Some People's Kids: In Theaters Tomorrow…

Thursday, April 5, 2007

In Theaters Tomorrow…

We should all thank god that Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez decided to pick up cameras because this weeks offering is less than stellar outside of GRINDHOUSE. Ice Cube offers a film that guarantees that he is no longer welcome in Compton. Hilary Swank gets all biblical on us in order to investigate the 10 plagues. FIREHOUSE DOG is the family film of the week and Richard Gere gives a film about a fake Howard Hughes Biography. We’ll go worst to first today.
ARE WE DONE YET? is the follow-up to ARE WE THERE YET? Starring Nia Long and Ice Cube (a-yea-yea-h). The family moves from the city to the country and into their dream house, but it falls apart. Think MONEY PIT with less Tom Hanks and more black people. The only good I can see in the film is the casting of John C. McGinley (Dr. Cox on “SCRUBS”) as the contractor and main pain in Ice’s ass.
FIREHOUSE DOG makes absolutely no sense to me, but it has to be better than a sequel to a crappy movie. The most sought after animal in Hollywood gets lost and is adopted by a Firehouse… is the title making any sense yet? Some how a kid gets involved. I bet there is a fire, the dog get noticed on the news and is brought back to Hollywood. Either the kid enjoys riches with his once again famous dog or the dog turns down his “film career” to help put out fires and keep the kid company.
It was a toss-up between THE REAPING and HOAX. Miss Hillary Swank’s THE REAPING took this position after I found out that the film was slated for 2006, but a horrible showing at the 2006 Comic-Con pushed it way back until now. Swank plays a professor who travels to a small town in Texas to try and figure out why the 10 biblical plagues are showing up. I’ve always wondered how Oscar winners end up making films like this after they have been recognized for their ability.
THE HOAX is out in limited release tomorrow. The film stars Richard Gere as an author peddling a faux Howard Hughes biography. Apparently this is the part that Gere has wanted to play ever since he was in PRIMAL FEAR. This film was also slated for an earlier release, but has a better reason. Apparently this was Miramax’s back-up Oscar plan if HOLLYWOODLAND failed… it did, but THE QUEEN ended up getting a ton of buzz before THE HOAX got it’s chance to be released. Alfred Molina (no relation to Benji or Javier Molina) helps Gere try to pull off the ruse; apparently Doc Oc is a good liar.
GRINDHOUSE is the film that will rock your socks off and make your teeth rattle. Friends and directors Tarantino and Rodriguez Tag team your ass with two of the wackiest plots ever. Expect good things. QT brings you DEATH PROOF staring Kurt Russell and Rosario Dawson. Somehow Russell’s character kills women using his indestructible car. RR brings you PLANET TERROR with Rose McGowan and one of my personal favorites, Bruce Willis. McGowan plays a former stripper with a machine gun leg who must fight off the Zombies that are being created by radioactive waste with her ex-boyfriend. Talk about the perfect movie plot. If one film doesn’t fulfill your appetite for sex, violence and utter absurdity the other will… Throw in a few fake trailers between the films and you’ve got the number one film at the box office.

Box Office predictions- 1. GRINDHOUSE 2. BLADES OF GLORY 3. MEET THE ROBINSONS 4. ARE WE DONE YET? (Easter) 5. 300

P.S. Look for T.V. SET to catch on after it’s LA/NY release- it’s cast includes David Duchuvney, Sigourney Weaver and Mr. Fantastic- Ioan Gruffudd. It’s a film about film and TV so I might be the only one who wants to see it, but with that cast and ORANGE COUNTY’s director someone besides me should enjoy it.

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