Some People's Kids: In Theaters Tomorrow…

Thursday, March 8, 2007

In Theaters Tomorrow…

This week is extremely simple… Everyone is scared shitless of going up against 300. Neill Cumpston over at Ain’t it Cool News gave possibly the greatest description of a film that I have ever seen. “I can’t spoil the plot because THANK GOD THERE ISN’T ONE. Just ass kicking that kicks ass that, while said ass is getting kicked, is kicking yet more ass that’s hitting someone’s balls with a hammer made of ice but the ice is frozen whiskey.” God, I wish those had been my words. This is a green screen film that originated in the graphic novel world. The creator of the novel, Frank Miller, is also the producer. I know what you’re thinking, how does a comic book writer make a film? Have no fear, he created Sin City and sat shotgun while Robert Rodriguez turned that graphic novel into a “kick ass” film. Premise? 300 Greek warriors basically dismantle an entire city-state. No stars, no need. It’ll be tops for at least 2 weeks and will probably be franchised.

Even the trailers connected to this film are better that the Box office toppers you bastards have been wasting your money on. It’s got films you know about like SPIDEY, BLADES OF GLORY and those terrorists from the AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE. The first trailer for OCEAN’S THIRTEEN that I’m aware of will be there. Trailers will also include some wicked pics that you probably haven’t heard of yet; KNOCKED UP (from the dude who brought you 40 YEAR-OLD VIRGIN) - HOT FUZZ (the guys behind SHAWN OF THE DEAD)- MR. BROOKS (serial killer film starring Kevin Costner that is neither about baseball, nor a post-apocalyptic world)- SKINWALKERS (Werewolf movie!!!!!!!!!!)

Another film that is opening (on 800 screens) is called THE ULTIMATE GIFT. James GARNER plays the wealthy grandfather who dies and instead of directly leaving his ungrateful grandson a buttload of cash he must first complete twelve tasks. Abigail Breslan, the little girl from LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE is in the film but that won’t help. Go see 300!

The only other film that opens on double-digit screens (75) is THE HOST. The U.S. military accidentally creates a seafaring mutant/monster that terrorizes Seoul Korea. The film became Korea’s most successful domestic film to date. The English dub strips the film of it’s anti American undertones (or overtones, I don’t speak Korean). Apparently the film manages to roll every genre into one and does a good job of it. If you happen to be one of the lucky few that can’t get tickets to see 300 but are at a theatre playing this, go see it. If you don’t have the $8.50 to go to a film this week search a couple of rental places and rent the DVD, it may be called GWOEMUL and located in the foreign section.

And for the love of god- GO SEE 300. At this particular time of year and in the age of the DVD there are too few movies that require a big screen, 300 is one of them. You will regret it if you don’t.

Free Bracey Wright!

1 comment:

Stuff said...

AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE are a bunch of terrorists, i want to see 300, think it'll be showing in mexico??