Vikings now convinced that Erasmus James sucks too

The Vikings waived Erasmus James today. This makes myself and about 5 million others very happy. I didn't want Brian Robison and Ray Edwards losing playing time because James was once a first round pick and the team thought he'd be fully recovered one day. Maybe he can con Mike Tice into clearing a spot on the Jags roster for him right next to our OTHER first round draft pick from 2005.

Lets review... the pro-bowlers we could have selected instead of Williamson are Shawne Merriman, Jammal Brown or Demarcus Ware. We also could have selected Mark Clayton or Reggie Brown if you want to stick with Wide Receivers. The pro-bowlers we could have selected instead of James are Logan Mankins, Lofa Tatupu, Justin Miller, Frank Gore, Marrion Barber the III (home town!), Trent Cole (DE!) or Derrick Anderson. I also would have much rather had Justin Tuck, who will shortly become a pro-bowler as my Defensive End.

I understand that hindsight is 20/20 but this just helps underline the previous administration's ineptitude. Head over to the Daily Norseman to look at the list of all the Vikings drafted in 2005 and their lack lack of starting jobs. Having Cole/Tuck and Clayton/Brown instead of Erasmus James and Troy Williamson would have been way better. At least the new administration has given us hope for this and future vikings draft classes after only two drafts.

Dat Defense is D-D-D-Dangerous

The Vikings have acquired Jared Allen from the Chiefs for what appears to be a hefty price, though Allen will almost definatly prove his worth alongside the Williams boys. According to Jay Glazer, who at this moment is the only member of the media giving actual figures, the Vikings will give up their 1st (17th overall) and both of their 3rd round picks (73rd and 82nd). Glazer also says that Allen's new contract will make him the highest paid defensive player in the league.

The deal is for six years and just under $74 million, including a stunning $31,000,069 guaranteed — 69 is his jersey number.

Allen has a red flag on his record for having 2 DWIs but the Vikings say they've taken a long hard look into his background and believe him when he says that he hasn't had a drop to drink in over a year. He does, however, still own Jared Allen's Sports Arena and Grill. You need to look at that link, the man serves "Jared Juice" consisting of fruit punch and EVERCLEAR and the motto is "Wine 'em, Dine 'em and 69 'em." Classy, Mr. Allen

The Vikings are left with the 47th overall pick (Secondary?), the 117th pick (4th round, QB?), the 150th pick (5th round, no clue) switched picks in the 6th round giving us the 170th (if that info is incorrect we draft 182) 193rd (Thanks for that Tice), 209 in the 7th round for trading Adam Goldberg to the Rams. Its strange to thing that only 16 spots make up the difference in talent level between Troy Williamson and Adam Goldberg. Here is a look at where every team picks as of 3 days ago.

As most of you know Allen lead the league in sacks last year with 15.5 and has averaged over 10 a year in his 4 years as a professional. This spot was a definate need after Kenechi Udezi was diagnosed with leukemia. It was already fairly weak considering Erasmus James' knee problems. Ray Edwards will most likely start opposite Allen with Brian Robison and James filling. Edwards and Robison combined for 9.5 sacks last year and with the Williams wall and Allen commanding the line I expect that number to increase... they only have 3 years experience between the two of them.

We've got six picks left, filled in the gaping hole that will make our passing D much better than before, and the sickest runner to hit the NFL in many, many years. God, L.A. is going to love this team.

SlamBall Is The Shit

And its coming back thanks to Pat Croce and the original creators. Spike needs to pick this back up... I'm sure your audience can do with one less hour of "That 70's Show" or "CSI: whatever city you happen to be in."

Slamball gives hope to people my size to happen to not be afraid of trampolines or physical violence on a basketball court. I happen to not be a member of either group, but back in 9th grade before the trampoline/basketball court incident I might have been encouraged to pursue this sport.

The Twins roster is basically set

The Twins signed Joe Nathan to a 4 year $47 million contract with a club option for a 5th year. I'm in favor of this even though I know its kind of controversial considering the Santana trade and letting Torii Hunter walk. We got Nathan at a major discount and his no-trade clause only allows for him to select 3 teams that he does not want to play for. That means we can keep him for all four years if our starting pitching surprises us and the line-up lives up to it's potential in the batters box or we can turn Neshek or someone else into our closer and get something very good in return for an all-star caliber closer with a discounted contract.

It looks like Carlos Gomez will be our center fielder on opening day. If nothing else we'll get some interesting quotes on a daily basis from the young Dominican. If he can figure out how to put the bat on the ball on a regular basis and not get overly excited on defense this move will be worth it. Hopefully he'll figure out the names of "the catcher and that other guy."

There were no other surprises in the starting lineup. Mauer will bat second and play catcher, Cuddyer will take right and hit third, Morneau will bat 4th and play first, Delmon Young will take Torii Hunters spot in the order and play left field, Kubel will DH in 6th, Mike Lamb will play third and bat 7th, Brendan Harris will play second and bat 8th and Adam Everett will play short and bat last.

Matt Tolbert staying with the team didn't make sense to me until I read in the Pioneer Press that Gardy feel comfortable plugging him into 7 of the nine positions on the field. Craig Monroe, Mike Redmond and Little Nicky Punto will ride the pine with Tolbert until their numbers get called.

Livan Hernandez, Boof Bonser and Kevin Slowey are locks for starting pitching and the other two spots seem destined for Scott Baker and Fransisco Liriano. The only thing that makes Baker questionable is his injury earlier this spring and a flu that just won't go away. The rumor was that Liriano would start the season in AAA, but after throwing a no hitter through 4 innings against Baltimore he may go north with the team. Baker's absence means that Nick Blackburn will most likely take the final starting role and Brian Bass will play long reliever. Hometown kid Glen Perkins didn't make the team, but he'll surely make his way to Minneapolis when the injuries begin.

Mewelde Moore to Teach Ben Roethlisberger How to Count

Former Vikings running back Mewelde Moore has agreed to a 3 year $4.95 million deal with the Pittsburg Steelers. Moore will backup "Fast" Willie Parker and Najeh Davenport, but will most likely see more time on the field than if he had stayed with the Vikings. I'm sure that Mike Tomlin was in the ear of the Steelers' GM telling him what a steal Moore is. I've always liked Mewelde and feel kind of bad that he was unable to get a larger role with the Vikings, though I obviously prefer Adrian Peterson and Chester Taylor.

The Steelers also made Ben Rothlisbeger the highest paid player in team history with an 8 year $102 million contract extension. When asked for comment on the contract Rothlisberger replied, "Der... I like turtles."

Other Former Vikings who have found a new home include Spencer Johnson who is moving to Buffalo and Dontarrious Thomas who is now a member of the 49ers.

Theo Ratliff has Flown the Coup

The Wolves have waived Theo Ratliff. According to The Detroit News he'll be picked up by the Detroit Pistons and have an opportunity to get his ring before his ever looming retirement. Unfortunately for Antoine Walker, it was not Antoine Walker who was given his walking papers. Walker is also having trouble understanding that you don't need a passport to enter Ohio.

This was bound to happen knowing that Ratliff was in the last year of his huge contract and would be holding back the development of Chris Richards in terms of actual game play over the last 30 games of the season. It would be silly to expect that Richards end up as the starting center, and I'm pulling for out lottery pick to be a center* so we can move Big Al to power forward, but its good to get him into the game more.

Best of luck to Ratliff in his quest for a championship and thanks for opening up that gaping hole in our cap space. TWolves Blog is the best place to find out more on the deal.

*unless Derrick Rose is available

This Man has Balls of Steel

Wachovia, Brinks and The FBI will never live down a robbery for so much money that happened on Pennsylvania Avenue. This is D.B. Cooper type shit!

If this dude ends up in jail he will automatically be made king of the miscreants. They will bow to him and throw cigarettes at his feet. He will have the power to stop and start riots with the snap of his fingers.

He will be carried from place to place by the lesser criminals and they will ask his advice about various acts of villainy. Nasty Nate will give him his cocktail fruit, and squirrel master will gladly run security for the man.

The FBI will probably hire him to think of other innovative ways to rob a bank in order to not be shamed this way in the future.

If only I could get away with something so glorious.

I Want 10 Million to Not Play Basketball

Obviously T-Hud took my advice and accepted the buyout from the Timberwolves. He'll probably end up as a Celtic since they'll be needing a backup point guard and he a Garnett are good friends. I bet Danny Ainge won't offer Hudson 30 million dollars. I bet the Celtics get him for 1-2 million per season and I'm sure that will be fine considering he already has about 10 million bones in his back pocket and will be joining a newly made elite eastern division team.

He should not, however, take the second part of my advice. It seems that hip hop aficionados are not exactly feeling Undrafted. Even if Hudson can make a dollar off of each CD sold, which would be a deal only the Kevin McHale of the recording industry would make, he would still only pull in about 78 bucks a week. I guess that Carbondale won't become the new rap capitol of the world anytime soon. Below is an Excerpt from his Myspace page-

An avid music writer, Troy also has written over two thousand original songs in his music career. In 2004, Troy formed NuttyBoyz Entertainment Group, which has evolved into Troy E. Hudson Enterprises, with Troy at the helm as Chief Executive Officer. Featuring a full range of music labels and production capabilities, Hudson Records and NuttyBoyz Records began actively recording and publishing music in 2005 at his newly built Hudson Studios, a private set of state-of-the-art music studios located in North Minneapolis.

It also says that he is "an outstanding guard known for his quickness, Solid defense and accurate shooting" - that is not the back-up's back-up that I know. On the plus side you could win a $50,000 chain through the myspace page. Seeing as the album was suck a big seller in its first week I'm guessing you odds are way better trying to win the chain than they are with a scratch off worth the same.

Man is he lucky that he got this whole not playing basketball career to fall back on.

Adrian Peterson Has More Money Than Me

The former Sooner running back and the Minnesota Vikings have agreed to terms on 6 year contract that could pay up to 40 million and guarantees 17 million. He managed to miss five practices in three days, but seeing as the Vikings have one of the more grueling camps and there are still a few concerns about Peterson’s collarbone I think everything will be just fine. Plus the world already knows that the purple people eaters won’t have a playoff bound team anyway.

The rookie running back and Chester Taylor should alleviate some pressure from Tarvaris Jackson’s first full year as our quarterback. I’d like to think of this upcoming season as one year-long lesson for Jackson, Peterson, Chad Greenway (who never played a regular season game) and the talk of training camp, Marcus McCauley. Hopefully they acquaint themselves with the league, make their mistakes, make their mark and come back the following year with a fire and couple nice additions from next year’s draft. All I can hope for is a glimpse of what the future might hold. I feel like I’ve needed to say that with all of the Minnesota teams since I was about, oh… 8. I’m getting sick of this, but Peterson feels like his name could be up there with Barry Sanders, Walter Peyton, Jim Brown and Ladanian Tomlinson by the time his career is over.

Hopefully the Vikings will be able to build a team around this young core of players, especially Peterson, and not waste talent. Will the Vikings front office have the foresight to build their team through the draft and only sign quality veterans to contracts that they actually deserve? Lord knows Kevin McHale didn’t do that for the Timber wolves and KG. I find it interesting that on the day that one sports star arrives to begin his career in Minnesota another has most likely seen his last day playing for his team.

Congratulations on your new contract Adrian. Now go earn it.

Next Time I Run Into Paul McCartney He’s Getting a Punch in the Nose.

I don’t care if the man was in one of the most important and influential bands ever. I don’t care that he is 64. I don’t care that he has been knighted or that he probably has an entourage about the size of my hometown. I’m going to walk up to him in the men’s bathroom a la HUSTLE & FLOW and make him pay, but I’m not going to try and give him my music because I don’t force other people to listen to shitty music.

Why am I going to do this? Good question.

I work for Starbucks and he recently singed a deal with their Hear Music label. When he released an album on June 5^th Starbucks thought it would be a good idea to force everybody who wanted a cup of Joe to listen to the new album… and only that album. They called it a “Global Listening Event”. I call it terrorism. I worked for seven hours and that CD has all of 13 short songs on it. I listen to the album about 8 times that day before attempting to pour scalding milk into my ears to dull the pain. The man plays Ukulele, yodels and whistles (horribly) on his newest album and I think all of that stuff sucks. A lot.

I hear those shitty songs every time I work. When I go home to shower and get rid of the yucky feeling Sir Paul has left me with I usually sit down and veg out in front of the TV for a while. Now I’m being bombarded with ITunes commercials featuring a 60 some year-old man in sneakers skipping and whistling. Dammit, Paul! Go away. I hope that one legged wife of yours robs you blind. Please watch the video at your own risk.

Get ready to bleed old man.

LUNCH BREAK: A Phenom's First Start

In an attempt to woo all five of you who read this thing back after a week off we've done much Sherlock Holmsery in order to give the the best stuff that the internets has to offer. Most of it is baseball related, but Labron and a few other subjects could not be denied their rightful place in our laziest of tags. P.S. Stop making fun of my photoshop asshole.

Kevin Slowey makes his debut tonight. If you’ve been hiding under a rock La Velle E. Neil III can bring you up to speed on the phenomenal rookie.

Were super late on this one, but farewell Batgirl… We’ll see you when the kid is older.

Yesterday I wrote about the new Judd Apatow film KNOCKED UP and I stated in the past that I thought “Arrested Development” was pure genius. Today KSK showed me that the two worlds collided for one brief and beautiful moment.

Hey Kevin, can I borrow 5 dollars?

Losers, Geeks, Dorks and Freaks unite!

The Twins Junkie (and Patrick Reusse) praise Terry Ryan for opting to keep Matt Guerrier instead of “The Real Deal” J.D. Durbin.

MN Game Day has a solution for the third base problem.

Jeff Grayson has a point and I tried to argue the same thing with a friend last week to no avail… I’m gonna call that bastard up and ask him what he thought of Labron’s performance last night. Even people from Detroit acknowledged his greatness.

Brewers fans have funny way of celebrating a winning team.

The taxpayers pick up the tab for the stadium so Pohlad can use his money on a building across the street… so we can give him more money. I have a feeling that 2.8 billion dollars could easily buy us an MVP, an all-star closer, a 2 time Cy Young winner, and the best centerfielder since Kirby Puckett and Cuddy, the most under appreciated outfielder outside of Minnesota.

Read this before you go to the casino tonight.