I think I'm gonna do it

You can ask any of my friends and they'll all tell you I'm not a betting man. In the last year I've put money on exactly one sports bet that I'm currently winning, the under on the Wolves winning 30, but I think its time to make another, much riskier bet. I know I’m a twins fan and I’m probably being a homer, but I’m putting 20 bucks on them to win the world series now. On March 1st.

I look at it this way. This team made it to the playoffs last year. Yeah, just a one game series, but it was bonus baseball. Hear me out on this one. When I say this team I mean THIS team. Same rotation, same outfield plus a healthy Cuddy and same infield plus Joe Crede. You can say his back will give. I will argue that the contract gives the Twins incentive to drop him early. Something they didn’t do with previous veterans who didn’t belong. If his back gives we just go back to the platoon, if not we got a guy who was once an all-star, once a silver slugger and a good fielder.

And this rotation? Now they have an entire season under their belts. Now they won’t be intimidated or caught off guard and we get a full season of Liriano. If Liriano had gotten 2 more of Hernandez’ starts last season we would have beat the White Sox outright and gone up against a clone in the Devil Rays... It would have been interested. Now the whole team is back plus one and a specialty role or two.

The only thing that makes me weary is the bullpen. It could use a shot in the arm (rimshot). Somebody is going to have to step up with Neshek out once again. Mijares could be the guy to step up, but that could just as easily go south. My feeling is that if we can't get someone to step up in the bullpen we'll still be in a good despite the weakness and come trade time we'll find ourselves in the perfect position to pick up that big name reliever for once instead of stand idly by.

This team really could turn into a steam roller and it would be so poetic to do it in the final season at the dome with a hometown kid as the hero and a team made almost entirely out of the farm system just after their owner has died. It would be beautiful and I think it could happen.

Me thinks Craig Monroe should maybably has pinks bats all of the times

(and other strange Twins observations)

On Mother's day Craig Monroe hit two home runs and was the major reason the Twins won that game. He doubled his home run production for the year in a single game and pulled himself into a tie for the second most home runs on the team. Thats not a good sign, but this team has been scoring more as of late so I'm just going to hope that the team heats up soon.

Adam Everett has more home runs than Mauer and Delmon Young combined. Adam Everett has 36 home runs in nearly 2200 at bats. I think maybe Mauer spent too much time getting pointers from Jason Tyner last year. Young is the more troubling of the two, he was supposed to be a power hitter and an all-star in the making. He claims hes a slow starter but its pretty hard to label yourself something like that when you're 22 years old. Twinkie Town has a good little piece about Young and some stats that kind of scare me.

Mike Lamb has been a thorn in my side for the majority of the season so far, but this weekend he has two two-out, two RBI hits. Hopefully this trend continues.

Pat Neshek being out for the season scares the shit out of me.

After tonight's win Livan Hernandez is 6-1. I hope we finally picked up a cheap veteran pitcher who won't be gone from the team by the all-star break.

I feel horrible for waiting this long to mention it but I was extremely excited about Carlos Gomez' cycle. Gomez flashes brilliance far more often than I expected already; he's tied for the A.L. lead in steals, covers a lot of ground in the outfield and is doing a decent job at the plate. I'm probably going to hold off for a while longer but I'm strongly considering purchasing a Go-Gomez jersey. Thats a big deal because I tend to be bad at consuming things.

Something good finally happens to the Twins

Justin Morneau and Micheal Cuddayer have signed long term deals with the Twins ensuring that we will not have another Hunter/Santana debacle on our hands. Morneau's contract is said to be 6 years long and worth about $80 million while Cuddayer's is 3 years and about $23 million. I think I would have liked them to put another year on Cuddy's contract, but if they move him to center like Gardy (bat-shit crazily) said might happen three years would probably be a better deal for the team to have the 4th year option.

I am really starting to like Bill Smith as the general manager of this team. I don't know about his ability to get the prospects in trades that Terry Ryan always seemed to find but he was willing to trade pitching for batting and now he's signed two very good baseball players to contracts before they got a whiff of free agency. Terry Ryan would be sitting with his thumb up his ass going over the Johan trade offers with a fine toothed comb and too busy to ensure that two of the best players on the club stay here in Minnesota.

Now all Smith has to do to pull off the trifecta of GM brilliance is get the Mets, Red Sox and Yankees back into a bidding war. Get me Lester and Elsbury. Get me Hughs, Kennedy and Cabrerra. Get me a couple players from the Mets that Terry Ryan approves of. Honestly I have no clue about any of the players being offered by the Mets and that scares me, but I didn't know who Joe Nathan, Boof Bonser and Fransisco Liriano were when I was unsure about making Mauer the every day starter (still not sure about how that will play out).

The Star Tribune told me about the contracts.

The Legend of Dr. Mourneau

When Justin Morneau hit his walk-off home run last night, his 20^th of the season, it got me thinking about the Twins best power hitter since Harmon Killebrew. Through 67 games has 257 at bats, 48 runs, 72 hits, 20 home runs (3 are walk-offs) 54 RBIs, 30 base on balls, 39 strike outs and a .280 bating average. Little is known about the Canadian first baseman except that he won the MVP last year and loves and played hockey as a child. Because the Twins first baseman grew up in Canada and plays in Minnesota there is little media coverage and even less in terms of background information. The following, this legend of Dr. Morneau, was obtained through interviews with a friend of a friend of a guy who used to know a dude who played pee-wees with Morneau, the chick who dated Joe Mauer in 4^th grade and recently had a phone conversation with him and the oldest and drunkest man we could find in New Westminster, British Columbia.

Legend has it Dr. Morneau was born with a bat in one hand and a hockey stick in the other, this lead to a 43 hour delivery from his mother who immediately returned to catch her co-ed softball game in time to hit a walk-off grand slam of her own. Morneau’s godfather, Paul Bunyan, attempted to play outfield against a 4 year-old Morneau; The pair used Mount Seymour as the outfield fence, but Bunyan continually fell into Buntzen lake and eventually gave up citing “bad knees.” By the time he was 11 he was playing on the High School baseball team. His most notorious play came at the plate against Fraser Valley Christian High School when he sent the catcher into the 5th row. He was declared safe.

At the age of 15 Morneau had a very eventful camping trip in which he single-handedly hunted down the entire Bigfoot population in the area using only a Swiss army knife and gumption. Earlier in the day he arm-wrestled a Grizzly Bear to a tie. When asked about the tie Morneau said that he would have ripped the bear’s arm off, but he holds a special spot in his heart for the beasts. Also the bear’s wife was in the crowd and he felt no need to embarrass the Grizzly more than he already had.

As a Pee Wee hockey player the first baseman preferred to play sans helmet and take puck shots to the face prior to games to get “psyched-up.” Twins fans may have been surprised when Morneau continued playing with a broken nose but Canadians simply said, ” Yeah, that’s Morneau for ya, Eh.” On a side note Morneau’s great grandfather invented the word “Eh.” The origin came from the grandfather attempting to fight and hit on the slugger’s great grandmother simultaneously. He happened to be ending sentences as his foe landed kidney shots.

Recently Morneau lobbied the MLB rules committee to allow him to carry Lew Ford and Nick Punto on his shoulders as he batted and ran bases. He figured that if he crossed home plate with the two on his shoulders he would score 3 runs automatically instead of having to wait for the two to get on base themselves. In an effort to get his rule passed he offered to rip Barry Bonds’ eyes out. Hank Aaron appreciated the offer, but Bud Selig said that the police would most likely have to get involved. Finally, there is much commotion about Morneau’s daily routine of a Jimmy John’s sub prior to each game. What is not as widely known is that the first baseman washes down the sandwich with an authentic Major league baseball eaten like an apple. Morneau says it helps with his “intestinal fortitude.” Morneau recently received an honorary doctorate in ball crushing from the University of Vancouver... Hence the title Dr. Morneau.

Why no A.J.?

A.J. Pierzynski didn’t play in the final game of the Twins/ White Sox series today and we here at SPK decided some detective work was necessary. After a few calls and a bribery consisting solely of White Castle’s flavored chicken rings we were able to obtain a transcript of the conversation between Ozzie Guillen and A.J. prior to the game. Enjoy.

Ozzie: (yelling from his office) A.J., ged ing here! Joo god some ‘splaining to do.

A.J. : (enters the room with a wrestling belt around his shoulder) What’s up Oz?

Ozzie: I ayng Berry mad at joo A.J. Why joo godda spikey da NVP’s foot ayng make ada Twings bats work? No es bueno A.J.

A.J.: I don’t know what you’re talking about Oz. I’m a perfect angel and an all-star caliber catcher.

Ozzie: No, joo is mine least favoritest player ayng I hab hated hated joo frong day one.

A.J.: that kinda harsh Oz, I thought you said you liked me.

Ozzie: No, I tell dat (censored) Mariotti ang da media dat we hates joo less causen joos ong da team. Day god 40 hits ing two ganes, A.J. Joo pisses dem off ayng den joo calls a bad gane? Day gonna bean joo for chure if I puts joo out dare today.

A.J.: Come on Oz! I was thinking of sliding into Castillo to try and mess up his knees again today!

Ozzie: Das bad beisbol A.J. joo godda learn dat joo cang jus do dat.

A.J. What if I got Redmond to punch me in the face? Is that bad baseball?

Ozzie: I hate joo A.J.

A.J.: But he’s going to punch me.

Ozzie I’n gonna pun joo ing da face. I wich we coo ged songting in a trade for joo like da Twings. Joo godda sit today, I ayng playing Toby.

A.J.: that’s bullshit Oz, I’m gonna call up all the talk radio in Chicago.

Ozzie: goo, I’n don give a sheet, call de Springer too. Ged oudda her, I godda ting of a nicknangs for de new Twings pitchers.

The twins swept the Sucks today in fantastic fashion. I fell asleep when it was 4-6 and woke up when it was 7-6. A.J. wasn't on the field and the Twins didn't need Redmond's .320 Batting average or Castillo's .334 average. Thats 7/8 games, 47 hits in this last series and a good feeling about my favorite baseball team. When Mauer and Rondell White get back I have a feeling we'll bring it to the rest of the A.L. Central.

My first game at the Dome (this year)

Before I get onto baseball, I know we said that we would be doing a live-blog of every Wild game until the end of the season, but I ended up going to the Metrodome to watch the Twins beat Baltimore. The Wild ended up winning their game 3-0 so it’s probably better that I didn’t watch… Like I said before I never seem to see a goal scored and that is doubly true for a Wild goal. In other Minnesota sports news the T-wolves lost to King James and his Jesters. I’m done with this team, maybe for good if they come back next season with the same roster. I pledge that my only Timberwolves related post from here until the draft will be an attempt at another interview with Bracey Wright to ask him what he thinks of his new team’s potential and some real dirt on his former T-wolves teammates.

This game was not quite as exciting as the opener, but none-the-less a victory is always a better game to watch than a loss. The varying play of the two nights shows the range that this team has and that they can play on the defensive weaknesses of their opponents no matter who they are. Yesterday when the Twins started the scoring off with back-to-back HRs, today it was Melvin Mora’s light up the scoreboard with a homerun. Boof had a tough inning, by the time the 3^rd was over his pitch count was in the mid-fifties and the Twins were down by 2.

The Twins played an NL type of game last night- they stole bases and advanced runners just like Ozzie has always claimed to do. We stole 5 bases, Mauer stole one and Tyner had an extremely embarrassing stolen base… the only thing more embarrassing than him coming up a good 5 feet short of the base was the fact that he managed to get to it without being tagged. To add insult to injury Tyner came home as the winning run moments later. If I ever get a hold of the video I’ll make sure to post it, it’s amazing. He should probably ask Troy Williamson about that Nike sight thing; there has to be something wrong with his depth perception.

A few things that I noticed: Castillo already has 3 infield hits, Morneau is batting around .675, and Cuddayer is having trouble warming his bat up. I see no problem with Cuddayer yet because it is only the second game, but it’s the same way with Boof (and I’ll elaborate in a second). If the problem persists I’ll have to shit a brick, because last year was Cuddy’s breakout year and could easily be the career year, too.

As for Boof, the youngest member of the starting rotation threw way too many pitches in his first outing. He did, however, retire 10 of the last 11 batters and recover from that bad 3^rd inning. I bought cheap tickets to the game and as a consequence had to listen to someone from Baltimore root for their team, but in a way it was enlightening. I now understand why so many people have us picked to take 4^th in the division after winning it last year. The Orioles’ remarked that the Twins would do badly this year because behind Johan there was no solid starter- correct. What he failed to understand was that the bullpen is as good as a 2^nd and 3^rd solid starter… and they play every night. Boof gave us some quality innings, and handed over a tie game. One run later we had a win.

I’m kind of glad that everyone can overlook a team that can play ball in more than one way, has the best bullpen, a ton of prospects waiting in the wings if the starters falter, won the division 4 out of the last 5 years and has the reigning Cy young, MVP and batting champ.

I love baseball season.

They all laughed

Back in 2001 when the Twins took a high school kid from Minnesota as the number one overall draft pick people in the baseball world gave a little chuckle. They said that the Twins were looking for the hometown discount and missed out on a pitcher by the name of Mark Prior. Six years later the Twins’ Terry Ryan gives one of those evil genius laughs every time Prior’s name is uttered. ESPN is now saying that Prior will mast likely start the season in the minors after posting an 0-2 record with a 9.82 ERA. I think I may be in love with Terry Ryan.

Prior had one good season going 18-6 and spent pretty much the rest of his career on the DL. Chairman Mauer only became the second youngest player to win the batting title and the first ever catcher out of the AL to take it. I don’t foresee Prior winning the Cy young any time soon and I sure as hell don’t see him breaking 150 wins. Mauer, who is 2 years younger than the Cub’s pitcher, has a few batting titles left in him and his main competition may just be his good friend Justin Morneau. People can argue that he had knee problems and just had a minor leg injury… I say F that. We can put Mauer in the outfield or as the DH if problems persist. Try teaching Prior how to field and hit, Piniella.

When asked about Prior starting the season in the minors Terry Ryan offered this, “Prior? Minors? Meh, Heh, Hah, Hoo!”

Beisbol!!!

I’m totally stoked that pitchers and catchers report to spring training next week. Finally there is something worth watching and I don’t have to bite my fingernails in agony as the Wolves wait until the last second to beat a team with a 17 game losing streak. Even better, we locked down The Chairman (Mauer) for the next 4 years. I don’t want to put any pressure on my favorite team in the whole wide world but we should probably think about wining the World Series this year. Everybody and their mom knows that Torii Hunter and Johan Santana will be playing in New York or Boston as soon as the Twins decide not to shell out the cash.

The Twins have signed Nick Punto to a 2-year deal and Lew Ford, Juan Rincon and Justin Morneau to one-year deals. The only player still on his way to an arbitration hearing in Michael Cuddayer and I hope to god they sign him up for at least 2 years. If I were Terry Ryan I’d be trying to extend Morneau’s contract and con Johan into extending his contract. Do whatever it takes to get a couple more years out of the greatest pitcher to put on a Twins uniform send a hundred fire trucks to Venezuela if that’s what it takes. Still, this season we’ll have the lineup that should have been together from the beginning of last year. Punto and Bartlett will take the left side of the field, Cuddayer should take right field if all goes well and if Gardy and I have anything in common he’ll throw Jason Tyner in left field. I don’t care if he can’t hit a home run, that dude can catch anything and throw the ball a mile. I think I just creamed my pants a little bit thinking about baseball starting.