Butts to do 3 years for TP

I was on my way to work yesterday and listening to MPR like usual when an off the wall story came screaming out of the radio, bounced around my skull for a tick or two and came to a screeching halt. In Marshalltown Iowa a woman by the name of Suzanne Marie Butts has been charged with stealing toilet paper out of the local courthouse (this is going to NOTY for sure). The 38 year old woman was caught brown handed with 3 rolls by an employee last week and now faces three years in prison.

On Friday (the 8^th, I’m guessing) Butts was charged with stealing $30 from a family member. The $30 was Butts’ 3^rd theft charge and the plundered toilet paper was her fourth making her eligible for conviction under the state’s habitual offender law. That is one year per single ply bottom shelf sandpaper make your ass bleed government TP roll. When the authorities caught up with her in the parking lot she attempted to hide them under her shirt. Wow, ain’t that some shit?

Pic from GastroGirl.