In Theaters Tomorrow???

As I said earlier this week LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD is opening tomorrow (Wed. June 27^th) So I figured that I’d give it it’s own special write to go along with the special place I hold in my heart for Bruce Willis films. He is the only 80’s action hero that I accept as an actual actor. Stalone and Shwartzenegger? They have two things in common: steroids and mumbling. At least Arnold is from a different country, Sly. Segal? You’re not Native American dude! And stop hanging out with rappers, I have more street cred than you. Van Damme? I’m a little uncomfortable with a man who does the splits and has a French accent. Chuck Norris? We don’t talk bad about Chuck Norris; he puts the “laughter” in “manslaughter.”

Bruce Willis doesn’t exactly have range, but compared to the others he is Johnny freakin Depp or Philip Seymour Hoffman. I like that he takes bit parts in comedies, or other films that allow him to experiment more. Willis chooses main characters that don’t stray too far from who he actually is. I’m not saying that Willis runs around blowing shit up on a daily basis but he seems like a surly, cocky, fun guy to hang out with. John McClane is my all-time favorite action hero because he doesn’t quite fit the bill. He’s an alcoholic who smokes and swears and curses god for making him get up that day to annihilate and entire group of German bad guys or in the latest film’s case an internet based terrorist group.

I pretty sure that description of the terrorist group was the closest thing we’ll need to a plot description. They try to shut down banks or power grids or something along those lines and McClane blows shit up and says “Yippie Kay Yay, Motherfucker” (which is way better than those cheesy action lines that usually involve some stupid pun). Justin Long (WAITING…, DODGEBALL) plays a friendly hacker who McClane has to transport from one end of Manhatten to the other when the mayhem begins. Kevin Smith is in the film too, and his character’s name is Warlock so I’m guessing that he is some sort of hacker as well. Deadwood’s Timothy Olyphant plays the bad guy, which I don’t really see, but he is supposed to be a computer nerd so I guess I’ll survive. That lovely lady on the left above is Maggie Q. She is officially on the radar and probably would have been sooner if I hadn’t decided to boycott Tom Cruise about two years ago. Q was in MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE III and will be in the upcoming BALLS OF FURY which sounds stupid, but has Patten Oswalt and Christopher Walken.

I’ll finish this on Thursday with info on the films that won’t be #1 at the box office.