Some People's Kids: Brace Yo' Self Foo'

Monday, March 5, 2007

Brace Yo' Self Foo'

Ron Artest is in trouble again, and her is how it probably happened…
While lying down to watch television the Kings player was doused with a cup of ice water. Artest took off over the couch, shortly followed by current Golden State Warrior Stephen Jackson who was over visiting. After punching his way through a crowd of butlers, maids and the gardening staff Artest found the target of his rage, a female companion attempting to get the men refreshments. Some of the crowd was lured to the player’s indoor basketball court. Out of nowhere Jermaine O’Neal showed up to knock the shit out of Eduardo, the head gardener. While being escorted off of his estate by the authorities the King’s forward could be seen simultaneously kicking his great dane and hawking his new rap album entitled “Brace Yo’ Self Foo.”

The real deal is almost as awesome, though Artest attempted to leave the scene before the situation escalated. Basically he shoved this girl for some unknown reason, prevented her from calling 911 and attempted to leave in his hummer. His enraged female friend chucked a flowerpot at the vehicle, shattering the windshield. This all went down with a three year-old child inside the mansion. Ron-Ron has been indefinitely excused from the Kings pending further investigation. As an added kick to the nuts an emergency protective order has been issued which will keep the superstar from entering his home until the victim can obtain a retraining order.

Way to go Ron. As I write this you’re now the model upon which hundreds of children will base their future actions. I’d say shape up, but you’ve already been given an opportunity to change your ways. The worst part of all of this is that the man will be given as many opportunities as he needs. Until, of course, he pulls a Rae Carruth.

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