, better question, why does he need to be armed? Anyways, I don't know how much I can or want to write about the AG's anymore, but this site I found has entirely too much information about the American Gladiators.

"It's about winning"

American Gladiators were (and still are) Awesome

When I was a kid American Gladiators was the shit, but since they're never on anymore this fact had slipped my mind. A few weeks ago ESPN Classics started airing them again, they are more exciting now, but for entirely different reasons this time around.

The 1st thing that has stood out to me, maybe because I would have only been 7 years old in 1989, is that Joe Theisman was the host for the first season, how awesome is that. To be honest he has not changed a bit since then, he still blows. His Monday night job might be over, maybe he can get this gig going again, check this sparkling commentary out:



Go Joe!! You, unlike any other, can break down Powerball.

Another thing that is great is you get to see the late 80's and early 90's in all their big hair glory. The sweat suits were great also, the guy who did all of the post competition interviews in the early years always had a "kick ass" sweat suit. I remember how cool these things were, and I had no less then 5 of them.

Next up is Malibu, and no words can do this guy justice so here's anther video. Thanks Youtube.


Sweet!!

I bet all the gladiators were on so many steroids during this show. I can only find evidence of one being caught with steroids, and that was Gold (aka Tonya Knight), and the only reason she was caught was because she was in some sort of international competition. This picture isn't her but if this women is not on steroids or actually a man I don't know what to say.



That can't even be a women on steroids, it has to be a man doesn't it?

Anyways American Gladiators was awesome. Thank you ESPN (it feels weird thanking them) for bringing this back into my life. I have a feeling that this may only be part one, I keep finding more as the digging goes on. Check back for more....

WOW

I heard this song while driving to work this morning on my Sirius and I about drove off the bridge I was crossing. I thought that this had to be shared.


amazing.....

Big Brother aka the NFL

It appears that JaMarcus Russell thinks that he has been spied on by and NFL team. According to an interesting article by Mike Freeman of Sportsline:

Russell claims that at one point recently an NFL team -- he says he does not know which one -- spied on him for a period of several days and possibly longer by assigning someone to follow him.

If this is true, which I believe it very well could be, the NFL is more fucked up then anyone of us every realized. What do you expect to gain by following someone for a "period of several days." For any of the men being drafted or being considered to be drafted, this time of their lives is the most scrutinized time they may ever face. By trailing anyone for a few days you will not gain anything.

If anything the teams should be trailing players on their teams that they have had problems with. Give Adam "pac-man" Jones a baby-sitter per say, and follow him, or give the Bengals ankle bracelets so you know there wear abouts.

I hope whichever team was spying on him found some reason not to draft him in those few days. So when Mr. Russell goes on to be some hall of fame player, all they have to say for why they passed on him was because of something they saw spying on him. Lame.

The picture is what I hope the spy looked like, although I'm sure it didn't come close.

Edit: here is the link

5000%

I know this has primarily been a sports blog per say, but my friend Kevin sent this to me and it had to go straight to the press'. I will totally make exceptions to the norm her for material that makes me fall out of my chair. Here ya go, hold on:



What are the odds this guy has fathered a child since the taping of this show. Maury has to be one of the most entertaining shows in terms of "train wreck" material. I know i may regret saying this but, I wish there was more time the day so I could watch this show.

F*@#in Crazies....

Just when you think that the world could'nt get any more messed up, we are slapped back to the harsh reality of the way things really are. Just when we think that we have seen the last of major massacres on innocent people, another kid goes postal. It just doesnt seem to be getting any better anytime soon.

Of course, by now, this particular situation isnt news to anyone. The brutal killings of 32 innocent students at Virginia Tech the other day have rocked the country. Once again some random kid decides he's had enough and instead of just killing himself, he takes out his aggresion on 32 other students and ends their lives as well.

Im sure when it all gets broken down, from every angle, we will find out that this fool felt that the world was shitting on him. Im sure it will come out that the kids in Gym class snapped him with towels every day for two months. Im sure it will come out that his girlfriend just cheated on him with his best friend. Im sure it will come out that Burger King refused employment to him, even with an impending college graduation on the horizon. People will look at society and at Virginia Tech and at music he was listening to, and ask why? The answer? Maybe hes just nuttier than squirrel turds! Maybe he's bleepin crazy!
Everyone has been through some bad times in their lives, but 99.9 % of the population doesnt go kill people because of it. That .1 % screws it up for the rest of us and makes us all feel unsafe. I dont mean unsafe like when I go outside, Im looking over my shoulder every minute. I mean knowing that despite living a good, productive, normal life, some dude could come out the wood work and decide that you've lived long enough. And that's scary.

More details have come out about this horrible tragedy, including the identity of the shooter and that he left a "long and disturbing" note in his dorm room. In the note, Sueng-Hui Cho, a senior student, claimed "YOU caused me to do this." I got news for ya, though it wont matter cause your brains are splattered all over the floor in some classroom, no one did this to you. No one caused you to do what you did. Your messed up little mind caused you to do this. No matter what anyone did to you, it never warrented killing a bunch of kids, minding their own business, on their way to class. Why is it always someone elses fault? You never hear someone say, man, Im just really screwed up and I decided to some other people should suffer for me being that way.

Im not ashamed to say that I've been picked on more than a few times in my life. Everyone who went to any kind of school did. The difference is, I never felt the need to go find a gun and start blasting. I went home and beat up pillows, listened to music, and even cried sometimes. Kids need to stop thinking that the world is their playground and they can cop out and take out their frustration by killing a bunch of people. For the love of God and the sake of that 99.9% of us, Get OVER IT! Take a walk. Get a role model. Collect coins. Start doing drugs. I dont care.

Just dont kill people.