Next Time I Run Into Paul McCartney He’s Getting a Punch in the Nose.

I don’t care if the man was in one of the most important and influential bands ever. I don’t care that he is 64. I don’t care that he has been knighted or that he probably has an entourage about the size of my hometown. I’m going to walk up to him in the men’s bathroom a la HUSTLE & FLOW and make him pay, but I’m not going to try and give him my music because I don’t force other people to listen to shitty music.

Why am I going to do this? Good question.

I work for Starbucks and he recently singed a deal with their Hear Music label. When he released an album on June 5^th Starbucks thought it would be a good idea to force everybody who wanted a cup of Joe to listen to the new album… and only that album. They called it a “Global Listening Event”. I call it terrorism. I worked for seven hours and that CD has all of 13 short songs on it. I listen to the album about 8 times that day before attempting to pour scalding milk into my ears to dull the pain. The man plays Ukulele, yodels and whistles (horribly) on his newest album and I think all of that stuff sucks. A lot.

I hear those shitty songs every time I work. When I go home to shower and get rid of the yucky feeling Sir Paul has left me with I usually sit down and veg out in front of the TV for a while. Now I’m being bombarded with ITunes commercials featuring a 60 some year-old man in sneakers skipping and whistling. Dammit, Paul! Go away. I hope that one legged wife of yours robs you blind. Please watch the video at your own risk.

Get ready to bleed old man.