Wild Time!!!

With the Wild regular season coming to an end, and each game meaning more in terms of the division race it is time for us here at Some People’s Kids to focus more on my favorite hockey team. I am planning on doing either some sort of live-blog when possible and at the very least a write up on each game.

Today the Wild will face the Quebec Nordiques… no, The Colorado Avalanche... either way they are facing a team that probably won't be making the playoffs. Joe Sakic and Co. will attempt do what Calgary achieved in the last two games by coming off the ice with two points. Before the game starts I thought I'd take this opportunity to tell you that the Wolves suck even when KG has a 20 and 20 game and that Gilbert Arenas hates Micheal Ruffin. Back to hockey... with 4 games left the Wild still have a chance to take first in their division. Must. Stop. Typing... GAME ON!!!

18:39- Early power play goal by Gaborik, nice to start fast unlike the last one vs Calgary.
13:06- I have faith that Boogaard will use his fists today.
8:43- Harding has one hell of a save. Should third stringers be that good? Stupid officials are calling for a replay. We got screwed last time. No mas

1st Intermission
The Wild survive the Avs first power play and outside of Gabby's goal there is not much excitement to speak of. Time to watch the heart wrenching sports story that always finds it's way onto a sportscast.

Period #2
17:32- Avs are on a power play. Didn't know this but the Avs are 11-1-2 in their last couple of games.
15:35- with 3 seconds left on the power play John Micheal-Liles scores a goal.
13:05- Boogaard smashes a dude and Burns ends up with a penalty. I definitely likes the last period better.
6:33- Avs score again. The Wild are putting themselves in a bad position with all of these penalties.

2nd intermission
The wild escaped the rest of the period without giving up a goal, but I think Pavol Demitra Rolston and PMB will have to step up if we are going to win this thing. If we're going to lose this thing Boogaard is going to have to step up and crack some skulls... Poke his brains out!!

Period #3
19:36- Bastards start off with another penalty. This is beginning to look like a Wolves game.
14:18- Wicked! The Wild get a 5 on 3 for 40 seconds. Make me regret that last comment guys.
12:04- Horse Shoes and hand-grenades, fellas. Now is not the time to start losing hockey games
3:22- It's crunch time. We survived another power play, and now we need a goal like Tara Reid need rehab.
4.7- Harding got pulled but had to come back on after an off-sides.

We got killed by penalties and had only a hand full of shots on goal in the 2nd and 3rd periods. I'm making Bez do the rest of these so they stop losing. Time to watch the Final Four.

Wild vs. Calgary II- not so nice on the ice

With the Wild regular season coming to an end, and each game meaning more in terms of the division race. It is time for us here at Some People's Kids to focus more on my Favorite hockey team. I am planning on doing either some sort of live-blog when possible and at the very least a write up on each game.

I’m not a big hockey guy, but I’ll try my best to make it look like I know what I’m doing. Bez can’t post tonight because of an “upper body injury” and a “general soreness” so I was forced to come off the bench and bring that fire.

First Period:

18:40- Backstom lets two goals in in less than two minutes. Now Harding is in. True to my theory of hockey I am destined to miss both goals while I’m trying to figure out how to do this thing live.
11:12- This game is nowhere near as fast as yesterday’s game even though the score says differently. Are there mascots in Hockey? Ours should be a Tree.
9:28- Theory blown. Wild score. Good job Mr. Burns
:27.2- Another penalty for the period. Flames score while my back is turned writing. Bastards! Theory back on... must have been a fluke last time.

Between periods I see the trailer for EVAN ALMIGHTY- Steve Carell looks like one of the Geico cavemen with his beard. I also noticed that Anthony Lapanta has a little more control over his hair. I like to think he saw the letter and took those extra five minutes before the cameras turn on.

Second Period:

15:22 I think we need to send Boogaard in so that we can go on a power play. That seems to work.
10:30- The Wild are giving the puck back to the Flames too often.
2:00- They had a couple good shots on goal. Todd White just about scored from his chest
:24ish- one hell of a shot, I'm amazed that that thing didn't go in. Kipprosoff is impressive.

I've been thinking about this for a while and I've come to the conclusion that the Wild should probably score two goals in this period... at least two goals.

Third Period:

14:53- Iginla gets a hat trick, Wild most likely get a loss. Boo Jerome, Boo.
12:11- Did you know that Iginla's full name is Jarome Arthur-Leigh Adekunle Tig Junior Elvis Iginla? Me either.
9:05- Nice hit! There will be some Calgary penalties for the little bit of fighting that we saw. I remember reading that Bettman said fighting was a part of hockey, did he forget to send the memo to the refs?
6:59- GGOOOOOAAAAAAALLLL!!!!!!!!!! Mr. Mark Parrish ladies and gentlemen. Luck is not on our side, if it had been 2 seconds earlier we still would have been on a power play.
2:53- Nice scramble for the puck. We didn't come away with a goal so I think the game is over.

Game over. First loss in regulation in 11 games. Sorry. My fault.

In Theaters Tomorrow…

There are only three films coming out this week. Four if you include a gymnastics film titled THE PEACEFUL WARRIOR, but I’m not going to watch a film about men’s gymnastics and I bet you won’t either. The first is Will Ferrell’s latest film where he and Napoleon Dynamite poke fun at the figure skating world (take that Brian Boitano). The second is a computer animated Disney picture. The last is a thriller about a bank robbery starring that kid from 3^rd Rock From The Sun.

BLADES OF GLORY follows Ferrell and Jon Heder as they are permanently banned from singles competition for fighting and lighting the mascot on fire. Later they find out that there is a loophole allowing them to compete together in doubles skating (or whatever the hell the correct term is). Ferrell is a sex addict, Heder is a prude, and hilarity ensues. I’m actually more excited about getting to see Will Arnett (Arrested Development) and Jenna Fischer (The Office) on the big screen. They have a pretty good cast for the minor roles too. I don’t think you’ll be disappointed if you go see this film.

MEET THE ROBINSONS voice talent consists of nobody, nobody, Tom Selleck and batman himself, Adam West. Its about a boy genius who has an invention stolen away by “The Bowler Hat Guy”- must have spent days coming up with that game. The bad guy takes off into the future and someone with the surname Robinson comes along to help the kid out. There a dinosaur, the Robinsons are dysfunctional your children might laugh, blah, blah, blah. I don’t have to tell you whether or not to go, your children will.

THE LOOKOUT is the film I want to see the most this week. The guy who wrote MINORITY REPORT and THE INTERPRETER is taking his first shot at directing one of his screenplays. Besides Joseph Gordon-Levitt the cast also includes Jeff Dainiels. Levitt plays a former high school athlete who was forced to stay in his hometown after an accident. He takes a job at a bank and is soon approached by former classmates to help rob the place. Apparently the film does a good job of mixing action and comedy and focuses more on the decision making process than the actual heist, but that’s not how the trailer looks. This is where my $8.00 goes.

Box office prediction looks like this: 1-BLADES OF GLORY 2-TMNT 3-300 4-MEET THE ROBINSONS 5- SHOOTER

Usually Unusual

Unbelievable T-Wolves, unbelievable! Finding out about the Timberpuppies blowing a twenty-five point lead was about as surprising as reading another blog about how much Joakim Noah is ugly and sucks at life. I think Dick Vitale would agree with me. But the thing that was surprising was that the T-Pupps managed to score 71 points in the first half. This maybe dim glimmer of hope as the season continues to stumble beyond mediocrity and into the backyard of painful. Minnesota fails to score a field goal for the last 6:38 of the game, breaking the all time record of longest drought without a field goal to end a game, set by the Middlebury, Vermont third grade girls B team. Rashard Lewis laid a massive beat down of the Timberwolves in the fourth quarter by scoring 21 of his 35. All in all, this will be the low point of a dissapointing season, by an overrated team, with high expectations. But the inevitablity of this letdown is something to take comfort in. We as fans now don't have to pretend we want to make it to the playoffs, because there is always a chance. We can now openly express our opinion about secertly wanting the team to take it in the ass for the remaining games, so they don't have to give up their shot at the Oden/Durant lottery. And starting from this point on, we here at Some-Peoples-Kids are vamping up the effort to get our main man Bracey Wright some much needed court time, to show us and "Pacman" Jones what it takes to really make it "rain".

I also find it hilarious that the Timberwolves are having a back to the 80's retro night, when they only existed as a team for a whole three months in 1989. But hey, whatever gets your pants off...

Free Bracey Wright!!!

WILD TIME!!!

With the Wild regular season coming to an end, and each game meaning more in terms of the division race. It is time for us here at Some People's Kids to focus more on my Favorite hockey team. I am planning on doing either some sort of live-blog when possible and at the very least a write up on each game.
Tonight the Wild faced Calgary. With every point for both teams meaning so much, this game should have a playoff feel.

1st period:
-That period was going super fast until the goal review.
-With all of the college hockey lately, it is very obvious to me how much faster this game is then the college game. Wow, these guys are good. The Wild are all over the place.
- With about 4:30 left it looked like the Wild scored, but after the longest goal review ever they called it off. I don't know if the goal was ever signaled for on the ice.
I hate how the NHL has this dumb review process where they have to go to Toronto and have someone tell them what happened. On a night like tonight when there is a ton of games I'm sure that they can get goals that need reviewing happening at the same time. This review just blew up the flow of the 1st period.
-It was nice to see the Wild come back after the review and still have the same fire they had before, a goal would have been nice.

2nd period
-Started to get chippy. Boogard would have been helpful tonight.
- Kipprosoff is good. 29 saves after two.

3rd period
-Nik is good at goalie, makes it look easy, nothing is ever spectacular looking and I love that.
-That stick in the glass was kinda funny.
-They finally showed a better angle on the disallowed goal. I guess iit could have been high, but hard to call with what was available.
-Carney made a great play towards the end of the calgary pp by taking the body, I'm not sure who it was on but it was a great play.
-How can they call a penalty like that this late in the game. They were letting them play all game and now he decides to make a questionable call late.

OT
-Timberwolves suck (up by 20 some late lost by 7)
-Gaborik and Demitra had a great opportunity late in the period, gabby had a hard time getting good stick on it, it hit side netting. That was the prime situation as a Wild fan this late in the game, too bad they couldn't convert.

Shootout
I am getting sick of Demitra going wide like that, it's hard to do it again and again when they know what's coming. It was all good early but something new please.
Tough loss for the Wild tonight, they played their asses off. Like I said earlier this game had a real playoff feel, besides the damn shootout, it'll be nice when we can just play these games out. It's tough when you play so well as a team for 65 minutes then you have to hand it over to some individuals.

Stars of tonight have to be the two goalies and Gaborik with 6 shots on net and he was all over the place. Vancouver is up 1-0 late in their game at Colorado, we could use another Vancouver loss, so go ave's. The Wild have jumped up in Sportsline's power rankings to 3rd, looks like our little team is starting to get some attention.

Go Wild

They all laughed

Back in 2001 when the Twins took a high school kid from Minnesota as the number one overall draft pick people in the baseball world gave a little chuckle. They said that the Twins were looking for the hometown discount and missed out on a pitcher by the name of Mark Prior. Six years later the Twins’ Terry Ryan gives one of those evil genius laughs every time Prior’s name is uttered. ESPN is now saying that Prior will mast likely start the season in the minors after posting an 0-2 record with a 9.82 ERA. I think I may be in love with Terry Ryan.

Prior had one good season going 18-6 and spent pretty much the rest of his career on the DL. Chairman Mauer only became the second youngest player to win the batting title and the first ever catcher out of the AL to take it. I don’t foresee Prior winning the Cy young any time soon and I sure as hell don’t see him breaking 150 wins. Mauer, who is 2 years younger than the Cub’s pitcher, has a few batting titles left in him and his main competition may just be his good friend Justin Morneau. People can argue that he had knee problems and just had a minor leg injury… I say F that. We can put Mauer in the outfield or as the DH if problems persist. Try teaching Prior how to field and hit, Piniella.

When asked about Prior starting the season in the minors Terry Ryan offered this, “Prior? Minors? Meh, Heh, Hah, Hoo!”

Donavan to Kentucky??

This from a Lexington NBC affiliate.

"According to Darrell Bird of CatsPause.com, UK is poised to name Billy Donovan its new basketball coach after Florida's final game in the NCAA Tournament.

According to CatsPause.com, the reported package is a seven year deal worth $3.5 million per year. The report further states there is a $3.5 million loyalty bonus if Donovan completes all seven years. The deal reportedly was made last Thursday and Friday during a meeting with Donovan's agent here in Lexington."

This is really interesting with Florida still in the tournament.

I work, the world watches great basketball

Yesterday two great basketball games and one that set up a championship rematch occurred all while I was stuck at work. I refuse to comment on the Florida-Oregon game because Joakim Noah is a punk and they’ve already gotten more than their fair share of coverage. I hope Arron Afflalo gets his revenge and destroys the Gators next week. UCLA is less cocky, plays better defense and I’d rather not witness a pelvic thrust while the winners hoist their trophy.

The game that I missed that angers me the most was UNC-Georgetown. The game was an instant classic and I don’t have ESPN classic. I SOL. The game sounded amazing and ended with UNC chocking in overtime. I have Georgetown winning it all, so I’m glad to see that they came out on top. Now we get to see grandpa Oden go up against another NBA caliber center in Roy Hibbert and a chance to see if he can handle someone closer to him in ability. I had been under the assumption that Mike Connelly Jr. had been more important to the Buckeyes in the tourney until I saw this. I’m sticking by Georgetown because I believe they came out of the tougher conference and region and have more upperclassmen in the starting line-up.

The final game I missed yesterday was the Timber wolves over the Blazers. Garnett at the buzzer, are you kidding me? I don’t think people realize how good his season has been, this is his third best season… in his best season he won the MVP and in his second best he should have won it. Not a single person even mentions his name for the MVP and I understand that some of it depends on making the post season but imagine this team without the big guy. We’re talking Celtics bad. The other thing I liked about this win was that I believe the Blazers will be a very good team in the not too distant future.

We may not have had a Bracey sighting, but Randy Foye’s Ben Gordonesque performance in the fourth makes me feel better about a team that probably won’t make the playoffs. (And honestly I’m not sure I want them to make the playoffs if they are going to lose 3 straight to the Mavs and owe the clippers a draft pick for Jaric) Maybe it would be better to start James in hopes of drumming up some trade talk. I could handle packaging Davis and James for a big guy and something, then and handing over the reigns to the younger guys next year.

I’m just going to bring a TV to work from now on.

Free Bracey Wright!!!

I finally got these shirts done, thanks to Adam Keller for the design. The link to the store is to the right I will also list it at the bottom. They are $15. Let me know if you have any questions.

Some People's Kid's Store

In Theaters Tomorrow…

Lots of movies coming out this week… we’ve got a CGI turtles movie, Mark Wahlberg trying explain how he didn’t kill the president, a dramedy with Adam Sandler and Don Cheadle, A feel-good “sports” drama, a horror sequel and a kids movie. There is also a John Malkovich film in limited release.

First off is TMNT- This film is fully animated and takes place after the second live action Turtles movie. This was one of my favorite cartoons when I was growing up and I stumbled upon the fact that a new cartoon is playing on Saturday mornings again. I guess that Shredder isn’t in this film and that Casey Jones is not his usual badass self. I read good reviews for the film but I’ll probably wait and rent it later on in the year.

SHOOTER- This is Mark Wahlberg’s new film and it seems like a cross between THE FUGITIVE and NICK OF TIME. I don’t know if I trust it, and although Marky Mark has had some good roles he’s had a lot of bad ones too. If I do see this film I probably won’t be the one who rented it.

REIGN OVER ME- The film is about former college roommates that reconnect after one (Sandler) has lost everything in the 9/11 attacks. What I like about the film is that from what I’ve read they don’t try to milk 9/11 and it’s more of a story about how a man deals with his grief over an enormous loss. This is the film that I want to see the most this week. I’m a huge fan of Don Cheadle and I feel like Adam Sandler can pull off this role. Sandler has always been funny in my eyes, but I also believe that he can act when given the chance.

PRIDE- This is a film starring Terrence Howard (CRASH, HUSTLE & FLOW) and Bernie Mac, but having two actors of that caliber won’t get me to watch the film. The film is about a college student who organizes an all inner city troubled youth swim team. Think THE MIGHTY DUCKS, HARDBALL and about half a million other films that follow the same plot. I’m going to go out on a limb and say the plot goes like this: the team is hesitant to cooperate, they get blown out of the water by the best team in their league, they come together, their best swimmer/binding element gets injured, they overcome adversity and take first place. This is based on a true story so the team may take second.

THE HILLS HAVE EYES 2- This is the sequel to a remake of a classic horror film. If you liked the last one you’ll probably like the second one. I’ve heard good things about the director, Martin Weisz. I guess he directed a film called ROHTENBERG about a real life cannibal that Germany refused for show in its theaters.

THE LAST MIMZY- A children’s film where two siblings find something in a toy chest that makes them smarter and allows them to go to the future or a new world or something along those lines. I’m not going to give this write-up another sentence because I don’t like wasting my precious seconds on this film.

COLOR ME KUBRICK- This film is only open in 18 theaters but I hope that it gets some buzz generated and gains a wider release. John Malkovich plays a man who gains fame by pretending to be recluse director Stanley Kubrick while the actual director was filming EYES WIDE SHUT. The film is based on true events and Malkovich can do no wrong.

Box office predictions go like this: 1.300 2.TMNT 3.THE HILLS HAVE EYES 4.WILD HOGZ 5. REIGN OVER ME

“Gilbert being Gilbert”

Gilbert answered his critics today on his blog. It is really long, but totally worth the read. This guy has it all figured out. He has a reason for everything, here's a taste, but go check it out.
"The reason everybody loves T.O. is the same reason everybody hates T.O. It’s the celebration, having fun, pulls out the pen and signing autographs. They love it, and then they hate it, for the same reason.

"I love T.O. for that. For having fun. For enjoying football. Same thing with Chad Johnson. That’s where I got the idea of putting “Agent” on my All-Star jersey and try to play in the game with it, because he put “Ocho Cinco” on his jersey.

You know, that’s funny! That’s hilarious to me. It’s all entertainment.

When we step inside that court and people come into those arenas and sit down, it’s not about what they did that day, it’s not about their rent, their jobs, how bad their day is going. It’s about, “I’m going to forget about it for two hours.”

Two hours while this basketball game is going on.

Same thing with a player, no matter what’s going on outside of the arena, when you get in there it’s my job to entertain for two hours.

The antics aren’t taking away from my level of concentration. I’m sleeping in the gym. I’m working out three times a day. I spent my whole summer to get back at two so-called teams."

This is just a small fraction of what he wrote today, it's totally worth the time to read it.

Agent Zero: The Blog File.

OJ MAYO

I know that this is all over the blog world but I couldn't help write about it. When you think youth basketball does the word 'entourage,' ever come to mind?? It never really does for me, at least until I read the New York Times article on O.J. Mayo today:

"Mayo is one of those basketball prodigies famous for his large entourage and his erratic behavior. In the past six years, he has moved from West Virginia to Kentucky to Ohio and back to West Virginia. He has been suspended at least three times for fights and other violations."

I am guessing that this is going to end with USC looking really bad. Not that there were any recruiting violations but he's going to do something that is going to tarnish the school's already tarnished (see alleged football recruiting scandals) sports programs. Something like this makes me respect what is Kevin Durant and Greg Oden even more.
This video is from his last High School game. What a tool (aka "bro" if your from asu).

Bracey Wroght back!

We started writing these weekly letters not too long ago and I thought they were going to be a joke in the eyes of our targeted readers. That’s not to say that I didn’t hope to get a response, but I didn’t think we would get one so quickly (original questions). The icing on the cake is that the one man who could single handedly save the T-Wolves season (or at least get us a road victory). Here he is in his own words… The man, the myth, the legend, Bracey “I’ll do one better than an autograph” Wright-

Thanks for your support and I appreciate that you are pulling for me. Answers:

1. If I were to get 25 minutes a night, I feel my stat line could be 12pts 3reb 3ast.

2. I stand by my decision about not going to the D-league. I felt that last year I was hands down the best player in the league and if I were to return I would be taking two steps backwards.

3. I started to play well under Coach Casey; I was disappointed that he was fired. Once Coach Whitman took over I went back to the bench. Right now we are 8-17 since Coach Casey left. We were 20-20 with him this season...I'll let you be the judge on differences.

4-6. All the young guys hang out. We are always doing stuff together. What makes our young players get along so well is that we truly like each other. We have to find a way to gel on the court, as well as we all do off the court. As far as practice goes, I have been playing really well. I thought that my practice performance would translate into big minutes...but everything happens for a reason. I'm confident I will get my opportunity soon. (I wouldn't wear my hair like Ben)

5-8. I didn't go to Las Vegas, so I didn't know how bad it was. As far as Marko goes he does not stink, but I have known players who do. My favorite tattoo is the one on my chest. It talks to my personal relationship with God. The game against Memphis wasn't in the playoffs, but it still felt great to score 19.

9. I really don't know about the big man situation, I thought that we would make a trade, but we didn't. I do not know what the future holds for me, all I know is that it will work out in my favor.

Again I appreciate your support and that you wanted me to answer your questions. Also for the "Free Bracey Wright", that's funny (it would be real funny if fans had a Free Bracey Wright T-shirt)!

We’re working on the shirts right now Bracey. Keep your head up, the campaign has started and Whitman will have no choice but to play you.

Free Bracey Wright!

Twins Pitching Odds

The Twins have a killer starting rotation… unfortunately most of those pitchers will start the season in the minors. The Pioneer Press in reporting today that the Twins starting rotation will look like we thought it would at the beginning of spring training. “El Presidente” Santana will be at the helm of this starting rotation followed by Ramon Ortiz (whom I am gaining faith in), Boof!, Carlos Silva and Sidney Ponson. The Twins sent down baseball’s version of Agent Zero, Kevin Slowey, on Sunday and Matt Garza and Glen Perkins are sure to follow soon.

I put complete trust in Rick Anderson’s ability to get the best out of his pitchers, but I think that Silva and Ponson just don’t have it anymore. Last year the Twins made a run (and captured) the division after dumping a few geezers off the side of the boat and infusing their infield with some youth. This year I see that happening to the starting rotation… its only a matter of time before something bad happens. At the moment I’m channeling the future in order to bring you the odds on what leads this pitching staff in a younger directions. Here it is from least likely to most likely… enjoy.

50:1 – No change is made to the starting rotation

25:1 – Silva hits someone in the head with his sinker ball (if it’s A-Rod, he may be promoted and given an award for shutting the guy up)

15:1- Ponson’s visa expires before the season ends

12:1- Ponson falls off the wagon and punches a cop while joyriding with Koren Robinson and Eddie “Hardwood” Griffin

10:1- Ortiz and Silva go 1-2 in home runs given up in the AL

5:1- Kevin Slowey has an ERA lower than 1.50 when he gets called up to the majors

3:1- Santana repeats as Cy young winner (its got to be a fluke if he loses)

2:1- Silva and Ortiz are gone by the ALL-STAR break (hello backup shortstop)

1:1- Bonser, Silva and Ponson get into an all out brawl over the last doughnut in the clubhouse (Dennys Reyes sits back chomping on said doughnut and laughing his ass of while Bonser puts the old guys in a double headlock)

Duck Fuke!

Even if they don’t win another game VCU is already my George Mason. That game was the shit! People bled who weren’t named Hansboro. Paulus got beat up in an all around physical game. Duke’s bitching didn’t help- I loved watching the refs tell Duke players to get off of the ground when they were trying to get calls. That buzzer beater was amazing, it’ll probably make the top ten all time tourney simply because it took those snobby bastards out in the first round. Eric Maynor was so great that I didn’t mind having the fact that he grew up in Duke country pounded into my head by the announcers. VCU even lost their bid man! That defense was stellar. I told you that the 6 seed was a stretch. I told you. Finally we have an upset, and its one that nobody is really upset about. The only thing that would have been better is if Paulus cried a la Adam Morrison. Now Coach K has more time to focus on his career as an insurance spokesmen or deodorant or whatever crappy product deems him worthy. I hope the team doesn’t go home and order strippers to get over the loss, we all know how that is going to end…

In Theaters Tomorrow…

All right, gotta do this super quick because I just got off work and the tourney has already started… PREMONITION stars Sandra Bullock and is probably a bad attempt at a time shifting thriller. You’re still alive Sandra? I thought your career died years ago along with MISS CONGENIALITY, THE LAKE HOUSE, and as I look at your filmography basically everything except for speed.

DEAD SILENCE is a horror film that looks to be the heir to the CHUCKY throne. It looks weak, but the dude behind the SAW franchise wrote it so it might be worth your money. Plus Marky Mark’s brother is in the film and doesn’t play the lead… I’ve got a feeling we can fulfill the fantasy of watching a New Kid On The Block die a horrible, horrible death.

I THINK I LOVE MY WIFE is Chris Rock’s new picture. He pulled a Charlie Chaplin and played lead, director and producer on this film. I want to think that it will be good be he has disappointed me in the past (he is the producer who brought us POOTIE TANG). He may be better at stand-up than choosing film projects. (Osmosis Jones?) The comedian Louis C.K. helped write the script but he may have the same problem as Rock. (Once again, POOTIE TANG)

Box Office prediction goes something like this: 300 takes spots 1-3 because if they are not politely offered the film will simply fill you will arrows, cut your heart out with a rusty spork and make love to your girlfriend in front of you for the last remaining seconds of your life. I’d like to say that DEAD SILENCE takes 4^th but its probably WILD HOGS, then SILENCE. Taking 6^th is I THINK I LOVE MY WIFE. This took far to long. Go see 300, dammit.

Free Bracey Wright!

Guess what these are.

Do you know what these two rocks represent. They're Troy Williamson's hands. The Vikings think it is something completely different. According to the awesome Pioneer Press today the Vikings have had Troy's eyes tested very meticulously, here is what they have to say:

"Vikings wideout Troy Williamson recently went to Nike's headquarters in Oregon to get his eyes looked at. Apparently he was subjected to a number of tests that checked out his hand-eye coordination, the strength of each eye, how well he sees in different lighting and how he judged balls coming at him from different angles. "The Vikings went above and beyond the call of duty," Williamson's agent told the Pioneer Press. "This shows how supportive the team is of Troy. This is not the normal eye doctor you would deal with. This is all encompassing."

I truly wonder what Chili's reaction to these results are going to be. I imagine it like somewhat this:

"Well Chili, his eyes seem to be fine, but we found something that we here at Nike think your team has overlooked." Says Dr. Knowall. "Troy here is not a football player, he's a track star. We feel that it is in the best interest of your team to let him go and find another wide reciever."
"Well Dr. Knowall," says Chili as he storms out of the Nike headquarters, "you seem to be the one missing something, this receiver is one KICK ASS receiver and he's going to be better then anything you could find in the NFL."

When Nike tells the Vikings that it's not his eyes, what do the Vikings do?? I'm pretty sure you can't teach "hands." So we will see, maybe they'll find some other big name receivers to fill the position.

Dear Bracey Wright,

Two friends and I recently started a sports blog, Some People’s Kids, and even more recently began writing letters like the following to people in and around Minnesota sports. Our goal is to establish a few connections and gain an understanding of what its like behind the scenes. We were hoping you could answer a few questions about the Timberwolves and your life in general. Before any of the questions scare you off I want to tell you that I truly am a big fan of yours and believe that you are being underutilized by a team that desperately needs to change things up. All right, here it goes:

I’ve got this thing going- Free Bracey Wright! - I want the T-wolves to throw you a solid 20-25 minutes at you and see what you can do. What do you think your stat line would look like if you had that kind of time to play against a division rival?

At the beginning of the year you refused to go back down to the D-league. Now that you’ve had a year would you rather play every day down there or rack up 122 minutes and 41 points so far this season? Could you describe what it’s like to play in the D-league?

Were you disappointed in the coaching change since you had just started to get playing time under Casey? What are the major differences between coach Casey’s style of play and how you guys play under Coach Whitman?

Do you and the younger guys on the team like McCants, Foye and Craig Smith hang out on off days? Who would you consider your mentor on the team?

The team went crazy when you scored your first points of the season, but all the papers say there is no team chemistry. What is your take on the chemistry issue?

I heard you rip shit up in practice and you’re a 3-point threat (#3 on Indiana’s all-time list), why don’t you get more minutes? Maybe if Whittman didn’t recognize you he’d play you, Ever think about pulling your braids out a la Ben Wallace?

Were you in Las Vegas and if so was it as bad as the media portrayed it?

Most eastern Europeans that I’ve met have a funk to them, is it hard to be near Jaric after he’s had a long game?

I’ve noticed that you have a lot of tattoos, could you tell us which one is your favorite and why?

You scored 19 points against the Grizzlies, what’s it like to have such a great game in the playoffs in your first year?

39 points in a college game is impressive- what are the chances North Texas makes it out of the 1^st round of the NCAA tournament this decade?

You guys need another big man on the team badly, were you angry when you didn’t get one before the trade deadline? Do you think you’ll pick one up this off-season? What does the team look like next year? Do you think you’ll be with the T-wolves next year?

What do you think about Forbes declaration that Kevin McHale is the best GM in all of sports? Outside of the obvious I find it funny that the man is not even the GM, but the President of basketball operations.

I’m the guy that’s been asking why the Wolves got rid of Chauncey Billups for years, I think that if the Wolves don’t see your potential they’ll regret it a few years down the road. I want to thank you for being the player I can still believe in (outside of KG) on a team that is sorely mismanaged in every respect of the game. Any questions you feel comfortable answering would be tremendous; any response is better than nothing. I can be reached at www.some-peoples-kids.blogspot.com . (BRACEY WROGHT BACK!)

Thanks for your time,

Ben

Free Bracey Wright!

Why do you hate me so, selection committee?

Topic #1: Sure, the selection comittee has got a hard job, blah, blah, blah. Yes, CBS doesn’t make it any easier by giving them a deadline to hand the brackets in. No Excuse! Every year the NCAA tournament selection committee shits on my parade. This year they put 3 of my bracket busters in the same damn region. I was counting on Davidson, Winthrop and Old Dominion to sneak under the radar and help me dominate my pools. No dice, if Davidson and Old Dominion do manage to win their first games they will play each other. I had not factored this into the equation. Thank god VCU gets a shot at Duke. Unless the Blue Devils start breaking noses again, they have no chance. That 6 seed was one hell of a gift.

Topic #2: The CBS Corporation should probably think about suspending the award winning programming like the Gilmore Girls, One Tree Hill and Search for the next Pussycat Doll over at the CW so that they can offer viewers some options during the first few rounds. Granted, they can make some good money off of some sort of pay-per-view package, but I bet they could make just as much by cramming advertising down our throats on two channels. If ABC had the rights to the tourney I guarantee we would get games on the ESPN networks. I bet NBC would put games on MSNBC and CNBC like they did for the Olympics. The world is a better place when I can get an overdose from college basketball. Do something for me CBS.

Topic #3: mid-majors. What is the deal with having less at-large bids for the smaller conferences a year after one proved just how well these smaller teams can play in the tourney? George Mason goes out and rips shit up and now we have a smaller chance of seeing a repeat. Its like the big conferences got together with the committee in order to make sure that nobody finds out that playing well in a small conference is no different than playing mediocre in a big. Teams like Jackson State and North Texas have no shot of winning a game, but its not so much because they are in a smaller conference, but because they have to play the behemoths in the first round. Mid Major At-large bids should have gone up from 8 instead of down to 6... ya bastards. The likes of the SEC’s Arkansas and the Big 10’s Illinois screwed Drexel out of a spot in the tournament.

My only major hope for this tournament is that Florida doesn’t repeat… I don’t think I can stand to watch Joakim Noah celebrate anymore. Somebody needs to humble that kid. Maybe if I work on my mind control all week I can get him to hit a cheerleader instead of just swipe at one. Other than that I just hope for some close games and enough points to take some money in one of my brackets. Cheers and happy March Madness.

Free Bracey Wright!

In Theaters Tomorrow…

This week is extremely simple… Everyone is scared shitless of going up against 300. Neill Cumpston over at Ain’t it Cool News gave possibly the greatest description of a film that I have ever seen. “I can’t spoil the plot because THANK GOD THERE ISN’T ONE. Just ass kicking that kicks ass that, while said ass is getting kicked, is kicking yet more ass that’s hitting someone’s balls with a hammer made of ice but the ice is frozen whiskey.” God, I wish those had been my words. This is a green screen film that originated in the graphic novel world. The creator of the novel, Frank Miller, is also the producer. I know what you’re thinking, how does a comic book writer make a film? Have no fear, he created Sin City and sat shotgun while Robert Rodriguez turned that graphic novel into a “kick ass” film. Premise? 300 Greek warriors basically dismantle an entire city-state. No stars, no need. It’ll be tops for at least 2 weeks and will probably be franchised.

Even the trailers connected to this film are better that the Box office toppers you bastards have been wasting your money on. It’s got films you know about like SPIDEY, BLADES OF GLORY and those terrorists from the AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE. The first trailer for OCEAN’S THIRTEEN that I’m aware of will be there. Trailers will also include some wicked pics that you probably haven’t heard of yet; KNOCKED UP (from the dude who brought you 40 YEAR-OLD VIRGIN) - HOT FUZZ (the guys behind SHAWN OF THE DEAD)- MR. BROOKS (serial killer film starring Kevin Costner that is neither about baseball, nor a post-apocalyptic world)- SKINWALKERS (Werewolf movie!!!!!!!!!!)

Another film that is opening (on 800 screens) is called THE ULTIMATE GIFT. James GARNER plays the wealthy grandfather who dies and instead of directly leaving his ungrateful grandson a buttload of cash he must first complete twelve tasks. Abigail Breslan, the little girl from LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE is in the film but that won’t help. Go see 300!

The only other film that opens on double-digit screens (75) is THE HOST. The U.S. military accidentally creates a seafaring mutant/monster that terrorizes Seoul Korea. The film became Korea’s most successful domestic film to date. The English dub strips the film of it’s anti American undertones (or overtones, I don’t speak Korean). Apparently the film manages to roll every genre into one and does a good job of it. If you happen to be one of the lucky few that can’t get tickets to see 300 but are at a theatre playing this, go see it. If you don’t have the $8.50 to go to a film this week search a couple of rental places and rent the DVD, it may be called GWOEMUL and located in the foreign section.

And for the love of god- GO SEE 300. At this particular time of year and in the age of the DVD there are too few movies that require a big screen, 300 is one of them. You will regret it if you don’t.

Free Bracey Wright!

Remember that time the Vikings sucked?

(I realize that my friend Bits and Pieces just wrote a similar post, but muck it. I going to poat this anyway.)

Those days are over! With the blockbuster signing of receiver Bobby Wade the team is set. They might as well just give their draft picks away. This team is guaranteed no less than a spot in the Super bowl. The free agent has a total of 101 catches in only 4 years in the NFL, add that to Visanthe Shaincoe’s 35 catches in the same span and the NFL might as well just paint the word Vikings down the middle of field, ‘cause they are gonna own it!

Seriously, where the hell is the real receiver? Troy “Hands” Williamson can’t catch, Billy McMullen isn’t proven and Jermaine Wiggins, ECT. are gone. The trio of D.J Hackett, Terrence Copper and Kevin Curtis don’t sound great but anything would be better than what we have now. I know that Curtis just fired his agent and there is a chance that the Vikings can still get him, but dammit spend some money on something quality. Please, take my suggestion and pick up a veteran QB so your fans can at least watch the game into the 4th quarter.

The Vikings had 12.2 million in cap space at the beginning of free agency and they haven’t done a single cool thing with it yet. So far they’ve picked up a backup tight end and two special teamers who pretend to be a linebacker and a slot receiver. Where the hell is my pass rusher? Is it supposed to be Erasmus James? Cause he has proven himself. What about middle linebacker? Chad Greenway certainly showed us what he could do by getting injured in the pre-season and Napoleon Harris just signed with the Chiefs. I hate to say things like that about Greenway because I’m a Hawkeye fan, but we haven’t seen him play in NFL.

This team has got 2.5 billion holes to fill and they went to the dollar store to try and fill those holes… and they overpaid! I would love to be a former player of a coach on the Vikings staff. That’s how Vinny Ciurciu got picked up, he was with the Carolina panthers when Paul Ferraro when he was special teams couch there. The Vikings have become a safe haven for crappy Eagles players (see McMullen) and I, for one am none too happy about that. I say if we don’t have 3 wins by the mid point of the season Childress has to let me shave his “awesome” mustache off.

The new guys do talk a good game though. Wade was quoted in the Minneapolis Star Tribune saying this; “we (he and Childress) spoke a lot about running after the catch. "That's something I've done a lot in the past.”… a football player who can run and catch? You’ve got to be shitting me, impossible. I think my favorite is a Visanthe Shaincoe quote that came out of the Pioneer Press, “With this offense and this quarterback and the personnel that they have here, I’m really excited to showcase what I can do here.” Do you know something we don’t know Mr. Shaincoe? None of those things are very special, only thing he’s got to be happy about is getting out of Jeremy Shockey’s shadow. Get ready to cheer for another team ladies and germs, ‘cause this one will defiantly make you cry on every given Sunday.

Free Bracey Wright!

HUGE friggin' pickup Vikings...huge!

Our purple warriors of the north signed the household name of Bobby Wade today to add a complimentary piece to their already spectacular passing game. Looking at Wade's stats from last season we see that he caught 33 passes for 461 yards, which are paltry compared to many number two receivers from last year, but impressive enough to be the Viks number one coming into the year. I find this signing atypical for the Vikings, just putting a band-aide on the wound as usual. I have no idea why the Vikings would sign Bobby Wade and not sign Wes Welker formerly of Miami and now with New England. This point was brought to my attention today by Venti Mocha Frappacino guy (I work at Starbucks). He was utterly distraught from the fact that the Dolphins let Wes Welker go to New England. Normally, I don't take things seriously that customers talk to me about, but Venti Mocha Frappacino guy is an absolutely die hard Dolphins fan. He wears some sort of jersey, shirt, cut off, jacket everyday to express his "fond regard" for the Dolphins. Now this man says to me that the Vikings missed a huge opportunity to pick up on a very young and solid receiver that could be the next Don Hutson and New England obviously doesn't pick up shitty players. After Venti Mocha Frap guy finished his vignette and upon further research, it is apparent that the Vikings once again showed their ineptness by missing out on a great prospect and instead signed a no name, that will disappoint anyone with a shred of optimism for the Vikings receiver core this year. Consolation prize for us, at least we pawned off Culpepper on Miami. Sorry Miami, when it rains, it pours!

Dear Anthony LaPanta,

I have been thinking for a while about another recurring bit we can do here at Some People's Kids, and I believe I came up with it today.

Dear XXXXX, there always questions to be asked, so in this bit we will be writing letters to anyone who we want to. If anyone has any suggestions who we should write to let us know with any questions you have. Besides being posted on here the letters will also be sent to the subject, I am not sure how, but I will try my best to get them to that person, and if they respond I will post it in it's entirety here.

March 6, 2007

Dear Sir Lapanta,

I am writing to you in the inaugural letter to my new recurring bit on my blog, titled Some People’s Kids. I was unable to find your email address so I figured I would send this to you through the Twins, if figure it has to get to you somehow.

As a fan of Minnesota sports (besides the Wolves, who I parted ways with a few weeks ago) it’s pretty hard not to know who you are. As you probably know, well I hope you do, you are everywhere. Every time I turn the TV on there you are. I guess I have a few questions for a man in such a position.

Which of the teams/events do you like to cover the most, I’m going to make a guess that’s it’s either the Wild or the State High School hockey tournament.

Last summer must have been pretty fun with how the Twins finished the regular season; I know it was for me. I still think one of the most memorable moments was when Bert dropped the f’bomb. The funnies part of that was your reaction, “but we’re live,” what was your first thought when you heard that come out of his mouth? Do you ever feel like dropping the f’bomb (live or not live), if you do can you tell me when you plan on it so I can tune in??

Is that your real hair? I can’t tell I feel it’s always changing. I think that if you woke up maybe 5 min earlier you would have time to do it, just a suggestion.

Why did you stop updating your blog, I just found it today, when I was looking for your contact info, but I bet you have some interesting stories to tell with your access to the teams.

Who do you get your paychecks from? You’re all over the place; you work for everyone involved with sports in the state of Minnesota.

Do you think that your colleague Ron Johnson’s real name is actually Ron Johnson, that can’t be true can it?

Marney Gellner or Ann Carroll??

Here are some reader suggestions for Questions:

What is your favorite buffalo wild wings sauce?

How many bobble heads do you have? On the same note, when is Anthony LaPanta Bobble head night? They could put real hair on there colicky and all?

Do you and Donald Trump get package deals on hair?

Would you ever consider doing commentary for a dog show?

This one isn’t a question, but my friend just dubbed you “the new bad boy of bed head.” Just thought I would share that.

Wow that was a random set of questions; I hope they don’t scare you off. Many of them have been building in my head for the past few years and they are in good spirit. I would like to thank you for your time and feel free to answer as many questions as you like. I can be reached at www.some-peoples-kids.blogspot.com.

Thanks

Adam

P.S.

“BUT WE’RE LIVE”

R.I.P. Kirby

As a kid growing up in Minnesota Kirby Puckett was my idol, it was almost mandatory for Minnesotans who fall in my age group. His debut with the Twins was a little under a year after I was born and I feel a deep connection to the pudgy superstar with the infectious smile. One year ago today he left this world and ventured into the next. If I have any say in the issue my children, and my children’s children will remember him

Puckett was unlike any other baseball player I’ve ever seen, especially in a day and age where players demand trash bags full of money, act like prima donnas and run amuck when not in uniform. This was a man who loved the game, loved his team and would have played just as hard if nobody was watching. He could invigorate his team with a simple pep talk, that smile of his and the ever present twinkle in his eye. He did things unimaginable for anyone else with the same type of body. He was short and chubby, but that was never what you noticed when he was robbing someone of a home run in center field or outrunning a throw to first.

Some of my best memories involve Kirby. The man whose poster hung above my bed was there for my first baseball game and my first playoff game. I was too young to remember the ’87 World Series, but I remember the ’91 series. I remember my father letting me stay up extra late in the sixth game because it had gone long. I remember waving my homer hanky furiously in the eleventh inning, yelling for Kirby to knock one out of the park. The craziest thing was that he did it, and in my mind he did it just for me.

Puckett was an unbelievable ball player; I’ll run down some of his accomplishments. Between 1986 and 1992 he won 6 straight Gold Gloves. Between 1986 and 1995 he made 10 straight All-star appearances. He was the ALCS MVP in ’91 and the AL MVP in the ’93 All-star game. In 1989 he lead the AL with a .339 batting average and remains at #58 on the all-time list. He led the AL in hits from 1987-1989 and again in 1992. He had the most RBIs in the American League in 1994. Puckett was inducted into the hall of fame in 2001 along with Minnesota product and teammate Dave Winfield.

For Puckett, it wasn’t about the stats. Players need to think about that when they step out onto the diamond. Kirby knew it was a privilege to play baseball for a living, and he shared it with the world. Every single one of his post game interviews began the same way, “ I want to thank god…” sometimes he thanked the big guy for allowing him to play so well, other times he just thanked him for allowing him to play. As a fan you got the sense that Puckett never had a bad day in his life; he was always joking, always happy and always willing to go the extra mile for a teammate, fan or journalist.

If we had a million more Kirbys- not just playing baseball, but doing anything- the world would be a better place. I want to thank you Kirby. I want to thank you for entertaining me. I want to thank you for playing the game and playing it well. But mostly I want to thank you for being my hero and showing me the correct way to carry myself.

You will always be with me, R.I.P #34

Brace Yo' Self Foo'

Ron Artest is in trouble again, and her is how it probably happened…
While lying down to watch television the Kings player was doused with a cup of ice water. Artest took off over the couch, shortly followed by current Golden State Warrior Stephen Jackson who was over visiting. After punching his way through a crowd of butlers, maids and the gardening staff Artest found the target of his rage, a female companion attempting to get the men refreshments. Some of the crowd was lured to the player’s indoor basketball court. Out of nowhere Jermaine O’Neal showed up to knock the shit out of Eduardo, the head gardener. While being escorted off of his estate by the authorities the King’s forward could be seen simultaneously kicking his great dane and hawking his new rap album entitled “Brace Yo’ Self Foo.”

The real deal is almost as awesome, though Artest attempted to leave the scene before the situation escalated. Basically he shoved this girl for some unknown reason, prevented her from calling 911 and attempted to leave in his hummer. His enraged female friend chucked a flowerpot at the vehicle, shattering the windshield. This all went down with a three year-old child inside the mansion. Ron-Ron has been indefinitely excused from the Kings pending further investigation. As an added kick to the nuts an emergency protective order has been issued which will keep the superstar from entering his home until the victim can obtain a retraining order.

Way to go Ron. As I write this you’re now the model upon which hundreds of children will base their future actions. I’d say shape up, but you’ve already been given an opportunity to change your ways. The worst part of all of this is that the man will be given as many opportunities as he needs. Until, of course, he pulls a Rae Carruth.

NEPOTISM

With the Wild there always seems to be some controversy surrounding who should be our goaltender. Last year we had Manny Fernandez and Dwayne Roloson, until we traded Dwayne away. After the trade Dwayne went on to carry the Oilers until getting hurt in the 1st game of the Stanley Cup Finals. This year it has been mostly Manny, with Nik Backstrom and bits of Josh Harding. The past 10 games or so, besides the one he missed due to injury, Nik has played and he has looked great. He got the opportunity to play due to Manny's injury. He has been consistent, which is something we have always lacked with Manny.
To me there always seems to be one factor that gets overlooked in the goalie decisions that have been made here. This factor is the fact that Manny is the nephew, of Wild head coach Jacques Lemaire. Very little is ever made of this, but to me this seems to be a text book example of Nepotism. He may have earned all that he has gotten, but I feel that more should be made of this. I know that Lamaire is not the end all when it comes to decision making for this organization, and they have made some great moves. I just wonder what went into the decision to trade Roloson instead of Manny.
I have read that Nik is going to start tonight, over Manny, which is hard to argue with, seeing how well he has played in the last ten. But he played just as well in the games when Manny was just getting rest. He seems so much more consistent then Manny, which we all know he never has been. He is always dealing with attitude issues.
I wonder what is going to happen after this season, will Jacques just sign his family up for some more hockey or will the Wild make a change. I think that Harding and Nik can be the future of this organization, and I would like to see them take us to the next level. I hope the nepotism can be taken out of the decision.

I Hate Cars

I don’t claim to be a good driver; in fact I’m pretty bad at it. They say Third time is the charm and that proved true for me while trying to get my driver’s license. (Apparently you’re not supposed to take up three lanes when waiting to make a left turn. You’re also not supposed to hit the poles when attempting to parallel park.) I hate driving and I always have. I hate cars breaking down and I hate paying these inflated gas prices.

When I was in college I managed to go a year and a half without a car. It wasn’t too bad, I walked/ biked to and from class and work which were both within ten blocks of my apartment… hell, I even got in better shape because of this. The problem is this was neither an environmental decision nor some sort of protest on the Iraq war, though both issues weigh heavily on my mind. I spent this time minus four wheels because I killed a car that didn’t deserve to die.

In fact, I killed my most favoritest truck in the world. My Truckity, Truck, Truck. I loved that little bastard, took it everywhere with me. I transported everything necessary for a miniature drunken festival I like to call the cabin, got away with a warning with an empty keg in the back, spun out more than my fare share of time and that thing could kick any fence’s ass that gave it a sideways glance. That bastard was indestructible and never needed repair… so I thought. You see, I lost the little oil sticker that told me when it was due for a change, and I in my infinite wisdom forgot that such a thing as an oil change even existed.

One day it occurred to me that I should probably get one, but I was late for my father and sister’s birthday celebration back home. I planned to stay the weekend before going back up to school and figured I’d get the oil change while at home, I probably even had an appointment. Sure enough about a half an hour into the trip bam, bitch went down. I loved that truck. Idiot! A car is a privilege and not a right, if this sounds stupid to you than you have not gone without one for an extended period of time. It’s embarrassing to ask friends for a ride to do things like get a haircut.

I’m writing this not out of devotion but because I got a new old car about 4 months ago, and the thing that I have for that bastard is not exactly love. I learned my lesson, so it gets its oil changed on time. The car I have now is a boat, it’s actually harder to park than my truck was and I fear that I’ll hit something every time I get to my destination. I have a feeling that a fender bender would render the car inoperable. My truck would rip your bumper off, snarl and say “What?’ Add to this the fact that I had to replace a battery that claimed to be good for about another two years a mere two months after it came into my care, and refused to start properly shortly after the new battery and you’ve got one angry owner. The final straw happened yesterday about a half-a-block from my work shortly after my shift ended.

Just as the idea of a Saturday night began forming itself in my mind my car decided to shut down completely. (It probably has something to do with that starting problem that the mechanic said was a figment of my imagination) It happened in the worst place possible with nowhere to push the car out of the way. Worse yet, I found myself in a fairly high traffic area and not even enough power for the hazard lights. I spent nearly two hours wondering where the tow truck was and if the next approaching vehicle would have the presence of mind to realize that I was stationary. As an added kick in the nuts the car refused to release my keys when it was finally moved to the repair shop.

Dejected from the events that had just transpired I spent the evening curled up in the fetal position in some sweats. All I could think about was how my paycheck might as well be signed over to my mechanic. The other though that went through my head was how my truck never would have broken down in this fashion without as much as a warning cough. Idiot! I loved that truck.

Seven paragraphs, bitches!

P.S. Free Bracey Wright

Bathroom Hazing

This post is from ketel one.

The bathroom at my work is very nice. Almost a little too nice for comfort. This special place could be considered a Metropolis of urinals and shitters. When you walk into the bath room the entire bathroom is lined with grey granite tile and to the right is a small ledge for weird people to leave things on when they are taking care of business. Then, right after the ledge is a closet with double doors that is really creepy. I have no idea what is in the closet. At one point in time, I thought there could possibly be an old Catholic Priest in there pretending I was an alter boy, but I try not to think about that anymore for sleeping reasons. Following that to the right, is four black marble sinks aligned with squeaky clean mirrors. To the left, three pearly-white porcelain urinals where I spend most of my time due to the large consumption of water. To no ones surprise, in the back of the room is three compartments that are divided by three white walls that stand 6, if not 6.5 feet tall. In them, is the secret to complete tranquility and nirvana. The Shitter.

I try to spend at least 10-15 minutes a day in this area in the same shitter. I always sit in the handicap one, which is the one that is furthest from the door. I know what your thinking, that this is pretty mean. If you have ever sat in the handicap shitter than you would know that it is like flying Virgin Airlines when you are used to flying Northwest. All right, I'm an A-SS-HO-LE. Sometimes I even park in the handicapped spaces, while handicapped people make handicapped faces.

Anyways, during this time, I attempt to relax, think, or play video hold em' on my phone. I go in to this situation thinking nothing about being bothered by another homosapian. However, lets just put it this way…probably once a week I will be in the bathroom at work dropping the Cosby kids off at the pool when I hear someone walk in the bathroom. And I know it is the same guy, because he always has on the same shoes. Not afraid to let it ride, I continue to do my business without even blinking. Although, I always listen to figure out if this person is going to join me in heavenly-bliss or just water the urinal. Sure enough, this person always comes and sits right next to me. I mean come on…You're trying to tell me that there is three shitters and I'm sitting in the one furthest away from the door, but you choose to sit right next to me. Nothing chaps my ass more than someone that does this. I don't know if he wasn't hugged enough as a kid and he needs the constant closeness or he is cold and he needs to use my body heat as a source of energy. Either way, it is pretty weird.

I would never in my life sit next to someone when I was taking a shit. Unless there is only one shitter left and it was next to someone. Naturally, I start making really gross noises to try to scare the person out, but that never works. Grunting, fake farting noise never work. This guy is as hard to break as Scott Nyugen in the World Series of Poker. So, I just finish and move on with my day pissed about this mystery man that is addicted to taking a shit right next to me. What a jerk face!

In Theaters Tomorrow...

Probably going to blow through this thing today cause I’ve got better stuff to do. First up WILD HOGS… gonna blow- shame on you John Travolta, go ride Eddie Murphy’s coat tails in a fat suit Martin Lawrence and die Tim Allen. Next up ZODIAC… David Fincher, Robert Downey Jr., Jake Gyllenhaal, based on a true story. Probably can’t go wrong with a cast like that and the director of FIGHT CLUB, ect. Next BLACK SNAKE MOAN… movie sounds crazy but it is written and directed by the dude who brought up HUSTLE AND FLOW, which I liked a lot. Add to this the fact that Samuel L. “Mutha Fuckin’ Snakes on a Mutha Fuckin’ plane” Jackson is our protagonist, Christina Ricci spends all of her screen time scantily clad to downright naked and is supported by Justin Timberlake whom as much as I hate to admit it is a better than average actor. BSM gets my $8.00.

FULL OF IT comes out tomorrow too. “What’s that?”, you say. “Stupid question”, I say. Don’t bother, it stars that kid from PUNK’D and tries to roll a handful of teen comedies into one script. Could be (and I stress the could part) rent worthy if you overlook the casting of Carmen Electra. In limited release is a film called TWO WEEKS… long story short Sally Field dies and her children come to watch. The last film is an independent film called WILD TIGERS I HAVE KNOWN… It’s a film about a 13 year-old who must cope with his new found homosexuality. Although the Director, Cam Archer, has been recognized at Sundance a few times the critics decided that this film was not his best. My guess is that ZODIAC tops the new releases, WILD HOGS ends up right below it (“damn American audiences”, says the damn American) and BLACK SNAKE MOAN comes in third among new releases and then hopefully gets good word of mouth.