Some People's Kids: You Give Schwing a Bad Name

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

You Give Schwing a Bad Name

Remember when you were a child and you get hard-ons for no reason and you were taught ton think about baseball and baseball players with great mustaches (Rolly Fingers, Wade Boggs and Randy Johnson)...no? Well, kids today will have the perfect reason why they just can't seem to lose their erections.

I man from New York is suing the health drink company Boost Plus, claiming that the vitamin enriched drink gave him an erection that would not subdue and caused him to be hospitalized. Can you imagine that visit to the emergency room...ackward. "What seems to be the problem"? "Helen Keller, are you kidding me...You failed to see the massive tent in my pants that won't go down"?

The 29 year old man said he woke up the next morning after drinking the beverage with an erection that would not subside. The man underwent surgery for implantation of a "Winter shunt", how painful does that sound, which moves blood from one area to another. Ouch, the word shunt should never be used in the same sentence as erection. In fact, I think shunt should be taken out of the dictionary entirely.

The Winter shunt is the most common procedure (22). With this technique, a fistula is created between the glans penis and the corpora cavernosa. The success rate of these procedures ranges between 50% and 65% (40). Possible postoperative complications are infection of the corpora cavernosa with abscess formation, urethral injury leading to stricture or urethrocutaneous fistula and penile hematoma with or without penile thrombosis resulting in erectile dysfunction (6).

The problem with these surgical procedures is the high rate of erectile dysfunction (50%). Therefore they should only be used after failed conservative treatment (29). If erectile dysfunction is present the best treatment is implantation of a penile prosthesis to enable the patient to sexual intercourse (41).

I don't know what that all means, but scary.

Why does this deserve a posting, you might ask. Well, besides the fact that he claims to have gotten an erection from an energy drink that would not go away...the 29 year old man's name is Christopher Wood. His name speaks volumes. Insert pun here...

Going back to mustaches...is it just me or is it really creepy that Stan Van Gundy and Ron Jeremy look a lot alike.

Man Sues Over Long-Lasting Erection

1 comment:

Nick said...

Hmmm...? That stuff looks kind of like chocolate milk? I think that every boy in America should have this stuff in their cereal. Watch out America's hung like a horse!