All-Star Un-Weekend is Upon Us.

No matter what the sport there is always a stigma attached to All-star games. The Superstars never want to play, everybody thinks their guy deserved a spot and didn’t get it (*cough * Pat Neshek * cough*) and the games usually aren’t too defensive. Baseball has tried to remedy this problem after the debacle in 2002 at Bud’s own stadium, but all that has resulted from that mess was AL home field advantage in the world series for, oh… say the next quarter century. Of course, that doesn’t bother me with the Twins in the AL, all Pohlad has to do is spend some $ ching $ and keep Torii, Johan, Nathan, Cuddy and Morneau to long-term deals. I know he’ll never pay them all because owners are assholes but I can dream, dammit.

Anyway, tonight Dr. Morneau is gonna be crushing the long ball in the Home Run Derby. If I know my Morneau correctly he’ll be adding to his legend by becoming the first player ever to kill another when he accidentally knocks Eric Byrnes unconscious and he slips off his Kayak into McCovey Cove. I also wouldn't mind if he did the same to Kenny Mayne. The good doctor will have fellow Canuck and baseball smasher Larry Walker lobbing gopher balls in his general direction. Did he slight Scotty Ullger and Joe Vavra with his decision? Possibly, but putting two Canadians together in a lax environment and micing them can only lead to great sound bites. I’m probably going to petition to get a second Canadian into the NBA so we can listen to Nash say “Eh.”

Like I mentioned the other day Johan Santana, Torii Hunter and Justin Morneau will be playing in the big game, and like I didn’t mention Ron Gardenhire is one of the coaches on Jim Leyland’s squad. I hope Torii measured Barry Bonds’ head when the future home run king picked him up back in 2002 so that we can settle this steroid business. Oh yeah, and if you wanted to go the game but couldn’t scrape enough change together out of the ashtray some dentist managed to get permission from MLB to wear a silly-ass hat on his head with a camera so you can feel like you’re at the ball park. Drunken, obnoxious asshole blocking your view included!