Da Bears Are Bery, Bery Angry at Berrian

I know I'm late on this one, but Bernard Berrian is now a member of the Vikings. It feels so good to steal one of the better members of a divisional foe's squad. Berrian is a speedster who can stretch the field while actually catching the ball. He'll be able to take the pressure off of the run game, and if all goes as I have it planned in my head he could be a big help in the development of Tarvaris Jackson as a QB and of Sidney Rice as a receiver. Jackson has never had a go to guy, Rice will benefit from extra coverage being thrown Berrian's way, and Purple Jesus will not see 9 men in the box every time he enters the game.

He's no Chris Carter or Randy Moss, but he's also not Troy Williamson. This team has a great defense that is aging, and if we want to take advantage of that defense we needed to pick up a quality veteran wide out. Berrian was 50 yards from a 1,000 yard season and hauled in 5 touchdowns. That's two more touchdowns than Williamson has in his 3 year career. I don't think well have a kick ass offense next year, but we might have a kick butt offense now that the passing game has a life.

On top of all of this we effectively squashed every ounce of offense out of the Bears. Who is their best receiver now? Devin Hester? Good luck, Rex. Maybe you should hand the ball off to... no, that didn't work last year. Maybe you should practice getting sacked and throwing the ball out of bounds.

Please Pick Up Donte Stallworth

If you wear purple on Sundays (and the occasional Monday night) you are undeniably aware of the fact that the Minnesota Vikings lack a passing game. One of the many reasons for this is on his way to Jacksonville, Thanks Mike. Another reason is that the team had no go to guy on the field. I'm not getting down on Bobby Wade, because I think he'll be a quality slot receiver, but he is not and never will be "The Man." I also love our selection of Sidney Rice and think that one day he will be a big time receive, but right now he's just to young. Aundrae Allison was a great selection for where he went in the draft last year, but I think he should be used as a return man and to spell our starters.

We need to sign Stallworth and I think we have an in with Brad Childress as our head coach. I know that they never actually crossed paths, but the know some of the same people. Childress was the man who spent his time in Philadelphia coaching Donovan McNabb. Stallworth, as a receiver, no doubt sparked up a friendship with McNabb. Stallworth is a solid receiver, I had him on my fantasy team and he always produced even though he was usually the third option in that powerful offense.

If this team picked up Donte Stallworth he would become a credible threat through the air, give T-Jack some more confidence in throwing the ball, allow Rice, Wade and possibly even VithsanteShaincoe some more room to work with and keep the defense from loading the box. We would have more of a balanced offense with the reciprocal relationship that Stallworth and Peterson/Taylor. I know that this idea is a stretch, but having Stallworth instead of Williamson is a major upgrade and will give peace of mind to the older members of our defense. It will allow us to draft a receiver in a later round and focus on other needs like safety and defensive end on the first day.

In related news The Daily Norsman is reporting that Kelly Holcomb has been released, Heath Farwell has been offered a one year contract worth about $1.4 million and Dwight Smith has been offered a 2 year contract by the Detroit Lions.

I wonder if David Carr is open to backing up T-Jack now that he's been cut by the Panthers. I know hes not great, but hes an upgrade from both Holcomb and Brooks Bolinger.

Troy say hello to Mr. Tice

The Vikings collective catching ability just got considerably better:

The Vikings have agreed in principle to trade receiver Troy Williamson to the Jacksonville Jaguars for a second-day draft pick, according to a person with knowledge of the situation.

The trade cannot become official until the official start of the league year, Thursday at 11 p.m. CST.

This of course reunites Williamson with none other then Mike Tice. Which obviously means future success.


The Vikings had a pretty good draft last year, so hopefully this additional pick will have similar results.

LINK


*I bet Troy dropped that ball.

Get Off My Team

The season is over for the Minnesota Vikings and now its time for the coaching staff evaluate each of the players and make some decisions about who should stay and who should go. As a professional know nothing I've decided to do my own evaluating. The Star Tribune has a list of all the Vikings free agents which could come in handy for those of you following along.

The first person I want off my team is TROY WILLIAMSON. I've seen blind guys with better hands than this waste of space... I'm so glad we traded the best wide receiver still playing for Williamson and Napoleon Harris cause that totally worked in our favor. Red McCombs is getting a shank in the side if I ever run into him. Robert Ferguson is a free agent and though I'm not a huge fan of Ferguson I'd rather resign him and drop Williamson and look for an actual number one receiver. Free agents to look into are Andre Davis, Bernard Berrian, that's about it since Patrick Crayton signed his contract.


Up next is Brooks Bollinger and Kelly Holcomb. I want them both gone, I want someone who can actually compete with Tarvaris Jackson for the number one spot (Quinn Gray? Cleo "Fucking" Lemon?) and I want to use a fourth - Sixth round pick on a QB. Lets draft our own Tom Brady or Tony Romo.
Dwight Smith must also leave. he can't tackle Clinton Portis, he can't keep his thing in his pants and he can't wait until the offseason to smoke copious amounts of ganja. Take note current Vikings players the off season and the comfort of your own home is the ideal place to get high. I don't care if it helps with pain, its against the law for some reason and we can't be busting players out of jail on Saturday nights so they can play the next morning. Re-sign Tank Williams and get another safety through the draft or try to pick up someone like Gibril Wilson

Ryan Cook. God Damn Retard.
Erasmus James. Play a game. 5 sacks and 30 tackles in 23 games is no good and he's played 8 games in the last two seasons. I hate the fact that Childress favors James above Ray Edwards and Brian Robinson.

People I will miss.
Meweldi Moore is almost certainly gone, but I think hes one hell of a football player who found himself in an unfavorable position.
Spencer Johnson will most likely find a new home this off season but he is the man that gives the Willaims boys breaks without anybody noticing it.

All Praise Purple Jesus

This is what I worship every Sunday. There are Six GMs banging their heads against the wall after seeing Adrian Peterson destroy one of the best defenses in the NFL. I can also think of one head coach and one starting quarterback that should bow down and thank Peterson for taking the pressure off and most likely A) prolonging Childress' head coaching career for at least a little while longer and B) allowing Jackson to develop into a starting quarterback while actually playing starting quarterback. Without Peterson, Childress may not have made it past this season with this organization and Jackson would have been given up on when the lack of offense is not entirely his fault. (I haven't even heard anyone say anything about Jackson's 9-23 day or the fact that 60 of his 139 passing yards came on one play)

I know it was only one game and the Vikings could revert to the team that we've had to endure for the last 20+ games but I really don't think that's going to happen. This team might not make the playoffs but I think they'll at least be playing for a chance at the end of the year. Before the season began I figured the team would win 4 games. We may be two and three, but we've outscored the opponent 101-90 and have never lost a game by more than a TD.

I told you... I told you that all the team needs is 24 points to win. They got 34 points. Peterson scored 18 of those by himself (with a couple blocks here and there)and is the only reason Longwell has a new career high. The former Sooner and current Bad Ass had 224 yards on the ground and 128 returning kicks. I still don't like him returning kicks. Don't get me wrong, I loved him returning the last kick and Childress made the right decision but that is the only scenario where Peterson should be returning kicks.

Even the game plan was better this week. The passing game may not have worked so well but we stretched the field early and on more than one occasion, though it only actually worked once (Thanks for finally using that glue I sent you Stonehands). The team also tried play action a couple of times. Its too bad we can't get 200 yards out of Peterson every game to allow the passing game more time get itself together. I'd still like Sidney Rice to get more looks... he only had one catch, but he laid out for it and fortified my feeling that he'll be a great receiver one day. He probably could have gotten more looks if the team made it into the redzone, but when the other team can't make it there either its not so scary to think about.

The defense did a good job for the first three quarters. Outside of Winfield falling down (which sucks, but I'm not about to complain about our best Corner and one of the hardest hitters in the NFL) the Vikings shut the bears down. The fourth quarter was a different story... I think the D hit the locker room as soon as Dwight Smith got his INT and forgot to look at the clock. This includes Smith who got a great view of Devin Hester's second TD of the day. Marcus McCauly missed a sure INT that would have saved me that anxious feeling you get when the Vikings take a game with a lead of 7 or less into its final minutes. I'd also like some more sacks.

I almost forgot... E.J. Henderson is the shit and crushed that fullback to end the half. Now go watch Osi Umenyiora and Michael Strahan rip Joey's limbs off

We’ve been duped… Bamboozled!

We’ve been sold expensive diet water. Brad Childress came to Minnesota under the guise of an offensive guru. I’ve watched 20 games led by the ‘stache and I can’t think of a single offensive outburst. How many times in the last 20 games do you think we’ve scored 24 points or more? 5… Brad Childress’ “Kick-Ass Offence” scores 24 or more points 25 percent of the time. We’re 5 for 5 in those games but first we have to get to 24. That’s 3 TDs and a field goal… not too much to ask considering the defense provides one of those touchdowns on a regular basis and tends to put the offense in good position to score most of the time.

Did you know that Visanthe Shaincoe was the leading receiver versus the Chiefs? When the tight end leads all receivers that is a bad sign. That is a combination of checkdowns and a leader who refuses to take chances. Childress’ offense is horrible, no matter what quarterback he puts out there they end up looking like Linus from peanuts sucking their thumb and grasping onto their blanket for dear life. That card he holds over his face during a game is actually only empty tick-tack-toe boards which he and Darrell Bevell fill out during the game

The team seems afraid to commit to Tarvaris Jackson and I wonder how bad his injury really is. Jackson and those receivers had better lock themselves away in the confines of Winter park and develop some sort of rapport. My suggestion is that Jackson focus on Bobby Wade and Sidney Rice. If Jackson and those receivers run routes until they’ve burned a path in the turf (ala Peyton and his guys) they might be able to find each other on game day. I don’t want to see Kelly Holcolm any more this year barring an injury… let Jackson throw his interceptions, take his hits and lose some games because he will be better for it.

I faintly remember a Vikings team that stretched the field a few years back. I know that team had Randy Moss and Daunte Culpepper, but you don’t need players of that caliber in order to stretch the field. I saw Dwayne Bowe and Damon Huard do it just the other week. I doesn’t take pro-bowl players, it takes a game plan and, maybe even more important, a willingness to deviate from the game plan when it falls apart. Look, I’m not being a delusional Homer here, I know that my team is bad but these last three losses don’t feel like they were inevitable. In each one you can point to one or two things that could have led to a win had they gone differently.

If the run game works why doesn’t the play action? If Adrian Peterson AKA Purple Jesus goes off for 100 yards in the first half why give him two carries in the second… and if you think he’s fragile because of the collarbone then why in the hell is he returning kicks? Are you going to throw to a gamecock? Why not Sidney Rice? He seems pretty good at an endzone jump ball and if I remember correctly that was his bread and butter in South Carolina.

I’ve got a great idea for you- lets put Troy Williamson at Cornerback… that way we won’t get burned by whoever Cedric Griffin is covering and it a plus when Williamson catches the ball instead of a prayer answered. Any one of these suggestions would be helpful if it were not for Childress. Childress is Mchale’s love of Boston and inking big deals for mediocre players. Childress is Carl Pohlad’s billions of dollars never to be spent on the Twins. In a nutshell Childress is Minnesota sports. Expect him to be around for far too long.

Brad Childress says we'll get to see this guy starting tomorrow.

These are highlights from Troy Williamson's time at South Carolina. As you all know Vikings training camp starts tomorrow and somehow Williamson has become the veteran receiver with all of the experience. Nike claims to have fixed old Stonehand's eyes (They make shoes for that?) This is yet to be determined. Also yet to be determined are the contracts of fellow Gamecock and receiver Sidney Rice and most importantly Oklahoma running back Adrian Peterson.

The Pessimist in me says that a young and unproven receiving core and quarterback position can only bring us 4 wins. The optimist says that the tandem of Peterson and Chester Taylor will destroy D-lines and the defense will be just as good if not better to get us to .500. Hopefully Cedric Griffin can keep his pants on and build upon a very solid rookie year and Marcus McCauley (who just signed his contract) can some how magically defend the pass with some help From Erasmus James and Kenechi Udezi (for God's sakes).

This team won't win the division and a wild card berth is almost as laughable. We're going to win 6 games on the strength of our run stopping and ground game and maybe we'll see a few bright spots. I'm just hoping that this new version of the Kick-ass offense can get a couple of touchdowns through the air and let me watch my team into the 4th quarter.

Antoino Gates ain’t got S**t in the Vikes new Signee

And when I say that I mean former basketball turned wide receiver. I cannot wait to run out and buy my Todd Lowber Jersey! The former track and basketball star weighs in at 205 and stands 6-3 while running 4.3 in the 40-yard dash. The problem is that I’m 5-6 and 160 soaking wet, but am as accomplished as him on the football field… oh and his mentor will be Troy “Hands” Williamson. F@#k it… lets take a punter with the 7^th pick this year!

We signed this dude to a 3-year contract! Is there no such thing as a training camp contract? The Twins got Ponson on a Minor league contract; a dude with no experience should not be able to ink a 3-year deal like this. His agent said that there were other teams interested in Lowber, but he’d say that he were the emperor of China if it helped get this contract. Lowber played all 4 season of basketball at Ramapo College and won the D3 men’s high jump in ’06. Mr. Lowber averaged 12.4 pts and 5.2 rebs in his final college season. I watched Devon George play at Augsburg before he went to the NBA- a DIII player with “freakish talent” should average more than that on the court.

The Vikes are going to need a bucket of glue a la THE REPLACEMENTS if they want to pass the ball at all this season. I’m not so sure they’ll even attempt a pass after watching Chili’s “kick ass” offense tear up the field last year. It would be great if this worked out some how, but we are the Minnesota Vikings. I’m almost used to this sort of thing… at least they got a lot of valuable players when they got rid of Moss and Culpepper, right? Right?

My hopes for a 6-win season just got shot to shit. Thank you, oh wise ones for bestowing upon us such a great talent. We are blessed

Guess what these are.

Do you know what these two rocks represent. They're Troy Williamson's hands. The Vikings think it is something completely different. According to the awesome Pioneer Press today the Vikings have had Troy's eyes tested very meticulously, here is what they have to say:

"Vikings wideout Troy Williamson recently went to Nike's headquarters in Oregon to get his eyes looked at. Apparently he was subjected to a number of tests that checked out his hand-eye coordination, the strength of each eye, how well he sees in different lighting and how he judged balls coming at him from different angles. "The Vikings went above and beyond the call of duty," Williamson's agent told the Pioneer Press. "This shows how supportive the team is of Troy. This is not the normal eye doctor you would deal with. This is all encompassing."

I truly wonder what Chili's reaction to these results are going to be. I imagine it like somewhat this:

"Well Chili, his eyes seem to be fine, but we found something that we here at Nike think your team has overlooked." Says Dr. Knowall. "Troy here is not a football player, he's a track star. We feel that it is in the best interest of your team to let him go and find another wide reciever."
"Well Dr. Knowall," says Chili as he storms out of the Nike headquarters, "you seem to be the one missing something, this receiver is one KICK ASS receiver and he's going to be better then anything you could find in the NFL."

When Nike tells the Vikings that it's not his eyes, what do the Vikings do?? I'm pretty sure you can't teach "hands." So we will see, maybe they'll find some other big name receivers to fill the position.